FUCK!

Dani must feel it too, because she drops her arms and spins away from me. I back out of the room and answer it in the hall.

“Matt! Can you hear me?” Nick yells. I hope the music on his end drowns out the beat coming from my room.

“Yeah, what’s up?” I can’t believe Nick has the audacity to call and ruin what could have been the best moment of my life, even if it was with his girl. I’m a dick.

“How’s Dani?” he asks as the music on his end fades into the background. “Is she sleeping?”

I move back towards the door to watch her. “No, she’s awake.” She’s standing at the desk with a bottle of water in her hand. Her hips sway slightly to the music as she takes a sip and I bang my head on the doorframe. “She’s good.” So good.

“Where are you?” Nick questions. “What’s that music playing?”

Oh shit.

“Oh uh, Ashley came down. She’s playing a CD.” It isn’t really a lie.

“Fuck, does she know where I am?”

“No, I covered for you. I told her you were playing ball with K.” As I tell him this, I realize how lame it sounds. Luckily, Nick is too wound up to care.

“Good lookin’ out. Tell her I’ll be there in an hour.”

“I will, dude.” I close my phone and I’m hit with a healthy dose of guilt. What am I doing? Dancing with Dani, giving her a second pill. I can’t even blame it on thizz. I’m totally fucking sober.

When I step back in the room, Dani is trying to restart the song. I move behind her, and she turns her face towards mine. Feeling her warm breath on my neck makes what I’m about to say very difficult. “Nick’s coming.” I turn the volume down as the song starts over.

She shrugs and sits on my bed. I snatch the water bottle from her hand even though there are fresh ones on the desk. I want to drink from the same bottle as her. The water tastes like nothing, just water, but any way my lips can touch hers is a win. I can’t believe Nick let me kiss her. I wonder if he would have given his permission if it was Arnie. For some reason I get the feeling he was doing it for me, as a favor or something. It sounds fucked up, but why else would he let another dude kiss his girl? I’m a fucking asshole and a shitty friend. Nick trusts me with Dani; I can’t abuse that trust.

“I don’t want to go home yet.” She looks at me with a hopeful expression. “Should I call Nick and tell him I want to stay here?”

“Yeah, I mean, if you want.” I try to sound indifferent. Like her staying isn’t going to make my day, my year. Stop it! She’s Nick’s girl. He should be here with her, not me. But she’s looking at me with a fucked-up thizz smile and the angry gorilla in my chest is screaming Fuck Nick.

I dial Nick’s number and hand her my phone. I hear the roar of the crowd and the music thumping from across the room. I wonder what she’s thinking. He obviously isn’t at the beach. She waits until the background noise fades to speak. “Hi, it’s Dani,” she says quickly. Nick wouldn’t be expecting anyone but me to call from my cell. He’s going to kill me. “I just wanted to tell you that I’m fine here with Matt.”

I don’t hear Nick’s reply, I just watch Dani’s face for his reaction. “Nick? Are you there?” She makes a funny face when he doesn’t respond. She’s about to close the phone when I hear him say something. She quickly turns away from me. “I love you too,” she whispers and hangs up.

Ouch. The gorilla in my chest is now battling a wailing hyena of reason in my head.

What the fuck are you thinking? She loves him.

I don’t care. I don’t care about tomorrow or Nick or anything. I have Dani with me now. She’s high as hell and maybe not thinking clearly. I don’t care. I’ll let her decide what will and won’t happen.

Dani hands my phone back, then leaves to use the bathroom. I put on a new CD. It’s a mix of chick songs, Norah Jones and Pink. It seems like a better choice than hip-hop at the moment. I close the blinds to block the morning sun and gulp down a bottle of water. My shirt is damp with sweat. I pull it off and tear through my drawer for a fresh one. I pull out a white t-shirt and my phone buzzes. Not again.

“Where’s Dani?” Nick’s voice is harsh. I’m sure he’s pissed I let her call him. It was a dick thing to do.

“She’s in the bathroom.” I don’t want to be on the phone with Nick right now. Just hearing his voice makes the hyena shriek—You fucking loser!

“Look dude, thanks for doing this. I owe you. I’ll be there soon to pick her up, alright?”

I’m an asshole. Nick doesn’t yell at me for letting Dani call him or even question why I let her. He thanks me. He says he owes me. I don’t deserve Nick or his thanks. “No problem, dude.” We’re about to hang up when I remember Dani is high as fuck. She can’t go home, not yet. “Don’t rush back, she’s cool. Now that Ashely left, she’ll probably crash.” I try to sound as casual as possible. He can’t find out I gave her another pill.

“Well, I’ll come over and hang out then. We can go get breakfast.”

Hanging out is better than going home. “That’s cool,” I say, hoping he doesn’t detect the disappointment in my voice.

“You’re my boy, Matt. Thanks for taking care of my girl.”

His girl, I repeat in my head as I close my phone. The pill I took is long gone. I can’t do this, I can’t play this game with Dani. I grab the extra blanket from the foot of my bed and lay it out on the floor. The gorilla mumbles something about me being a pussy before retreating back into the jungle alone. I need to go to sleep before I do something I’ll really regret. No lines have been crossed. I can close my eyes with a clean conscience and still look my best friend in the eye. I don’t want to fuck that up.

“What are you doing?” Dani asks from the doorway.

“Sleeping,” I snap. Unconsciousness is the only way to keep me from doing, saying, or thinking things I shouldn’t. Sleeping is the safest way to pass the time until Nick shows up.

“You don’t have to sleep on the floor. There’s enough room for both of us.”

My sour mood doesn’t affect her—nothing will at this point. She picks up the blanket, wraps it around her body, and hops onto my bed like we’re having a slumber party. Maybe that’s all she sees me as, an innocent friend, no different than Ashley. Someone she can dance with or sleep next to. She doesn’t see me as a threat either. I’m a loser for even believing I stood a chance with her.

“Come on, Matty.” She pats the space next to her and adjusts the blanket to make a cocoon around her body.

I want to be mad, but the only person I can blame is me for thinking she wanted me. I lie beside her and try to ignore the warmth of her seeping through the blanket. I just want to sleep. I close my eyes, and a few minutes later she says my name.

“Hey Matt.”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t tell Nick about the second pill, ok?”

She doesn’t even know Nick’s rules, but she’s smart enough to realize taking a second pill here, with me, may not have been a good idea. “It’s our secret.” I hold up my pinky, and she links hers around mine. How can I be pissed about anything with her lying beside me?

“And Matt,” she says in almost a whisper. “I know he wasn’t at the beach.”

My heart races at being caught in a lie. I was hoping thizz would make her forget. I need to explain. I don’t want her to think I’m a liar, even if I am. “I’m sorry…” I start to apologize, but Dani stops me.

“It isn’t your job to lie to me.”

It is my job to lie. I’m a fucking liar. If she ever finds out, she’ll hate me.

Dani brushes her hair off her face then places her arm across my chest. “Goodnight, Matt.” She looks at the sun shining through the blinds. “I mean, good morning.” She laughs a soft, tired laugh. Her body may be exhausted, but I know the pill she took will keep her from sleep. Against my better judgement I lift my arm and wrap it around her. I pull her closer and she nuzzles my neck. I concentrate on her breathing, matching it with my own until I drift off to sleep.