“If he loved me the way he says he does, he would’ve given me a pill and let me stay awake having fun with him.” She hands my phone to me and I shove it in my pocket. “Like you just did.”
My heart crashes through my chest and lands at Dani’s feet. I want to tell her she’s right. I want to tell her I would never leave her. I want to tell her everything. About me and Nick, and thizz, and how I feel. I take her hand and she bites her lower lip. Blood rushes to places in my body that it shouldn’t. I can’t betray Nick. As much I as I want to, I can’t. There is one thing though. I can tell her why I sent the Myspace message and why I asked her to meet me in the parking lot that day. Not that it makes a difference now, but something inside me wants her to know that I cared. That I wanted her. It won’t change anything. She’ll probably get a good a laugh out of it. Once the second pill kicks in, anything I say will be a fleeting memory. Nothing is taken seriously when you’re high. Words, feelings, kisses.
I’m trying to figure out the best way to start the conversation when a burst of cold air flows through my room. I turn and see Ashley’s head peek around the corner. “Oops,” Ashely says and disappears.
She is halfway up the stairs when I catch her. Interacting with my little sister while thizzin is a sobering experience. I suddenly feel very guilty about my condition. “Wait, Ash.” I pull on her arm. “You want to hang out?” I need something to keep me in check. I don’t think I can stand to be alone with Dani another minute. I was about to tell her I wanted to ask her out until Nick swooped in. What was I thinking? In no universe would that ever be a good idea. Ashely is the perfect buffer.
“Really?” Ash raises her eyebrow at me. I never invite her to hang out with my friends. “Are you drunk?” She takes two steps towards me with a curious smile.
Damn, she’s observant. I’m so glad I didn’t take another pill. “Just come back down with me.” I usher her through the hallway, back to my room, and close the door.
“Dani, this is Ashley. Ash, this is Nick’s girlfriend, Dani.” I make the introductions quickly while I slide the box of pills under my bed.
Ashely sits on my bed beside Dani, processing the situation. “Nick’s girlfriend? Where’s Nick?”
I let Dani answer the question and change the CD to something more upbeat.
“He had to help a friend move,” Dani tells her. I laugh at the ridiculous lie, but I have to give her props for originality. She came up with that lie in a split second, and it’s believable. She’s a good liar.
“So, you came over to hang out with my brother?”
“Yeah, we’re friends.” Dani smiles at me and my heart smiles back. Friends. We are so much more than that. There is no word to describe what she is to me.
“Nick doesn’t get jealous?” Ashley asks innocently.
“No,” I tell her. He doesn’t think I’m competition.
Dani is so cool with Ashley. She asks her questions about her remission, which Ashley can’t shut up about. She even teaches her how to put her hair up in some kind of messy ponytail. It doesn’t seem like a big deal, but Ash is excited by the lesson. It’s fascinating watching them together. I’ve never seen Dani so content. Ashley has a weird way of putting people at ease.
“I like your pendant. That’s turquoise right?” Ashley comments on the necklace Nick bought for Dani.
Fucking show off. He paid two hundred dollars for it at some antique store downtown. Dani stopped to look at it for like two seconds, and he had to buy it for her.
“Yeah, and the old lady we got it from said it has powers.” Dani’s voice drips in sarcasm. I’m happy to see she isn’t impressed with Nick’s overpriced show of affection.
Ashley’s smile fades when she touches the blue rock. “Turquoise is very powerful, actually. It’s supposed to give you clarity and help heal you. I kept a rock under my pillow when I was sick.”
“Oh.” Dani’s smile drops from her face. She’s worried her comment offended Ashley.
I grab my sister in a headlock and ruffle her hair. “What are you, a gypsy?” I tease, hoping to lighten the mood.
“No, I’m just saying, it’s special.” Ashley stops her thought when she hears the next song start. Her eyes light up and she jumps off the bed, pulling Dani with her. “I love this song!” It’s a hip-hop tune with an infectious reggae groove. Dani reluctantly stands while Ashley dances around her. Eventually the music overcomes her, too.
For once I can watch Dani without the threat of being noticed. I even forget my sister is in the room until Ashley grabs Dani’s hands and tries to twirl her around. Dani looks at me for help as she subconsciously chews her cheek. She’s really high. I should get Ashely out of here before she notices the change in Dani.
“Time to go upstairs.”
Ashley ignores me until I turn down the stereo. “AHH! Come on, Matt,” she complains. “I need to practice for school dances and stuff.” The thought of Ashley at Eureka High next semester makes my stomach hurt.
“Go practice in your room.” I push her out the door and walk her to the stairs.
“Too bad she’s Nick’s girlfriend. I really like her,” Ashley admits.
“Me too.”
Ashley catches the double meaning in my reply and gives me one of her sly grins as she walks up the stairs to the main part of the house. As the door closes, I hear music flowing from my room. I rush back to see Dani spin away from my stereo. She restarted the song. I lean in the doorway and watch her dance. She’s graceful in a clumsy sort of way. She sees me and smiles a twisted smile. Then she pulls her hair loose and lets it fall over her face. She’s rolling hard and feeling really good right now. A thin layer of sweat forms over my skin when she motions for me to join her. I know her desire to dance with me isn’t real—she’s just reacting to the second dose of ecstasy. But I’ve never wanted anything more in my life. She runs her teeth across her bottom lip, turning it a deep shade of red. This is dangerous ground. I can feel it in the way my pulse starts to race when I look at her.
If Nick knew what I was thinking right now, I’d be a dead man.
Good thing Nick isn’t here.
I force all rational thoughts from my head and creep towards her, pretending to be lost in the music. She lifts her arms above her head and sways in front of me.
This is really happening.
She spins around as I close the gap between us. Her back is to me, as if she’s afraid to look me in the eye at this range. I start to think I’ve made a mistake when she leans back and brushes her body against mine.
She wants this. She wants me right where I am.
My fingers tremble when I touch her hips. She loses the rhythm for a split second as I slide my hands around her waist. I feel her suck in a breath when my pinky dips into the waist of her jeans. Her stomach retracts at my touch and I pull her to me, burying my face in the crook of her neck. Her hair smells like smoke from the bonfire with traces of her lavender shampoo.
She smells so fucking good.
We move back and forth to the music, pretending to be overtaken by the song and not each other. After a few beats, Dani turns around to face me. She wraps her arms around my neck. I grip her hips and pull her to me. It’s amazing how well I’ve been able to control the monster raging inside of me. It won’t hold for much longer if I keep her this close. She looks up with her big dilated eyes and my heart beats against my chest like an angry gorilla. Her bottom lip is pinched between her teeth. I want to pull it free with my mouth. I remember our kiss, how sweet her lips tasted. I want more. I need more. Sweat runs down the side of my face as we stare at each other, neither of us brave enough to make the next move. The music pulsates through us, masking the vibration in my pocket. My phone.