“Can I ask you something personal?” Matt leans back on his elbows. “If you don’t want to talk about it, I understand.”

Yes, let’s talk about something, anything. “Sure.”

“I was just curious why you moved here. Where are your parents?”

As soon as the words leave his lips, I know I will tell him the truth. I want to. I need to.

“They were shot during an attempted carjacking,” I say casually, as if Matt isn’t the first person I’ve ever told. “I don’t have any other family, except Lucy, and she lives here.” I look away and wait for the obligatory apology and empathetic look that usually follows when someone learns about my orphan status.

“Damn,” Matt mumbles. “Don’t you miss living in the city?”

I swivel my head and look into Matt’s crystal-blue eyes. I’m so happy he didn’t make this weird. He smiles his sweet smile, and I can’t help but smile with him. “Not really. Not anymore.” I look at him and feel a fresh wave of serotonin flood my veins. My body melts into itself. Thizz is the reason I’m happy. Thizz has made Eureka tolerable. I can make it through the day without seeing Nick or talking to Matt. Thizz is what I wake up for and go to bed with. And now I know who holds the key to keeping me happy. Matt. Had he showed up at the café that night, I’d be with him, not Nick. But he didn’t, because he didn’t want me. Love isn’t always requited. Sometimes love is complicated. That’s where thizz comes in.

Matt asks me trivial questions about my old neighborhood. I tell him about my favorite café and the best place to buy a burrito in the city. For the first time since I lost my parents, I’m able to talk about my old life with a smile on my face. The ache in my chest is dulled by the drug flowing through my veins.

“My father was a lawyer, corporate law. My mom was a lawyer’s wife.” I remember the way she stood beside him at parties. I don’t know which of them was more proud. “She was a great party planner.” I laugh about it now, even though I hated the superficiality of it all. “He had a day job, but he spent most of his time working pro-bono cases. My mother used to tell people he was trying to save the world one ghetto kid at a time.” I know I’m rambling, Matt doesn’t seem to care. It feels good to talk about them. To remember them.

Matt tells me his father is a lawyer and his mother does interior design. We have a lot in common. I like that. I knew Matt and I would hit it off. It just wasn’t in the way I thought. Maybe we were just destined to be friends. I really need a friend right now.

“Does Nick know about your parents?”

My stomach does a somersault at the thought. “No, and you can’t tell him. Promise me?”

“You guys have a lot in common,” Matt insists.

Everyone knows Nick lost both of his parents. I don’t want to have that in common with him. “You don’t get it. People treat you different when they know. Please don’t say anything—to anyone.”

“Ok,” Matt concedes. “I promise.”

I hold out my pinkie and Matt hooks his with mine. There is a tiny spark hidden in his lazy smile. The way someone looks right before they tell the punchline of a joke. Matt fights it back by letting my pinky go and turning away. He tucks his hands under his head and stares at the ceiling. I lie on the bed beside him and a new song comes on, this one is even sultrier than the last. I wish Matt took another pill. I wonder if he would take one if I asked him to. I bet there are a lot of things I could persuade Matt to do for me. What a fucking horrible thing to say. I glance at Matt and catch him watching me again. We lock eyes briefly and then turn back to the poster. The poster is our safe place. Not that we need one. We’re just friends. Any tingles or warmth I feel at the sight of him are drug-induced hallucinations. They aren’t real. Our kiss wasn’t even real. Just some stupid dare. Something he would have done with Heather or any other girl put before him. Nick is real. His kisses are real. He loves me and I love him.

Where the hell is Nick? “How far away is Arnie’s house?”

“Why? You got a date with Arnie later?” Matt jokes.

“Because Nick said he was going to drop him off then come back.”

Matt’s eyes get huge, and it has nothing to do with thizz. He doesn’t want to tell me where Nick is, which makes my imagination run wild. My adrenaline surges—not in the good way. “Where did he go?” Matt stays silent. “Is he really dropping Arnie off?” Matt sort of shrugs. If he didn’t take Arnie home, where would he go? As soon as I think the question, the answer comes to me. My hands are shaking at the thought of him and Heather at the beach together.

“Did he go back to the beach?” I give Matt a serious stare, daring him to lie to me.

Matt has an internal debate before he answers. “Yeah, he’s at the beach.” Matt looks relieved that I figured it out on my own. Technically, he didn’t tell me, so he won’t be in trouble.

“With Heather?” I choke on her name. I would rather be choking her.

Matt’s eyes pop out of his head, as if he forgot about Heather. “No, it isn’t what you think. He was too amped up to be inside. They took too many pills last night and he’s still wired.”

Too many? I don’t know if what I feel is jealousy because Nick is at the beach with Heather or the fact that he took pills without me. “How many did he take? Why didn’t he give me one? Did he give one to Heather?” I think about Heather asking me if I liked thizz. She didn’t look like she was having a good time. So why take another pill? Unless someone gave it to her. Someone who wanted to keep her up and alert and at the beach. I feel like I may puke.

“I don’t know if she’s at the beach.” Matt looks sincere, but what do I know. He could be as good at lying as I am. “He just went back to hang out with K and the guys. They’re going to play football, then he’ll be back.”

What a pathetic excuse. I stand up to get another bottle of water and spot Matt’s cell phone on the desk. I pick it up and contemplate calling Nick. Matt puts his warm hand on mine to stop me from calling. His touch sends tingles through my body. Tingles that feel real. I pull my hand free and sit on the edge of the bed. I know I can’t call him. I have to trust him. If we don’t have trust, we don’t have a relationship. Nick said he trusts Matt. Even with me. The question is, do I trust myself with Matt?

I fucked up. I shouldn’t let her think Nick went back to the beach, back to Heather, but I can’t tell her the truth—that he went to a party. It was a fraternity thing at Humboldt State. Arnie had a chick he knows sell pills for us last night so Nick could party at the beach with Dani. It kills him to lie to her, but we can’t let her find out. If she finds out Nick sells thizz, she’ll hate me for lying to her all this time. It’s safer this way.

The girl from Humboldt called a few hours ago and said the party was still raging, and people were looking to buy more pills. Nick wasn’t about to miss out on sales, so he brought me and Dani back here then took off for Humboldt State with Arnie. Nick was banking on Dani falling sleep. He figured he could come back in a few hours and tell her he was here all along. That isn’t going to happen now that I gave her another pill. Not the smartest fucking thing to do, but I couldn’t say no. Not to those desperate eyes. I didn’t know Nick told her he was just taking Arnie home. What kind of lame-ass lie is that?

“Dani, you know Nick loves you. He just has to get it out of his system. He didn’t want to leave you sleeping in the sand when you could come back here with a working toilet.” That sounded like the right thing to say. “You said yourself that you could barely keep your eyes open.”