"Go Dani!" I hear Arnie say.

"You lucky bastard," K adds.

I sit back down, satisfied and somewhat heartbroken.

Nick squeezes my hand and kisses my cheek. “You’re amazing, Dani.” He puts his forehead to mine and my heart melts. I feel like I haven't spoken a word to Nick all night. I need to process everything that’s happened, so I ask him to walk me to the bathroom. Arnie makes a disgusting comment about condoms and sex in the sand as we walk away. He’s such a pig.

Nick tightens his grip as we slip into the darkness. “Are you having fun?” He burrows his face through my hair and kisses the back of my neck.

“I guess.” I don’t know if this can be classified as fun. I feel good. Thizz feels good. But that’s it. There was nothing fun about that game. Not really. I kissed his best friend; did he think that was fun?

Nick stops just short of the lights in the parking lot. “Is it working?”

“Yes,” I whisper into his mouth. I ready myself for a long kiss, but he backs away. He lifts my hands to his lips and kisses my knuckles, looking at me like he’s waiting for me to say something. Oh no. It’s my turn to say it. I bury my face in his chest and mumble, “I love you too.” The sound of my voice saying I love you is so weird. It’s like the first time I heard myself speak Spanish. The words just don’t sound right coming from me.

“I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I never knew I could.” Nick lifts my chin and forces me to look at him. “I love you,” he says again in plain, beautiful English.

Nick Marino loves me. And I love him. I think.

"You really aren’t mad at me for kissing Matt?" I know he gave his permission, but it could have been the peer pressure of the group.

"No, no way," he assures me. “I know Matt would never do me wrong. I trust him with my life. You are part of my life.” He kisses me softly on the lips, then pulls away too soon. "Why don't you ask if I'm mad you kissed Heather?” Nick raises his eyebrow in that sexy way he does. This time it has no effect on me.

I swallow hard and feel the hot, acidy tang of bile rise in my throat. “The last thing you felt when I kissed Heather was anger,” I say and wiggle myself out of his arms. Nick refuses to let me go.

"Would you be mad if I kissed Heather?" Nick squeezes me to him as if he’s trying to comfort me, but every word out of his mouth cuts me like a razor.

I try to block the mental picture, but it flies at me in 3D. Even hearing the words makes me want to puke. “You did kiss her.” My stomach knots at the memory. That’s a visual I’ll have for the rest of my life. Thanks, thizz.

“No, I mean, you know, like you kissed Matt.”

Someone has just stabbed me in the chest. I place my hand over my heart and check for blood. "Uh, yeah." I back away in case I actually throw up.

"Why? It's just a game.”

I can’t tell if he is serious. My eyes dance wildly, making it impossible to focus on his face. "Because, it's different. You know I don't like Matt.” My tone is surprisingly firm. I even believe the words I’m saying.

"And you know I don't like Heather."

Ok, now he’s twisting the knife into my heart. I don’t understand why he is forcing the issue or why he feels the need to lead our conversation in this direction. He wouldn’t be doing this, unless…oh God. He wouldn’t push for this, unless he wants to kiss her. He reaches for my hand and I jerk it away. Does he think I owe him now because I kissed Matt? A kiss for a kiss? Something that feels like reality is starting to creep in. I really wish I had another pill. I wonder if Nick has more. I wonder if he’d give me one if I asked.

"Why do you think I would do anything to hurt you? I've never felt this way about anyone before you.” His words sound sincere, yet what he’s asking contradicts the sentiment. “Don’t you trust me?”

My anguish turns to anger in a matter of seconds. I know Nick’s views on trust. He explained them to me a few days ago when I saw a voluptuous Greek goddess get out of his car. He caught me staring from the doorway of the café and rushed inside to explain, while the girl headed off in the direction of Lady Luxe. He said jealousy is for the weak, and I have nothing to worry about because he was just giving a ride to an old friend. There really wasn’t much I could say. He was right. Jealousy is for the weak. And I am weak.

“I'm sorry. It's not you, it’s her.” I decide to focus my distrust on Heather, not Nick. That way he can’t defend against my rage.

"She's your friend."

"She is not my friend.” I break away from Nick and stomp towards the fire. How can he say she’s my friend? Doesn’t he know me at all?

I hear the sand sloshing behind me and I speed up. “Dani, stop.” He grabs my hand and spins me around. “These are the only lips I want to kiss.” He runs his thumb across my mouth. “Forever.”

“Why?” I spit back.

“Why what?”

“Why me? What makes me so special?” I choke on the words. I’m getting emotional; it’s so unlike me.

Nick must see the tears glistening in my eyes, because his reaction is unexpected. He rests his head on my shoulder then stands upright and wraps his arms around my neck, crushing my head to his chest. “I don’t know. I just do.” His voice cracks slightly. “When I look at you, something happens to me. Something new and amazing and scary as shit. I can’t decide if I want to kiss you or run away.” This is the most honest thing he has ever said to me.

“Thanks a lot,” I joke. I don’t do well with this level of intimacy, so I turn to laughter.

“It’s not like that. I should run because I’m not good for you.”

I snort in reply. “If anyone is unworthy in this relationship, it’s me. I don’t deserve you. Look at me.”

Nick steps back with a serious look on his face. “Don’t say that. Don’t put yourself down, ever.” I start to defend myself, but Nick won’t let me. “There isn’t anything about you I would change.” He cups my face in his hands and rubs his thumbs down my cheeks and then across my lips. His eyes fill with desire as he leans towards me. I close my eyes, and half a second later his tongue slides into my mouth. Even though this is one of the most tender kisses we have ever shared, my mind wanders to another kiss. Matt’s hand on my face, his mouth on mine, the heat of his body as we kneeled in front of each other. The intensity is unrivaled, even now as Nick holds me in his arms. I grab Nick’s head and pull him closer, deeper into my mouth. He grips my hips and pushes against me. “I want you so bad, Dani,” he breathes into my mouth. “Do you want to go to my car?”

Yes! I scream in my head. I want him right now. My body needs something. Maybe I don’t need another pill. Maybe I just need Nick. We hear a yelp from the fire and turn to look. Arnie has Heather over his shoulder. I scan the faces around the fire and see Matt. I snap back to my senses. I can’t do this; no matter how badly my body is screaming yes.

“I don’t want to be the girl who loses her virginity in the back of a Chevy.”

Nick looks like he’s just been socked in the stomach, and my face turns ten shades of red.

“You’re a virgin?” he chokes a little on the last word.

I’m so humiliated. Not because I am a virgin; it’s the fact that Nick thinks I’m not. Three weeks ago he thought I didn’t drink alcohol, so why is finding out I’ve never had sex such a shock? I don’t know what to feel, but lots of feels wash over me, thanks to thizz, and sadness is the one that sticks. I put my face in my hands and try not to cry.

“It’s ok, Dani.” Nick pulls my hands away from my face. “I’m just surprised. Well, not really. I guess I’m…happy.” Nick kisses my forehead like I’m a fragile piece of glass. “You’re right, this is not the time or place.” Nick looks as if he’s just been given the key to a bank vault. He’s giddy over the fact that I’m a virgin, which only makes me feel more like a freak.