I blush at Arnie’s sincere compliment. “I’m so glad we had this talk.” I lean over to give him a hug. He wraps his arms around me then pulls me on top of him. I squeal and try to break free, which only makes his grip stronger.

"Nick! Your girl is raping me, dude!” His breath smells like beer and weed.

My incessant laughter weakens me. I have no control over my limbs as Arnie tosses me back and forth. He lets me go a split second before Nick jumps on top of him. I try to get up, but my legs feel like Jell-O, and standing seems like a monumental event. I crawl away and spot Heather across the fire. Her arms are wrapped tightly around her legs. "Are you cold?" I ask, looking around for my discarded hoodie.

She stares blankly into the fire, gripping her knees. "Do you like it?”

It takes me a second to realize she’s referring to the drugs. The euphoria feels so natural I often forget it’s artificial. Heather doesn’t look as euphoric as she should. She looks a bit freaked out. I don’t want to say or do something to make it worse. Matt walks up behind Heather and sits between us. He’s wearing his Stanford sweater. He must have went back to the car to get it. I wish I had my CAL hoodie so we could play my school is better than yours.

Heather reaches around Matt to give me a hug. "I love you, Dani.” My body stiffens as if it’s waiting for a knife to puncture my skin.

Matt leans back and represses a laugh. She’s rolling hard, so I just go with it. "I love you, Heather.” The words don’t feel like a lie, but I know the feelings I have for Heather, and they are not love.

Matt clears his throat, his blue eyes a glimmer of light in the darkness. “What about me?”

I reach over to hug Matt, and Heather joins me. "I love you too, Matt.” That definitely doesn’t feel like a lie. I have a lot of feelings for Matt. Most of them I can’t define. He’s my best friend, for sure. It’s the other feelings, the tingles and warmth that he creates when we touch. Sometimes I think it’s just me, my ego, or my imagination making up things that aren’t there. Matt is just being nice to me. Just being my friend. I’ve never had a male friend, so I don’t know how to differentiate platonic feelings and real love.

His warm hand moves under my shirt. He caresses my back, causing tingles to shoot up my spine. I sit up and we lock eyes. For a brief moment, I see the boy I met last February, the boy whose warm smile slowly chiseled at the block of ice inside my heart. My Matt. I shake the thoughts racing through my drugged-out mind. He was never mine. He didn’t want to be. Thizz is making me think there is something in Matt’s touch, his look, his smile. But it’s all in my head. Matt doesn’t want me. He never did.

"Hey, what the hell's going on over here?" Arnie is standing over us.

"While you guys are wrestling each other, I'm keeping the girls company.” Matt leans on his elbows with an evil grin. Heather punches his arm and rolls away. Matt returns fire by slapping her ass.

“Ouch!” Heather leans into me. “Help, Dani!” I grab her hand and pull her away from Matt. Maybe Heather isn’t so bad.

Nick sneaks up behind me and pokes my sides. I spin around and give him a big hug. The joy and love emanating from our group is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I can’t put into words the way I feel laughing and dancing with my friends.

My friends.

I kiss Nick, hug Heather, high five Arnie, and fist bump K. I keep my distance from Matt. We don’t need to do or say anything. Everything I need to know about him, I read in his eyes. Nick is my first love, but Matt is my first real friend. He liked me when nobody knew my name. I’ll always have a special place in my heart for Matt.

“Hey, I have an idea.” Heather jumps up to address the group. “Let’s play a game.”

We assemble around the fire and Heather explains the rules. “Ok, this is just like truth or dare, but you flip a coin. Heads—truth, tails—dare. Then we spin an empty bottle to see who gets to ask the question or give the dare. Everyone got it?" She doesn’t wait for a response. She flips the coin to go first.

I’m sitting next to the fire with Nick on my left. Matt is next to him. Arnie and Heather sit directly across from us. The fire is our sixth player, since K decided to be the referee. On the outside I seem super excited to play Heather’s game, but I have a knot in my stomach the size of a grapefruit. I hate games. Especially ones with the words truth and dare in them.

"Truth," Heather announces.

The empty beer bottle makes two quiet rotations in the sand before stopping in front of Nick. I do a happy dance inside, thankful it’s just a question she is getting from him.

"Do you think Matt is hot?" Nick asks while punching Matt in the arm.

"Cop out!" Arnie calls through his hands.

"Yes," Heather answers flatly. She holds the coin in front of me and says, “Clockwise.”

I flip the coin low and catch it. It's hard to focus on the images. The more I concentrate, the more my eyes ping-pong from side to side. Nick takes my blindness as hesitation and rubs my back. He leans into me and kisses my cheek. I giggle when his warm breath tickles my neck. I’m lost in the euphoria of Nick. His smell, his hands on my bare skin. This feels nice.

“Ahem.” Arnie clears his throat. “Can we get back to the game?”

"Tails," Nick calls to the group as he continues to kiss the space behind my ear.

Oh shit, tails.

Nick hands me the bottle. “Spin it,” he says with an encouraging smile. It spins once, twice, three times, before stopping in front of Matt.

"Dude! You better make it good!” Arnie warns him.

The wicked look on Matt’s sweet face is misplaced. I know he wouldn’t do anything to embarrass me. Would he? "Dani," he clears his throat, "I dare you to let Nick..."

I exhale when I hear Nick’s name.

"Fuck that," Arnie interrupts. "You can't dare her to do something with Nick. That’s not fair."

"Shut the fuck up, Arn! You don’t even know what I'm going to say."

"It doesn’t matter. I know it’s going to suck!”

Matt flips Arnie off with both hands just inches from his face.

"Just go!" Heather yells, bringing their focus back to the game.

Matt elbows Arnie, who is steadily tossing sand in his lap.

"Ok Dani, I dare you to let Nick kiss your chest." Matt seems very pleased with himself.

That doesn’t sound too bad. "Over my shirt or under?”

"Under," Arnie answers for him.

My bra is black with little silver stars; it looks just like a bikini top. Considering we are on a beach, it’s very appropriate. I start to lift my t-shirt when Heather yells for me to stop.

"No, no she doesn’t have to take off her shirt." Heather is the only one brave enough to stand up to Arnie.

Heather, my new friend. I can’t believe I was about to strip in front of the guys. Damn you, thizz.

After a few minutes of bickering, Matt restates the dare. “She has to lift her shirt, but she doesn’t have to take it off.”

I smile thankfully at Heather. She really is a great friend.

Nick scoots closer to me. His head is lower than mine, so I can’t read the look in his eyes when he lifts my t-shirt. This is the most intimate we’ve ever been, and we have an audience to witness it.

"Wait!" Arnie shouts. "What about her bra?”

"Matt said chest, not breasts." I look to my new ally—she nods her head in agreement.