My heart stops beating.

Heather looks at me with a wicked grin. “Sure, if you think Nick won’t mind.”

I mind. Heather is the only thing that can ruin my thizz high. I’ve already had to wait five days, and now my night is about to be ruined by this snarky blonde. Arnie asks Nick if Heather can tag along, and of course he says yes. There are so many reasons to hate Arnie. He pouts like a baby when he doesn’t get his way, he’s a pig when it comes to girls, and he’s a chronic high-fiver. Inviting Heather King to hang out with us is an entirely new level of douchebag.

Twenty minutes later I’m sitting between Matt and Heather King in the backseat of Nick’s car, headed towards Gold Beach. We haven’t said a word to each other the entire drive. Nick pulls off at a 7-Eleven and the guys head inside, leaving me and Heather in the car. It seems ridiculous to ignore her when we’re about to get high together.

“When was the last time you took thizz?” I ask in my best fake girly-girl voice.

“This is my first time.” It sounds like it pains her to admit this.

“Really? I thought since you like to party that you would have done this before.” It feels good to rub it in her face.

“Arnie wouldn’t let me,” she says softly. Arnie is the last person I would suspect of being protective. Maybe he likes her, and that’s why he invited her out with us tonight. The thought makes me feel better. Heather and Arnie will be too preoccupied with each other to annoy me.

The guys return from the store and I start to get excited. An hour from now I won’t care about Heather King or Arnie or anything. In sixty minutes I’ll be high and my world will be perfect.

One minute I’m dancing with Nick, the next I’m running down the beach with Heather. Or am I dancing with Heather and running with Nick? Who cares. I’m high, and nothing in the world matters. I pause to watch the sun slip into the Pacific Ocean, and I have this overwhelming feeling that this is where I belong. I wouldn’t trade this moment for anything in the world. Not even my old life. That sounds like a shitty thing to say, but it’s true. Does it mean I’m glad my parents are gone? I wrap my arms around myself and shiver at the thought. No. I’m just happy to have found happiness. They would be too.

“What are you thinking about?” Nick slides his arms around me and kisses the top of my head. We watch the last sliver of light dip below the horizon, then I turn around and snuggle up to his chest.

“Nothing. Everything. Me. You. Life. The future. The past. Where the bathroom is.”

“See, that’s what I love about you.” Nick squeezes me to him. “You don’t have to say anything, and I get you.”

“I’m glad, because sometimes I don’t get me.”

“I got you, Dani. No matter what.” Nick kisses my head again and I close my eyes. I can’t imagine not having this in my life. This feeling. These moments with Nick. Or is it the rush of emotion, the euphoria that makes my skin tingle that I will miss? You know that saying, which came first, the chicken or the egg? In my case, it’s which came first, my feelings for Nick, or thizz? Would one exist without the other? Can I exist without either one?

I wonder where we’ll be six months from now. I want to ask him about school, what he plans to do after graduation. Will I see him, have access to his mouth, his kiss, his pills?

“You know why I think you’re awesome?” Nick squeezes me to him.

“No fucking clue.”

“You don’t care about who am I or what I’m supposed to do with my life. You live in the moment. Who gives a shit about tomorrow?”

Maybe now is not a good time to ask him about his plans. He’s right. I do live in the now. This is all I have, all we have, because nothing in the future is certain. I know I want Nick, that I need thizz, and that I like my life. That’s ok for now. “We don’t know what will happen tomorrow. I learned the hard way that I need to appreciate what’s in front of me.”

Nick pulls me away from his chest to face him. “I know one thing that will happen tomorrow. I will wake up and have you. You can always count on me, Dani. Always.” His dilated pupils ping-pong back and forth. He’s high as fuck. I wonder how much of what he’s saying is the thizz talking. I don’t want to know. I don’t care. Not right now.

“Do you promise?” I whisper almost to myself. I don’t want to need him, but I do. I refuse to think of myself living anywhere without him.

Nick presses his forehead to mine. “I promise,” he breathes into my mouth, as if he’s giving life to me with his words. I close my eyes and feel them travel past my lips. I breathe them in. My heart rate increases and my breathing hitches. I believe him. Nick kisses me with more want and need than I’m ready to accept. He leans into me and I lose my balance. Nick catches me around the waist and gently lowers me to the ground. Our eyes stay locked on each other, trapped in this moment. Seeing him hover above me drives my body insane. I pull him closer and he drops onto his elbows. We kiss, and I feel him wanting to go farther, push harder. He’s cutting off my air supply, but my body is screaming for more.

“Get a room,” Arnie yells from the darkness. Leave it to Arnie to ruin a moment.

I feel Nick smile as we kiss. “To be continued,” he whispers and pulls away. I don’t want him to stop, but I don’t really like making out with an audience. Nick sits up on his knees just as K yells heads up and a football comes spiraling at us. Nick catches it then jumps up and starts running with the ball. K takes off after him. Boys.

Arnie plops down beside me with his big thizz smile. “How you feelin’, D?” He nudges me with his elbow, but doesn’t take his eyes off Nick and K running football drills in front of us. Asking someone how they feel is a common question while on thizz. Your feelings become very relevant to everyone around you. There is a need, a desire, for everyone to feel like you do.

I’m high and no longer feel stifled with self-doubt or embarrassed to say what’s on my mind. I use that to my advantage and call Arnie out for treating me like crap. “Why do you hate me?”

Arnie looks at me like I’m crazy. “I don’t hate you. Shit, I thought you were hot when I first saw you. I was going to ask you out, but Nick beat me to it.” His eyes look as if they’re about to shake loose from their sockets.

I smile at his attempt to compliment me, even though I know he’s lying. I’ve sat behind Arnie for almost three months, and he never looked at me once. I was invisible until the day Nick noticed me. Invisible to everyone except Matt. He was always there. Where is Matt?

“Nick’s never had a real girlfriend, so I was surprised when you started hanging out with us every day and taking my seat. I’m a little jealous, I guess. Nick’s my boy. I’d die for his dumb ass. So, you better treat him good!” The sincerity in Arnie’s voice changes my perception of the situation. He has feelings, and I’m hurting them.

Thizz heals all wounds.

“I get it. I’ll let you have shotgun sometimes.” I really mean it. Arnie and Nick have been friends for years, and they’ll be friends long after I’m gone. Arnie holds his fist out to me. I bump it with mine and laugh at the silliness of it. “I have one more question.” I try to keep a straight face.

“Shoot,” Arnie says and turns to give me his full attention.

“Do you still think I’m hot?” It was meant as a joke, but Arnie actually takes the time to check me out before he answers.

“All I can say is, you’re lucky I love Nick, because the way I feel right now…” Arnie lifts his eyebrow at me.

“Don’t be a jerk!” I laugh and sock him in the arm.

“No, but really, I think you’re beautiful—inside and out.”