Arnie and Nick are playing Xbox in my living room when I get out of the shower. Nick turns off the game and fills us in on what’s next. “Will is coming up sometime this week to drop off a boat. That’s a thousand pills. We should be able to unload it in a month.”

“A month, more like two weeks.” Arnie reaches over and high fives me. “I’m ready to pop another one right now.” Arnie’s right, there is nothing like that rush. I wouldn’t mind popping another pill if it will cure this headache.

Nick sits on the edge of the sofa across from me and Arnie. He runs his hand through his hair. “Look, Will’s fronting us on this, so we’re only getting eight bucks a pill. We gotta be smart.”

Arnie makes a disapproving snort. “That ain’t shit, bro. We’re putting in all the work.”

“Yeah, well, once we have enough capital to buy the pills, we’ll get a better cut.” Nick sips a bottle of Gatorade and paces the room.

My mind is processing numbers like an adding machine. We stand to make eight grand off the boat, while Will makes twelve. “When we get the money to buy the pills upfront, what’s our cut then?” I have to focus on the money; it keeps me from feeling like a criminal.

Nick stops pacing and sits on the end of the sofa. “It depends. Everything is negotiable, but Will said once we get rolling, we can pick up a boat for three to four grand.”

“That’s what I’m talking about!” Arnie leans over and high fives Nick. “And how are we cutting our shares?”

Nick looks at us and smirks like he’s offended. “What, you think I’d burn my boys?” Arnie sort of shrugs, but I know Nick wouldn’t fuck us. “We split this equally, three ways. We’re in this shit together.” Nick holds out his fist and bumps it with mine, then Arnie’s. “We gotta be smart though. You’re responsible for your stash. Will warned me about getting high when we should be selling. We aren’t a bunch of tweakers. We can party, but when we’re working, we gotta be cool. We can’t be abusing this shit, you feel me?” Nick takes another swig of his Gatorade, and I wonder if he even slept. He still looks wired.

“Does this mean we can’t kick down a few freebies every now and then? I mean shit, you know the chicks are all over this!” Arnie grabs his crotch and pumps the air. “I had my pick of the honeys last night.” Arnie reaches up for a high five.

Nick slaps his hand. “Let’s play it case by case, alright?”

Arnie nods, but we all know he’ll do anything to get laid. The Nick I know would take full advantage of this new power. Well, the old Nick. After the way I saw him looking at Dani, I can tell he cares about her. I can almost guarantee she’s in love with him. It doesn’t take long for girls to fall for Nick. He’s got the whole rebel-without-a-cause thing going on. He’s got the car, the name, not to mention money. He plays ball, he has good teeth, and now he has thizz. Hell, if I was a chick I’d love him too.

I tried to keep my distance from Dani at K’s party. When she was in my line of sight, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. I had to fight every urge in my body not to go to her, or even to talk to her. I didn’t want to risk crossing a line or saying something out of pocket. Something like, I saw you first. Why couldn’t you look at me the way you look at him? Why didn’t you choose me?

“What about Dani?” Where the hell did that come from? “I mean, does she know you sell thizz?”

“Who’s Dani?” Arnie asks.

“You know, the chick from the party. She’s Nick’s girlfriend.” Saying it out loud feels like a knife in my chest.

“Damn, Matty. You dropping the g-word already.” Arnie looks at Nick incredulously. “They just hooked up once. You know our boy just one-night’s them.” Arnie lifts his hand to high five Nick, but Nick leaves him hanging.

It pisses me off that Nick isn’t speaking up about her. Last night she was the best thing that ever happened to him, and now he won’t even say her name. I pick up a Nerf football and squeeze the shit out of it. “It ain’t like that this time. Nick’s whooped.” I toss the football to Arnie, and we look at Nick to see his reaction. He’s too lost in thought to say anything.

“We can’t tell her,” Nick finally says. “I don’t want her to know we sell thizz or weed or fuckin’ anything.” He looks worried, like her knowing will be an issue.

“Why not?” Arnie tosses the football back to me.

“She said some shit about drug dealers that wasn’t cool. I don’t want her to think I’m a fucking sleazeball.” Nick runs his hand through his hair.

“Fuck her, if she does.” Arnie waves his hand in the air, dismissing Nick’s self-deprecating comment.

I fire the Nerf ball at Arnie’s head.

“What the fuck, Matt!” Arnie rubs his temple and looks around for the ball.

Nick snatches it from the floor before Arnie can grab it then leans over and high fives me. He points the end of the ball at Arnie. “Don’t you ever talk about Dani like that.” He fires the ball at him. It bounces off the side of his head and back into Nick’s hand. I’ve never seen Nick stand up for a girl. He must really like her. Fuck.

Arnie rubs his head and sits on the couch with his arms over his chest. He’s such a cry baby.

Nick starts pacing again. “Matt, you’re friends with her, right?”

“I guess.” I don’t know what we are.

“Alright, then you keep her busy. You know, divert her attention when we’re out and someone wants to by some shit. Can you do that?” Nick looks desperate.

It seems impossible to hide the fact that we sell thizz from Dani, but if anyone can do it, it’s Nick. I’ll do everything I can to make sure she doesn’t find out about it either. If Nick is worried about what she’ll think of him, then I know it will be far worse for me. He’s Nick Marino. I’m nobody.

“I can do that.” I hold out my hand and he pulls me in for a bro hug.

“You’re my boy, Matt.”

Nick and I have been best friends since first grade. I don’t think we’ve ever had a single fight. Not over a game, a toy, or a girl. When Ashley was diagnosed, my parents lived at the hospital. They sort of forgot about me. So, Nick invited me to stay with him. His grandmother made up a room for me, but I stayed in Nick’s room. He had bunk beds and gave me the top, even though it was his favorite. He didn’t make fun of me when I woke up crying for my mom and he never, ever, left my side. He’s the kind of guy that will give you the shirt off his back or bring you in on a business that will make you a lot of money. I’d do anything for him. Even give up the girl of my dreams.

My alarm goes off and I slap the top of the clock. It falls on the floor and breaks. Fucking great. I stumble down the stairs to the bathroom and jump in the shower. I perform all my morning rituals on autopilot. I dress in whatever shirt and pants are on top of my laundry basket then I slip on my Vans. Ready for school. The walk is cold because I forgot to wear a jacket. I hate Mondays and Tuesdays, and any day that doesn’t include me taking thizz. Being on thizz is the best feeling in the world. Being hungover is not.

I don’t know how I make it to lunch, but I do. I’ve sat in the center of the quad every day for the last two weeks. I need a break from the bullshit and fake smiling. My nose burns from the battle of the body sprays at Nick’s lunch table. I miss the oblivion. I don’t want everyone to know my name. I don’t care about who is dating whom, or where the good parties are going to be. I can’t do popular today. I walk to my tree and sit down. I close my eyes and tilt my head to the sun. It feels good on my bare arms.

“What are you doing over here?”

A smile forms on my lips at the sound of his voice. I open my eyes and find Matt’s silhouette standing in front of me. “I’m eating.” I look down at my lap. I didn’t get any food, just a can of diet soda. “I mean, I’m drinking.”