“Come here.” Nick sinks to the ground and I follow him. We lie on our backs in the grass and stare at the stars. I feel his hand search for mine, and I move it towards him so it’s easy to find. He grips my fingers and traces his thumb over the back of my hand, and I can’t stop wishing he was tracing other areas of my body. I don’t consider myself a very sexual person, but Nick has turned me into a raging slut. In my mind anyway.

“What’s your favorite movie?”

I look at Nick through the darkness and laugh. If he only knew what I was thinking right now, he wouldn’t be making small talk. I’ll play along. Anything to clean up the smut. “Um, I have a few.”

“Ok, your favorite drama.” He squeezes my fingers and sort of laughs.

“That’s easy, Butterfly Effect.” I was so addicted to that movie last year. I loved the idea of jumping to different times in your life and changing them. I think about what would happen if I could go back, change something from that night. Had we made the light at Brannan Street or sat in thirty seconds of traffic on the bridge. If any one of those things happened, I wouldn’t have had to leave my home and move in with Lucy. I wouldn’t have met Matt, and I wouldn’t be here right now with Nick. My stomach twists at the thoughts in my mind. I’m happy here; does that mean I’m glad I’m not back home with my parents? As if that were an option.

“My favorite drama hands down is Scarface,” Nick volunteers. I forgot he was even lying beside me. I focus on him, his words, his smell, the warmth emanating from his body. “Goodfellas is a really close second.” I can’t help but smile as Nick rattles off a bunch of gangster movies. I’m starting to see a theme here. I wonder what Matt’s favorite movie is? Thinking of Matt causes another feeling altogether. Something I shouldn’t feel at all. “I also like Forrest Gump.” Nick rolls onto his side to face me and rests his head in his hand. “Don’t tell anyone.”

“About Forest Gump? Why?”

“Cause the guys will fuck with me.” He sounds a little vulnerable, like he just confessed a secret. Is his image so important he can’t admit he likes a movie that doesn’t involve drug dealing and mass murders?

“I like Forest Gump. Stupid is as stupid does,” I say in my best Gump voice.

“Life is like a box of chocolates…” Nick chimes in with a laugh and makes a face that reminds me of Matt. They have the same mannerisms. The way they nod their head when something is funny, like they’re agreeing with the universe. Matt even held me the same way as Nick when he hugged me at the bonfire. Being in his arms felt good. Just as good as Nick’s.

“Does Matt like Forest Gump?” I don’t know why I asked him that. I can’t help it. He’s on my mind. Part of me wishes he was lying on the other side of me right now. Oh God, I’ve reached official slut status.

“Yeah. We watched it like fifty times.” He falls onto his back.

Oh no. Why did I have to ask that stupid question about Matt? Matt doesn’t want me. He set me up with Nick. He wants me to be with Nick.

I need to do something, say something to let Nick know that I want to be here with him and nobody else. I move closer to him, and he wraps his arm around me so my head is resting in the crook of his arm. “What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?” I ask.

“Butter pecan.” Nick moans softly as I drag my hand across his chest. I’m so focused on the movement of my hand and the way Nick is reacting to it that it takes me a minute to realize what he just said.

“Did you say butter pecan?” I sit up to look at him in amazement.

“I know it’s like an old-lady flavor, but I like it.” Nick places his left arm under his head. The muscles in his arm bulge like he’s flexing. My hormones rage, or maybe it’s thizz. Something is making me want to do unspeakable things to this beautiful butter-pecan-eating creature.

I lean in close to his face until our lips are almost touching. “I. Love. Butter. Pecan.” I drag out each word.

“You know what that means?” He places his hand on the back of my head. “We were meant to be.” He pushes me slowly towards him until my mouth is on his. Nick rolls me onto my back and drives his mouth, his entire body into me. Every breath becomes a movement, every movement a new desire. I pull at his hair, squeeze the muscles in his arms, and pull him to me all at once. We are like this for an infinite amount of time. It could have been seconds that felt like minutes or minutes that seemed like hours. I don’t know how we started or why he stops. Nothing makes sense and it’s fucking awesome.

Nick lies next to me and entwines his fingers with mine. “Do you like pizza?”

It’s the most random question anyone has ever asked me. “Of course. Who doesn’t like pizza?”

“Matt,” Nick says flatly.

My heart skips a beat when he says his name. Who cares about Matt? Certainly not me. “What a freak.” I sit up and kiss Nick. He smiles against my lips then pulls me on top of him.

“I really like you, Dani,” he says softly. “I just thought you should know.”

I don’t know why Nick’s confession feels like bad news. Isn’t this what I wanted? Why I accepted the ride home, why I came to this party—because of Nick, not Matt. I have three months left of high school, so I might as well make the most of it. Nick kisses me softly. His lips move tenderly over mine and a new sensation floods my body. Dread, excitement, love. I don’t know what I’m feeling, but I like it. I like Nick.

I take a small bite of scrambled eggs, washing it down with a gulp of water. Who knew teeth could get this sore? I try to hide the pain as I force myself to chew a piece of toast. I don’t know if it was the gum chewing or the teeth grinding. Maybe both. I can barely open my mouth, let alone chew.

Lucy hasn’t said a word since I sat down. I know she’s dying to ask me about the party. I don’t even think it’s a matter of her scolding me for coming home late. She probably just wants to know if I had fun. Lucy is only eleven years older than me. She used to call herself the cool aunt. I’m not sure that title applies now that she’s my legal guardian. Was my legal guardian. Now that I’m eighteen, I’m the boss of me. I don’t need her permission to go out or date Nick, but knowing she cares keeps me from feeling utterly alone in the world.

I take another bite of the cold eggs and accidently bite my cheek. I make a small noise, which draws another look from Lucy. She drops her fork onto her plate and glares at me from the other end of the table. It catches my attention. I’m wrong. She’s not curious, she’s pissed. Her face is a mash of disappointment and anger. It’s so not her. She’s always smiling and putting a positive spin on everything. My father used to call her disgustingly optimistic.

“Look, I don’t want to pry. But you sort of suck.” I inadvertently smile at her lack of parental vocabulary. “I’m serious.” Her back straightens like she’s role playing the angry parent. “You can’t just stay out all night and not tell me anything.”

“I didn’t plan on staying out that late, but my friend was drinking and didn’t want to drive.” That’s the best I could come up with at three in the morning. “I’ll call Patty and tell her I’m sorry for missing work.” I was supposed to open the café this morning. When I didn’t show up, Patty had to rush over and open two hours late.

“Don’t bother, I told her you’d be there in an hour.” Lucy lifts her coffee mug to her mouth, tapping the side with her fingernail.

I let out a long sigh. I guess going to work at nine is better than six a.m. I was in no condition to get up when my alarm went off at five-thirty this morning.

“So, the boy that dropped you off.” Lucy smiles from behind her mug.