“Ah, man. She’s the shit.” He gives me his stock answer, then he pauses. He really seems to think about his feelings for her. “I’ve never met anyone that didn’t judge me because of my family. She doesn’t grill me about being a Marino, she doesn’t even give a shit. Dani likes me, for me. I think. Fuck, I don’t know. I hope she does.” Nick runs his hand through his hair, his nervous tick.

I can’t stand to see my best friend fret over a girl. Even if it’s a girl I sort of believe is amazing too. But she obviously doesn’t want me, and I’m not a cock-blocker. I won’t stand in Nick’s way if he really does care about her. He deserves someone like Dani. We all do. I don’t know why, but I suddenly want them to be together. “You’re Nick fucking Marino, of course she loves you!” I punch Nick in the arm and he pretends to be hurt. The moment lightens and we start play-boxing again. Boxing turns into wrestling. We fall onto the lawn and Nick concedes. He must be high if he let me win. The grass is damp from the ocean air. I feel moisture seeping into my jeans as I stare at the stars.

“I like her,” Nick says quietly.

I think about the way she smiled at me when I walked into our computer class. My heart feels like a rock skimming across the top of a still lake. I have to let it go, let her go. I can’t have her, not that I ever could have.

“She’s here.” Nick stands up and cleans off his pants. “I tried to tell you earlier, but you were pretty fucked up.”

Wait, what? Dani is here. With Nick.

Nick looks into the house. I stand up and follow his line of sight.

I want to see her. I don’t want to see her.

“What’s up, dude!” Nick yells to Arnie, who is racing down the steps toward us. Nick says dude this is awesome. Arnie tells him he’s in love with thizz. Nick says dude I love you. Arnie pulls him in for a hug and says dude I love you too.

I walk away. I’m looking for her. I’m not looking for her.

I see her in the kitchen. She’s sipping a drink. Haley’s a liar. Why are girls liars? I hate girls.

“What’s up, Matty boy.” K pushes me into the kitchen and drags me towards the keg.

Towards Dani.

I see him, and I don’t know why I’m smiling, because he isn’t.

He looks at me like I just ran over his puppy.

He looks at me like I just stole his best friend.

I continue to smile at Matt. He doesn’t smile back, and it breaks my heart.

I watch him get a beer, he watches Nick kiss my cheek.

I watch him stumble out of the kitchen when Nick takes me in his arms.

I’m confused. Matt confuses me.

He looks hurt. Jealous. Mad.

Why? He didn’t want me.

Nick wants me.

I want Nick.

I’m sorry, Matt.

She looks at me and smiles. A big, unnatural smile. It’s not her smile. It’s not the small, shy smile that I’ve seen in my dreams. This smile isn’t for me.

Nick pushes past me, straight to Dani, like he’s a bungee cord retracting into place.

That smile is for Nick. That is Nick’s smile.

I need to get away, far away. Before I do or say something I’ll regret.

“Dude, you’re fucked up!” K shoves a beer in my hand and drags me back into the living room.

I feel like I’m floating above the ground. Not so high that everyone can tell, just enough to where I don’t have to use my legs to move. I glide towards the front door and hit a wall of flesh. Troy’s brother, Paul, appears in front of me and says, “Get hyphy!” He shakes his long frizzy hair in a circular motion.

“What’s hyphy?”

Paul falls onto the couch in hysterical fits of laughter. “Ah boy, you know, getting hyphy or goin’ dumb.” He starts laughing again when I shake my head. “Troy boy, go dumb,” Paul yells to his brother.

Troy holds his arms out as if he is trying to balance his weight as he bounces his body up and down, or is it more of a circular motion? I can’t tell by just standing here watching. I have to try it myself. I don’t have the long hair or dreads that Troy wears, but I shake my head like I do. Troy and his brothers dance around me, laughing and clapping as I get hyphy with them.

The song ends and I come up for air. I turn towards the door and find Dani watching me. She’s so fucking beautiful. If Nick wasn’t guarding her like a god damn German Shepard, I’d be next to her. I’d be the reason for her smile. I’d be the one kissing her cheek, whispering in her ear, making her laugh. Nick pulls Dani’s hand towards the door. She starts to leave then turns around. She walks to the center of the room and stops in front of me. I reach for her, then force myself to hold back. I can’t touch her. If I touch her I’ll never let her go. If I touch her, I will fall in love with her.

“That was amazing!” She lifts her arms and wraps them around my neck.

Too late. I put my arms around her waist and bury my face in her hair. Touching her gives me goose bumps. I want to pull her closer, I want to feel her against me. I look up and see Nick. I don’t want him to think I’m enjoying this in any other way than pure friendship. My jeans would beg to differ. I back away so she doesn’t feel anything she shouldn’t. She lets me go, but not before she kisses my cheek. My entire body breaks into a sweat. I look over her head at Nick, and he nods to me like I should let go of his girl. I nod back and shrug. I’m not doing anything—but I’m thinking it.

“Where did you learn to dance like that?” Dani fidgets with the cup in her hand and vigorously chews on a piece of gum.

“From these guys.” I point to Paul and Troy, who are dancing with a couple of girls behind me. “Do you want me to teach you?” I take a step back and hold out my arms. K sees me about to get down and yells, “Go Matt.” Before I know what’s going on, the entire house is chanting my name. Dani takes a step back with a huge grin on her face. I can’t fuck this up.

I start to bounce up and down. I pinch the collar of my shirt and then flick it away to the beat. I repeat this to the other side. Troy and Paul join me, and we perform a little trio, taking turns in the spotlight. The house explodes when K jumps in and starts to pop. It’s fucking awesome. I look through the crowd and find Dani. She gives me a double thumbs-up. I dance my way over to her. She does that girl thing where she looks like she’s dancing, but really she’s just swaying in place. It still looks incredibly hot. Yeah, she does that and I dance in front of her, like we’re dancing together, but not really. Everything is all good until she throws her arms around me. I feel my heart swell with more force than my jeans.

“You have some skills,” she yells in my ear. She doesn’t really need to yell. I can hear her just fine, but having her close feels too good to care about my damaged eardrum.

“Thank you,” I say softly in her ear. It would be so easy to just kiss her, kiss her ear, her neck. My lips are so close. One millimeter closer and they’d be touching her skin. Then suddenly, she’s gone.

I look up and see Nick pulling her from my arms. He’s taking her outside. He’s taking her from me.

“Let’s get some air, it’s hot in here,” Nick says.

I don’t want to go. I want to stay inside with Matt. But I go anyway.

I step onto the porch—the cool air feels so good. I’m never going back inside that house again!

I follow Nick off the porch. He kisses my cheek and a chill ripples through my body.