I nod, knowing he’s right, but I still make an attempt to stay in the car. “You do realize you have a flight to catch tomorrow?”

Connor pulls me out of the car. “You do realize that I’m going to be sleeping the entire flight, right?”

“Fine,” I say as I follow him into a little pub.

We’re at one of my favorite pubs in New York. It’s about a block away from my place so I’ve always been able to walk a short distance to grab a beer. The boys love it here, too. I need to bring Harper here. I make a mental note to call her tomorrow so that we can come here and talk about everything that happened last night.

This pub is the perfect place for something like that. It’s crowded to the point where you won’t be overheard, but quiet enough where you don’t have to yell. Other than a few lamps attached to the walls near the tables, the only real lighting in the place is the bar. Three huge lighting fixtures hang from the ceiling above it. The glass wall behind the bar gives the illusion that you’re the only one in the place when you’re sitting at a table against the wall. Which is exactly why I choose a table near the back while Connor goes to order our beers.

Connor returns with two beers and two glasses of clear liquid in shot glasses, and shoots me a smile when I glare at the shot glasses. He knows I’m not a shot drinker, I’m barely a drinker at all.

“No.” I say at the same time Connor says, “Yes.”

“No.” I say when he places my beer and the offending shot in front of me.

Ignoring me, Connor downs his shot and waits for me to do the same. I don’t. Which just makes him smile even wider. “One shot for one secret,” he prompts and wiggles his eyebrows at me.

“Shots for secrets?”

He nods and pushes the shot closer to me.

“Do I get to ask the questions?”

He shrugs. “If you want to, but I don’t think you’ll ask the right question.”

I eye him while coming up with a plan. I have to tread lightly. “Fine, first shot you tell me something you think I want to know, and the next one I ask the question I want to know.”

“How many secrets do you want the answers to?”

“I only need one.”

He leaves without a word. A few minutes later, he rejoins me with two more shots. He lifts the first glass and clinks it to mine. I gulp the vodka down, my insides feeling like they’re on fire the entire time. I can feel the burn all the way down to my stomach.

I gulp down half my beer. “Start . . . talking,” I wheeze when I can finally find my voice again. I hate vodka.

“Where would you like me start?”

“How about with the secret I just earned from that shot.” Any amount of patience that I have has disappeared.

“Jax has started seeing—”

“What!” I roar.

“Let me finish,” Connor says, not caring in the slightest that my world is falling apart again.

As much as I remind myself it doesn’t matter what that liar does, I can’t help the sickening sensation that overwhelms me and it has nothing to do with the taste of vodka in my mouth.

“He’s seeing Olivia. For about a month now.”

I think I might pass out. What happened to the troll? Jax is dating my therapist. I think that’s illegal. Patient confidentiality and all that. Where does he get off? Where does Liv get off? She’s married and twice his age. I’ve told her things about us that nobody knows. Oh God.

“As a patient . . .” Connor says, breaking through my horrid thoughts.

Spitting out my beer, I choke out. “What?”

Connor squeezes my hand. “He’s been getting help.”

My mind spins and it has nothing to do with the small amount of alcohol that I’ve consumed. Jax is seeing my therapist. He’s getting help.

“Why her?”

Surely there has to be a million therapists in New York. Okay maybe not a million, but pretty freaking close. Why her? I can’t believe she didn’t tell me. Then again she can’t. Connor studies his beer bottle. Suddenly his label fascinates him. I know whatever he’s going to say, I’m not going to like it.

Still examining his bottle he says so quietly I have to strain to hear, “Don’t kill the messenger, but it’s because of you.”

“Me?” I’m this close to banging his head against the wall to get answers.

The words tumble out of Connor’s mouth as if he can’t hold it in anymore. “She’s helped you. We’ve all seen it, Addie. You weren’t here. Then you started working with Olivia and all of a sudden, you started coming back. We all thought we’d lost you.”

Connor looks up at me, expecting me to disagree or jump down his throat, I’m assuming. I give him a weak smile, which encourages him to continue.

“I think on some level Jax needed to see her. I don’t think he would have been able to get help from anyone else. He saw the change in you. He kept telling Logan and me that you were going to be okay. He believed that you were coming back to us before Logan or I saw it. If he’s going to get help, it has to be from Olivia.”

“Why didn’t he tell me?”

Connor just raises an eyebrow. “Is that your question?”

I shake my head and force away all thoughts of Jax. I don’t care if he’s seeing Liv. I can’t care, not anymore. Not after him refusing to reveal my own memories to me. Connor point to the only remaining shot glass on the table. Hastily, I bring it to my lips. It doesn’t taste any better going down a second time.

“What really happened six years ago between Jax and me?” I ask before I set the glass down.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Cut the crap. You said a shot for a question. I took the shot, now answer me! I deserve to know what happened, what I can’t remember!” My voices raises, my earlier frustration gushing back with a vengeance.

When he meets my eyes, regret fills his brown ones. “I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

I slam down my hands. “Why?”

“Ask me anything else and I’ll tell you.”

Everyone in my life is lying to me. I thought I could always count on my guys, but I was wrong. Without a word, I get up.

“Addie, wait,” Connor says as he reaches for me.

I step to the side so he doesn’t touch me. “Jax refuses to tell me what happened. Now you, too. What is so bad that I don’t deserve to know?”

He runs a shaky hand through his long blonde hair. “It isn’t my secret to share.”

“Whose is it?”

“Yours and Jax’s.”

I need to hit something. “I don’t remember and Jax isn’t telling me anything! If it’s my secret then tell me, I want to know!”

He sighs. “I can’t, I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

“Because we were told that we needed to wait until you remembered to talk about it. If we brought it up before you were ready, you would . . .” His voice trails off.

“I would what, Connor?”

He gulps loudly. “You might attempt suicide again if you found out before you’re truly ready to remember.”

He makes no sense. “What are you talking about?”

“Why did you try to kill yourself five years ago, Addie?”

I hate that I have to answer him. “Because I felt guilty about the car accident and them dying.”

“Who?”

Is he stupid? Does he really need me to spell it out for him? He raises his eyebrow. Apparently so.

“My parents and Hadley. I felt guilty that I survived. I didn’t think I could live without them, so five years ago I swallowed enough pills to kill me. If it wasn’t for Jax finding me, I would have succeeded.”

“No.”

“What do you mean, no? That’s why I tried to kill myself.”

“That wasn’t the only reason.”

I will seriously hurt him if he doesn’t stop speaking in riddles. “Then what was?”

He stays silent. I want to bang my head against the table. I’m no closer to assembling the pieces then I was this morning.

“You’re not going to tell me?”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t. You need to be the one to remember.”

I glare at him, hating that another person I thought I could trust is keeping something from me. “Have a safe flight.”