“Relax. I was busy. I’m eating now.” I don’t mention that I was busy forcing myself to remember something that I’ve chosen to forget. I went for a swim, hoping the water would relax my mind enough for me to latch onto my memories. No luck.

Lowering his food, Logan studies me. “Are you sure you’re okay? You can always meet us out there.”

“Yes! I’ll book your flight now.” Connor plucks his phone off the table.

“No!” I force myself to relax.

If I react, they’ll continue in this pointless charade until I agree to go. Which I can’t afford to do at the moment. I won’t be able to keep my thoughts to myself. I’ll lash out at them, and possibly ruin their meeting because they’ll be concentrating on me.

“Ada—” Logan starts, but I cut him off.

“No. I’m fine really.”

This isn’t their fault. They weren’t the ones that chose to forget, I did. Heck, they might not even know. There’s a lot they don’t know about Jax and me. As much as I want to believe that, I can’t. It’s a gut feeling that I can’t ignore.

“I have bad days more than good days, but I can honestly say I’m going to be okay. I haven’t been able to say that since the accident and actually mean it. I’m okay, Logan.”

Logan doesn’t respond for so long I panic. I can see how much of a struggle this is for him. He’s used to telling me what to do and I go with it, always wanting to make his life easier and not really caring what I do.

I care now. I’m taking charge of my life.

“Okay,” Logan says with a wary smile.

“Okay,” I repeat.

The rest of the evening passes in a blur. My phone beeps with a new text message, I ignore it. I want to spend the evening with them, without interruptions. Which is hard since I have to keep reminding myself to focus on them instead of my missing memory. No matter how much I try, I can’t get Jax out of my head. Ironic, the one thing I want to remember involves the one person I want to forget.

Pushing back the thoughts about Jax, I listen to their conversation.

“Yeah. I have everything taken care of. Relax, Logan. Not my first time,” Connor tells my brother.

“Sorry man. This is just—”

“I know,” Connor says with a grin.

I tune them out again as they talk about business. The two of them can get lost in their own conversation for ages. Forcing my thoughts away from Jax, I think of Kohen instead.

I can understand to a point why he gets mad, but I’m not going to make excuses for him anymore. He might not be fully aware of what he’s doing when he’s upset, but he needs help. I can’t be with him if he keeps lashing out at me. I’m finally living again and I won’t live under his shadow.

I don’t want to give up on him . . . not yet. Even though he has his issues, he’s a good person. He’s the only one not keeping secrets from me. He’s the only one I can fully trust. I have to offer him the benefit of the doubt, and give him room to change. He and I will work. For a few seconds, I wonder if I’m trying to convince myself or if I actually believe it.

I believe it.

“You seem different,” Logan says, bringing me out of my head.

“Uh . . . Thanks?”

“It’s a compliment,” Connor chimes in.

“Okay . . .” I say slowly.

“You’re okay,” Logan says.

“Yes,” I say, answering him, even though it wasn’t a question.

“I’m glad, baby girl.”

I want to tell him everything about the affair with Jax, but I don’t. I promise myself that I’ll tell him truth when he comes back. That’s when I’ll seek answers to my missing memory.

Logan yawns loudly. Holy hell. I’m tired just looking at him. “When’s the last time you slept?” I ask.

He waves me off.

“I’m serious, Logan. You need to sleep more. You need to take better care of yourself.” The fear of losing him overwhelms me and I force the tears away. Which is a new thing for me. I never have to fight this hard not to cry. It’s inconvenient, to say the least.

“Relax. I’ve just been putting in more hours to make sure everything is ready for our meeting. Once the deal is finalized, I promise I’ll sleep for a week straight.”

“Not good enough,” I say while I stand up to leave.

“Ad—”

“No.” I gesture at Connor. “We’re leaving.” I point at my brother. “And you’re going to bed.”

Connor seems like he’s about to protest, but I glare at him, making his words die on his lips. Logan gets up and hands my purse and jacket to me.

“Thanks.” I tap my foot at Connor, who nurses his beer on the couch.

“Fine.” He sets down the Corona. “You win. Let’s go.”

He gives my brother that one-arm-hug thing guys do. “Meet you at the airport.”

“Don’t be late,” Logan says sternly which makes him laugh. Connor is never late.

“I’ll miss you,” I tell my brother as we embrace.

“I’m only going to be gone for two weeks.”

I nod, words escaping me. I don’t want him to leave. I know it’s two weeks, but it feels like a lifetime until I’ll see him again. Two weeks and hopefully I’ll find out the truth. After giving Logan one more hug, I leave his penthouse with Connor. The second the elevator door closes, Connor interrogates me.

“Any plans with the hot doc while we’re gone?”

“Nope,” I say, which isn’t a lie.

We don’t have plans. Well, anything set. I have plans to ambush him at his apartment tonight, but that’s not a set plan. So technically I’m not lying.

Connor nods. Then with a tight smile he asks, “And plans with the best friend?”

“Harper?” I ask, needing to make sure. I sense we’re not talking about my best friend, we’re talking about his.

“Not your best friend. But when you see that little fire cracker, tell her I said hi.”

I stare at the closed elevators door. I can’t tell him what’s going on with Jax. If I do, he’ll tell Logan, and Logan won’t leave. He needs to leave. I need to figure this out on my own.

The elevator reaches the parking level and we walk to his car. Opening the passenger door for me, Connor remains silent. I’m hoping that the subject is dropped. Even thinking about it makes me cringe.

Connor waits until we’re on the road, heading the short distance to my place. “Jax . . . any plans with him?”

“Nope,” I say, not wanting to go into details.

“Have you guys talked lately?”

“Yup.”

Connor doesn’t give up, he keeps pushing. “About . . .”

Keeping my eyes on the road, I decide to confide in him. He isn’t a stranger. This is Connor. If I can’t talk to him, then I don’t know who I can talk to. Besides, he might have unexpected insight on Jax.

I look at him then turn away. “How much do you know?” I ask, squinting to spot the stars in the night sky. I can’t see any because of the city lights.

“A little of this . . . A little of that.”

I force my hand to stay in my lap even though I really, really want to smack him across the head. Just once. “Connor,” I warn.

I can feel Connor’s eyes on me, but I don’t face him. I can’t. If I do, I’ll lose my resolve, and ask him about my blank past. I need to ease into that.

“I know pretty much everything that’s been going on lately. Even before Jax said anything, I knew there was something go on.”

“What did he say?”

When Connor doesn’t answer right away, I scrutinize him. His features are serious, all traces of humor gone. I know instantly that I made the right choice to talk to him about this. I should have done it sooner. Maybe things could have been different. I squash that idea. No matter what he says, it won’t change anything. Jax is keeping something from me. I can’t forgive him.

“Let’s get a beer,” he says, opening his door. It’s then that I notice we’re stopped.

When Connor comes around to open my door, I start to tell him that it’s fine, we can talk about this when he returns from his trip, but he interrupts me.

“We’re both going to need a beer to handle this conversation.”