He reaches for me but I yank my arm away.

“No, Connor! If you’re not going to tell me, fine. I’ll find out eventually. From this point forward, we’re no longer friends. Friends don’t keep things from each other.”

“Adalynn!” he shouts as I flee.

I rush back to my apartment building, to the only man in my life that isn’t lying to me. When the elevator doors close, I press Kohen’s floor instead of mine, figuring I should just get this over with before I lose my nerve. I need to talk to him and tell him things need to change if he wants to be in my life.

I lift my hand twice to knock, but each time I pull away at the last second. I don’t know why I’m so nervous. I have nothing to fear from him. On my fourth try, I’m finally able to knock.

Chapter Thirty-One

Hesitantly, I knock again. The first time could barely be considered a knock since you couldn’t hear it. I should just call him. I grab my phone to do just that, but when I hit the home button, nothing happens. I forgot to charge it . . . again. I really need to start remembering to charge this sucker. Sighing, I rest my forehead on his door, I wanted to talk to him tonight before I chicken out. Suddenly the door gives away and I’m falling.

“Ouch,” I say when I face-plant into Kohen’s hard chest.

Once I’m able to recover and stand on my own, Kohen asks, “Are you okay? Did something happen?”

I bite my lip, my nervousness flooding back again. I have no idea what I want to tell him now that I’m in front of him. Okay, that’s a lie, I know what I want to say, I just don’t know where to start.

Nodding, I give him a weak smile that doesn’t reach my eyes. This may be it for us. He might leave me, too. Panic comes so quickly that my step falters. I’m going to be alone. Kohen mistakes my panic for something else. He takes several steps back with his hands in the air. Surrendering.

“I won’t hurt you. God, Adalynn, I could never hurt you. You mean too much to me. Please don’t be scared of me . . . don’t leave me.” His voice cracks and his eyes glisten with unshed tears. He thinks I’m leaving him and it terrifies him.

“I’m not . . . I’m not leaving.” He still doesn’t put his hands down or make a move to come closer. “I’m not afraid of you . . . I’m here to talk.” Deciding that I’ll have to be the one to make all the moves tonight, I slowly approach him. “Let’s go sit down so we can talk.”

Silently Kohen leads me over to his couch. He motions for me to sit so I do. Surprising me, he walks over to the wall across from me and leans against it. We stare at each other, neither of us speaking. My mind races. He needs to stop trying to dictate what I wear and lashing out in jealous rampages.

“I’m so—” he starts at the same time I say, “This needs—”

“You go,” we both say at the same time.

“I’m so sorry, Ad—”

“No, Kohen. I don’t want to hear how ‘sorry’ you are. This needs to stop.”

His face pales. The thought of me leaving him makes him sick. He’s so different from Jax. It would be refreshing if it wasn’t so painful.

“You can’t! You can’t leave me. I love you!” Kohen pushes off the wall and runs the few steps over to the couch to haul me into his arms. “I can’t lose you. I won’t!”

This might be harder than I originally thought. I didn’t realize he cared about me so much. Sure, he’s said he loves me, but I’ve always brushed that off. Even though he doesn’t know everything about me, he loves me. He wants me.

I pull out of his embrace. “I can’t be with you if you don’t change. I won’t.”

“I’ll do whatever you want, just promise you won’t leave me. We belong together.” He says this so seriously that I have no doubt that he truly believes this.

Maybe we do. I don’t know. I’ve never really given him a chance because of Jax. Maybe the right guy has been in front of me this entire time, I just chose to be blind. I’m not ignoring it anymore. I’m moving on.

I glance around his apartment. I feel like I’m really seeing it for the first time even though I’ve been here before. It’s so neat, almost OCD neat. There’s a picture of me on the end table that I’ve never noticed. It must be new. I don’t even remember taking it. I’m laughing in the picture, the wind blows my hair so that it’s wrapping around my face. He must have taken it when I wasn’t paying attention.

Immediately I feel guilty. He’s been nothing but here for me and all I’ve done is push him away. Out of sight, out of mind. All because I was hung up on Jax, on something that was never going to happen. I’ve been so wrong. I’ve been chasing after the wrong guy while I have the perfect guy right in front of me . . . well, almost perfect. But I think he can change; I hope that he will change for me. I hope someone will change for me.

“You need help,” I say at last.

“I know, I—”

I put up my hand to stop him, cutting him off again. I need to get this out before I lose my nerve.

“You’ve hurt me.” Kohen face falls, full of shame. “You keep saying you didn’t know what you were doing, but on some level you had to know. You’ve left bruises, you’ve called me names, you’re jealous of Connor for no reason, and Jax.” Guilt washes over me again because he had every right to be jealous. “You don’t trust me and you take it out on me. If you want me to give you another chance, then you need to get help.”

“I—”

“No, let me finish. You have to get help. I’ve seen you take your anger out on co-workers, too. It’s not healthy. One day you’re going to seriously hurt someone. I know you don’t mean to, that you don’t want to. I’m willing to give us a shot and see where this goes if you get help. I won’t let you hurt me again. Verbally or physically. If you ever talk to me like you did the other night or lay a hand on me again, I will walk out and you’ll never see me again.” I’m surprised at the sternness in my voice.

Kohen gently grasps my hand. “You are so precious to me, Adalynn. I will do anything you want as long as you’re mine. I won’t lose you.” Slowly, he lifts my hand to his warm lips and lightly kisses the back of it.

“You’ll go get help?” I whisper.

His dimples are prominent as he speaks. “I already am.”

“What?” I ask, even though I heard him clearly.

“The next morning after . . . the . . .”

“Jealous rampage?” I offer.

“Yeah, that works . . . I went and got help. I’m seeing a therapist once a week and I’m taking a class two times a week with other people like me. I want a chance with you. I knew that you wouldn’t give me another chance unless I proved to you that I’m going to change. I’m not that man anymore. I’m going to be better, I’m going be better for you.”

I don’t know what to say. I can’t believe that he’s trying to change, to change for me. Somewhere in the back of my mind I know that he hasn’t had time to make progress yet, but I drown out that thought.

“Okay,” I say at last.

“Okay?”

I interlock our fingers. “Let’s take this slow. I want to try with you.” I haven’t tried with you because I’m in love with someone else, I finish in my head. Loved.

“I can go as slow as you want,” Kohen says with a twinkle in his eyes.

That annoying voice in my head is telling me to take this slow, that I just ended things with Jax this morning. I think that’s why I smash my lips against his. He hesitates at first, but once I slip my tongue into his mouth, he kisses me back, fiercely. I lace my fingers through his blonde hair, but I imagine his hair is darker.

Kohen presses wet kisses down my jawline. I tilt my head so that he can reach my neck. I picture Jax’s tongue licking down my neck. I moan which drives Kohen mad. He bites down on my neck. I whisper Jax’s name . . . Out loud.