It’s like someone just dumped an ice bucket on me. My entire body stills. Kohen, too distracted, didn’t hear me. He keeps licking and biting my neck, oblivious. Thank God! That would not have gone over well. When Kohen finally realizes that I’m not into it anymore, he pauses, his eyes dark, confusion etched on his face.

“Did I do something wrong?”

Wow. I’m the worst human being on the planet. I have this gorgeous man in front of me, wanting to worship my body, and I’m thinking of someone else. I moaned out someone else’s name. Kohen deserves better than me.

“No. I’m sorry . . . I can’t do this.” I get a whole half a step away from him before he’s clutching me, forcibly so that I can’t move, but gentle enough where he doesn’t hurt me.

“No. I’m sorry. We’ll go slow. I’m sorry. Don’t leave. You can’t leave me, Adalynn. I won’t let you.” He tugs me into him, my back to his chest.

I will my body to relax into his. It’s a lot harder than usual. My body refuses to melt into him because he’s not the person I yearn for. I force my unwilling body to mold into him anyways.

He kisses me right below my ear. “Stay,” he whispers. “Don’t leave.”

I nod and he squeezes me tighter.

Spinning me around so that I’m facing him, he cups both hands on my face. “Stay the night with me?”

I open my mouth to tell him that I can’t, but I stop when I picture Jax and the troll, him lying to me before leaving me. Connor lied. Logan is lying to me. I only have Kohen.

“Please, Adalynn. I need you. Nothing will happen, I know you’re not ready for that yet. I just need to hold you in my arms. I thought I was going to lose you.”

I don’t feel like smiling, but I make myself anyways. Those are the words I want to hear, just from the wrong guy. “Okay,” I say because I need to move on. I need Kohen to help me move on from Jax.

Kohen briefly brushes his lips over mine and clasps my hand. Silently, he leads me to his bedroom. I stop when I see the door to the spare room cracked open. I’ve never been inside this room before as it’s always closed. I don’t know why, but I’m curious.

“What’s in here?” I ask, pushing the door open a little further.

He reaches around me and slams the door. “Nothing. Just junk,” Kohen says with a tight smile which only piques my interest.

“Um, okay?” I ask skeptical. “If it was just junk then why can’t I go in there?”

“That . . . that room is full of my mother’s stuff. I only go in there when I’m feeling alone. I usually lock it. I’m sorry, but I don’t want you in there. You can go through anything else you want, but that room is off-limits.” He says it sweetly, but it’s laced with panic.

Immediately I understand. “Don’t worry about it, Kohen. I won’t go in there if you don’t want me to. I was just curious. I’m sorry if I upset you.”

He doesn’t say anything as he digs into his pocket and locks the door with a key.

“Wow, that’s not insulting,” I mumble.

“What was that, babe?” Kohen asks over his shoulder.

“Do you not trust me? I’m not going to go in there once you fall asleep. I understand why you don’t want me in there. You can trust me.”

“I trust you, Adalynn. Never doubt that. It’s just a habit.” He shrugs like it’s not a big deal, but his eyes are tense.

It doesn’t escape me that he still keeps the door locked. I let it go, for now. I have secrets of my own that I keep locked up inside me. The only difference is that my secrets are a part of me and not in a room inside my apartment.

Taking charge, I grip Kohen’s hand again and lead him to his bedroom. I’ve been here a few times so I know exactly where I’m going. When we enter his room, my take-charge attitude floats away.

I’m stuck staring at a blown-up picture of my face. It’s the picture from his living room. He’s mounted it to the wall in front of his bed. I turn away from it and glance around. For some reason the bed seems larger, more intimating. I’m being crazy. I’m just in a weird mental state, that’s all. It’s the same bed that he’s always had, fitted with the same expensive blood red sheets. His furniture is black, opposite of what I would’ve pictured when I imagined his room. It seems out of character for him to have dark furniture, it doesn’t match his light personality.

I tense more when I realize it might fit him more than I thought. He isn’t all light. If he was then we wouldn’t be facing a gigantic hurdle right now. He’s changing, changing for me. Nobody else has attempted to do that for me, ever.

“Want a shirt to sleep in? I have scrubs you can wear too, but they’re going to be huge on you.”

“Sure,” I squeak out.

Kohen hands me a pair of navy scrub pants. I open my mouth to ask for a shirt, but stop, when he removes his. I can only manage to stare. Kohen works out . . . a lot. No matter how many times I’ve seen him without his shirt, I can’t help my hormones spiking.

“Thanks,” I choke out when he passes it to me.

Kohen chuckles while he turns to give me privacy. I would rather change in his bathroom, but this is good enough. Quickly I strip out of my tank and jeans. I toss them on the chair in the corner and slip his shirt over my head. It’s still warm and smells like his sexy cologne. My stomach tightens for some unknown reason. Since the shirt covers everything, I toss the pants at his back and jump into his bed.

He leaves the pants on the floor and strides over to me. It’s the only thing out of place in his room and it makes me laugh. My laughter dies when he climbs into bed with me. He reaches over and switches off the lamp on his nightstand, surrounding us in darkness.

“Relax,” he says when he hauls me closer to him. “Come away with me,” he whispers into the darkness.

Suddenly I’m glad that he’s holding me and that I’m not laying on his chest. I don’t want him to see how broken I am from his words. It really has nothing to do with him, everything he’s doing is perfect. I just wish he was somebody else.

“When?” I ask, knowing that I’m going to go anywhere he wants because it’s the right thing to do.

“Tomorrow. I have a house in the Hamptons. I’ve been wanting to take you there for a while now.” He drags me closer to him so that my back is fully pressed against his chest.

“Why?” I’m stalling.

“Because I know how much you love the water and I want to enjoy the ocean with you. I think a weekend away is exactly what we need. We can leave first thing in the morning and be back Sunday night so that you won’t miss work.”

“Okay.”

I want to ask him how he knows that I’m not working tomorrow, but I don’t. I probably told him sometime last week that I took off today and tomorrow because I needed an extra day to relax. I can feel Kohen’s grin against the back of my head.

“I love you,” he whispers.

I tense because I can’t say the words back. I don’t love him and I won’t be that girl who says it back just because a guy tells me he loves me. Instead I snuggle as close to him as I can.

“Good night,” I murmur.

“Good night, my love,” Kohen replies with a little edge to his voice.

“All set?” Kohen asks when I enter his apartment the next afternoon.

“Yup,” I say as I drop my bag next to his on the floor.

Kohen woke me up with kisses this morning and breakfast in bed. And when I say this morning, I mean before the sun even came out. He was cheery, excited to leave the city for a few days. I just grumbled and wished for sleep. I didn’t get much last night because I kept tossing and turning. My brain wouldn’t shut off. When it finally did, I dreamed of Jax . . . well, I had a nightmare is more like it.

But now that I’ve showered and I’m fully awake, the nervousness has taken hold. I’m restless because this is the first time I’m going away with a guy that isn’t Jax. Going away will be good for us. I need a distraction and a few days away at the beach with a hot guy is exactly what the doctor ordered.