“We’ll talk tomorrow, Gabby.” I sigh, kissing her forehead. I hate to leave her upset, but tonight’s over.

“I work all day tomorrow, Benton. I’m swamped. Can’t you just stay for a little while longer?” Her eyes are pleading with me to stay, but I can’t. I have to clear my head and figure out what I’m going to do about this beautifully crazy woman in front of me.

“Well, then, call me tomorrow night.”

“You sure you don’t want to stay?”

“I’m positive. Goodnight, Gabby.” I love you. The words stick in my throat, thankfully. Telling her that wouldn’t get me anywhere fast, but the curb.

On the drive back home, I replay the conversation we had a few months into our situation. Her words still ring true tonight.

***

“You’ve never been in love?” I ask, curious as to why this beautiful woman hasn’t been swept up yet.

“Ah… see, Gabby Rosdale doesn’t do that type of stuff,” she grins, moving over to straddle my lap. “I don’t fall in love, Benton. I’m not programmed like that.”

I grunt when her lips slam to mine, but I can’t keep those words from resounding in my head.

***

She’s not programmed like that? Bullshit. I’ve seen the way she watches me when she thinks I’m sleeping. I’ve seen how she looks at the clients from her job. That’s the perk of being a silent partner in her firm. I have a financial say in things, so I have to be in the building at certain times. She can’t tell me she doesn’t love her job, because I’ve seen it.

Exhausted by the time I get home, I have just enough energy to strip down to my boxers and fall into bed, her scent still on me, torturing my dreams with an idea of happily ever after I’ll never have.

The next morning, I grab Hannah quickly from my parents’ house, my mom happy to see that I look a little more refreshed than I did the night before. It’s amazing as a parent what one good night’s sleep can do for you. Taking her straight to daycare, I head in to work, my brain only functioning at fifty percent due to the Gabby drama, so when Adam peeks his head in at lunch time, to remind me of our meeting, I actually jump.

“Fuck, man!” I moan, trying to wipe the coffee off the papers I was looking at. “You can’t do things gently anymore, can you?”

“Nope. We’re leaving in twenty. Be ready.” He nods, heads out of my office, and into the conference room.

That man never fucking sits still, and I swear, since Annaliese came back, he’s a new man. So much more energy, he’s in a better mood, and I can’t help but think it’s all because of her. One day, I hope to have someone in my life that makes me a better version of myself. I had hoped for that to be Gabby, but I’m starting to think that’s a lost cause. I don’t want to believe it, I want her to be mine, but she’s so hard to get through to.

Right before I head out of my office, my phone rings. Picking it up, I pray it’s nothing of importance, and grab a pen when the recording starts.

“Mr. James, this is Elice from Dr. Travers office. I’m just calling to confirm your appointment with Randy tonight at six. Please give us a call if you can’t make it, but if you’re good, we’ll see you at that time. Thanks, have a great day.”

The phone call ends, and I shake my head. Fuck, I totally forgot about that. Ever since Carly’s death, I’ve been seeing Dr. Travers to talk things over. I got pretty low for a while there, and I was afraid the state was going to take Hannah away from me. When Dr. Travers came alone, I started seeing him regularly for everything, from depression to anxiety to just conversation about being a new parent. Expensive conversation, but he helps.

Maybe he’ll have some insight as to what to do with the Gabby situation.

Making a mental note to talk to him about it, I meet Adam at the waiting car and we head to lunch. Everest is one of the higher end restaurants in the downtown Chicago area, but, of course, Adam Callahan’s lunches never need reservations. Waltzing in like he owns the place (and he probably does in one way or another), we take a table in the middle of the restaurant to conduct our business.

Waiting for our lunch partner to arrive, I see a very familiar figure walking towards a table across the room.

Gabby.

And on her arm is Ellie.

What the fuck, I thought she was working today?

“B?” Adam’s voice cuts into my anger-induced foggy brain.

“Yeah,” I growl, not taking my eyes off her ass in that dress. What the hell is she doing here, and why the hell is Ellie hanging off her arm like she’s arm candy?

“You good, man?” Adam asks, turning to see what I have my eyes locked on. Fuck, he can’t see her. He’ll know something’s up. Luckily, just as he turns around, the waitress comes to take our lunch order and I’m given a reprieve of the sight before me.

What’s this all about, and why would she lie to me like she did last night? Maybe she really is trying to get rid of me.

No. No fucking way. She needs me just as much as I need her, and I plan on reminding her why.

Gabby

Time for a Change

He just walked out on me.

Fuck, what did I do?

I was just laughing at the text that Ellie sent me of a man she saw on the subway today. Nothing she said was funny, she wasn’t flirting even… but this man had to be shared. I feel terrible because I know Benton doesn’t like her, I just inadvertently rubbed her in his face, and now he’s gone.

Fuck, what’ve I done now? I’ve lost the best thing that’s happened to me in a very long time. Shit, shit, shit! If he doesn’t come back I don’t… oh God…

Calm down, Gabby. Breathe. You did this. You pushed him away with your rules and games… he’s a grown ass man, he knows better than to play games like that for too long. Fuck!

Breaths coming in short spurts, I feel the panic attack coming on before it’s in full force. It’s been over a day since my last one, but still… that’s too close for comfort.

Count to ten.

One, two, three….

Stop! Let me go! Oh, my GOD!

The screaming from inside the car pierces my ears like it’s happening in front of me all over again. Oh God, what did I do? Sliding down the door, my ass hits the cool tile, and my arms wrap around my legs, squeezing my eyes shut, I try to block out the images that haunt me.

Breathe.

FOUR, FIVE….

NOOO!!!!! The images of that night flash in my mind.

The blood. The screams. The flashing lights.

SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT…

My heart starts slowing down, and I take a breath. Squeezing my eyes as tight as I can, I try to fight back against the images that race into my vision.

NINE, TEN…

I take a deep breath and open my eyes, reacquainting myself with the current surroundings. The alarm on my phone is yelling at me that I have a few new text messages, and the lights are all giving me a headache. My entire body aches, and it takes a few minutes to collect my senses before standing up. Once I do, I silence my phone, then walk to the bedroom and pull out the three bottles from my underwear drawer. My ICE pills… in case of emergency. Most days, I’m okay with just the daily medicine regimen, but today’s been so exhausting that my brain just can’t handle it.

Crawling into bed, I lie still, staring at the dark ceiling, praying that the visions don’t come back as I fall fast asleep.

The next day at work, I’m so tired that I decide to call it a day before the day even begins fully. By nine AM, I’m done. Cancelling my appointments for the day, I get only a few evil looks from fellow coworkers when I grab my bags and head out into the sunshine. I need a day to fix my head.

The attacks have been coming more and more frequently lately. The one last night was bad… I physically felt as if I were there. I could smell the smoke, see the flames.