By the time it’s over he’s finished with them and I can tell he really wants to work with them. He’s smiling, thanking them, and promising to call them soon.

“Right,” I scoff, as soon they leave the table.

“What?” Adam grumbles, paying the bill and standing.

“How you think you’re gonna pull that one off?” I smile as he narrows his eyes at me.

“How was Gabby in the bathroom, B?”

Fuck.

“Adam,” I warn.

“Hey… not my place, Benton. Right? I wouldn’t run to tell anyone about the 15 minutes that you spent in the bathroom with my fiancé’s best friend. Bros before hos… and all that shit.”

Fuck fuck fuck.

“I’m taking the rest of the day off,” I grunt, getting up from the table, and heading towards the door.

“Too hot of a mess for me, man. Enjoy your balls while you still have them,” he jokes, then shudders exaggeratedly.

“Tomorrow, Adam.” I nod, ignoring his antics and head back to the office to close out my shit for the day. My appointment is in an hour, but I’m already sitting in the waiting room. I haven’t talked to Dr. Travers in a month, and so much has happened this last month that I’ll be lucky if I can get it all in this weekend.

By the time my wait is up, I’ve completely worked myself up into an almost rage. Why would she want to live her life like this, hopping form one person to the next? Why can’t she fucking commit to me? We’re fucking perfect for each other… why can’t she see that?

“Benton,” Dr Travers says, eyeing me as I pick at the wood of the old chair. “Mind telling me what’s on your mind? Last month you were doing pretty good, but today you look… well, why don’t you just tell me what you’ve been up to?”

He’s sitting across from me, legs crossed, hands clasped on his lap. So fucking proper. Asshole.

Jesus, why am I so angry this afternoon?

“I’ve been seeing someone,” I start, trying not to growl at him. I flick my gaze to him and he’s just nodding silently, allowing me the time I need to talk.

So I do.

I tell him everything. From the first meet, to the first fuck, to everything else that I can think of. I spend forty-five minutes talking about Gabby, and it isn’t until I realize that he’s giving me the fifteen minute warning that I haven’t mentioned Carly or Hannah once this entire time.

Dr. Travers smiles and nods when I trail off, leaving off at the restaurant this afternoon. He knows everything. He can fix me. He can, and will, fix my crazy.

“Benton, you’ve been through a lot in the last year. Your wife died suddenly, you adopted a baby, you’ve taken a few huge leaps with the company; it’s safe to say you’re a little stressed. You seem to be channeling anger again, though,” he says, nodding towards my clenched fists. Getting it all out helped, but it wasn’t enough.

I need to hit something.

“I want to see you back at the gym, Benton. You need that release.” He grabs his note pad and writes a few notes before looking at me again. “Gabby, right?” he asks, pen in hand. I nod, and he eyes me curiously as he takes more notes.

“Listen, Benton, I don’t know the entire story. You’ve talked a lot, but I know there are still things that are missing. I’m not here for relationship advice, I’m here to make you level out. If being with her makes you happy, you need to pursue that, but if all you get is frustrated and mad... Benton, Hannah doesn’t need that. You have to think of your baby in this.” He shakes his head and stands up. “If it were me, and, after all this time, the girl wouldn’t commit to me, I’d have to draw the line. Either she commits, or you need to move on and be happy for that sweet girl of yours.” He shrugs. “It’s a hard truth, but you need to be happy. This,” he waves at my demeanor. “This isn’t good for you or Hannah,” he says.

“You’re right,” I say, pissed that I knew that’s what he was going to say, but it didn’t matter… it didn’t click… until he just now told me. “Thanks,” I grumble, standing and nodding, making an appointment on my way out for a few weeks from now.

On my way home to get cleaned up, I call my parents to check in on Hannah. They’re such an amazing support system. I’m not sure what I would do without both of them to help me in my times of need. It’s hard to be there for every drop off and pick up from daycare, especially with my job. I’m there as much as I can be, but, when I’m not, she has that strong and reliable source from my parents.

By the time I get to Gabby’s, I’ve calmed down enough to actually smile genuinely at her when she opens the door. She’s so fucking cute. Hair on the top of her head, reading glasses on, leggings and massive socks to match. How the hell does someone so sexy do cute so well? There should be a fucking law about that.

“Hey,” she smiles gently, rubbing her eyes under her glasses before closing the door behind me. The sexy vixen in the tight as shit dress from earlier is gone, and before me stands a real woman. A woman I have so many feelings for, it’s insane.

“Hi, how are you?” I ask, pulling her to me, unable to keep my hands off her. Pecking my lips quickly, a smirk crosses her face when she sees the gleam in my eyes. I can’t help it. She’s so damn beautiful.

“I’m fine. Just a small headache,” she says, rubbing her eyes again.

“You sure you’re okay with me being here? You look tired,” I say, earning a slap in the arm. “What the hell?” I laugh, grabbing it, and feigning hurt while she looks at me with huge eyes.

“You’re not supposed to tell a girl she looks tired, Benton!”

“OOOh… okay. I’ll remember that next time you look tired,” I say, grinning.

She laughs it off and heads into the kitchen where she’s making lasagna. Watching her do something as simple as cooking has my feelings so wound up for her. I just want to tell her I think I’m falling hard for her. I want her to know that I’m growing to love her. The more that I watch her do these simple tasks the more I can see myself being involved like this for the rest of her life, but I can’t. I can’t, because I don’t want her to go, and, if I tell her how I really feel, she’ll run.

I know it.

“It was my gran’s recipe,” she whispers, setting a plate in front of me.

In all these months we’ve been friends with benefits, not once has she made dinner for me. When she brings me a drink, I grab her hand before she retreats to get her bowl and notice how perfect our hands fit together. She’s watching me intently, but I can’t take my eyes off of the only place our bodies are connected. I feel such warmth from having her hand in mine. Such peace.

Shit, I want this… I want her… so fucking bad.

“Can we just eat first, please?” she whispers, knowing that we have a heavy topic to discuss tonight.

“Absolutely. This looks fantastic, Gabby.”

She doesn’t say anything, just smiles and nods, and the twinkle in her eye from earlier is gone. What’s going on with her today?

Gabby

I Can’t Be Alone

“This is delicious, Gab,” he says, as he shoves another bite into his mouth. His beautiful mouth, on his beautiful body, that I’m afraid I’m caring for way too much lately.

“Thanks,” I answer, feeling like I’m on autopilot tonight. The episode in the bathroom earlier took a lot from me. Having it in front of him made the recoup from it better, but, when I got home, I realized just how bad things are starting to get. I’ve had so many panic episodes and flashbacks this last week compared to a year ago, and I can’t help but peg it on the fact that I’m starting to have very strong feelings for the man sitting in front of me. I want to be with him, I want a normal life… what girl doesn’t? I’m not made for that, though. I don’t deserve that. Not after what I did.

“Here, let me,” Benton says, taking my empty plate before I’m able to set it in the sink. “You cooked, I’ll clean,” he says, then grins and winks at me as he walks to the sink. His wink and grin has me ready to jump him, but I don’t. We need to talk, and fucking… as delicious as it sounds… won’t allow us time to talk.