Jesus Christ.

“I’m glad I could be of service to you,” I whisper, trailing my fingers down his face and gently kissing him. He takes my hands in his and smiles, immediately followed by scrunching his eyebrows as he lifts my hand to his gaze.

“What happened?” he asks, inspecting my bandage that has blood seeping through.

Fuck.

“I cut myself. It’s nothing,” I say, pulling my hand back.

“That looks bad, babe.” He reaches for my hand again, and I know it’s no use trying to hide it from him. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

Walking me back to his chair, he sets me down and leaves his office, just to return shortly with a first aid kit. He’s watching me intently, not letting his eyes leave me, and it’s making me nervous. He’s going to ask, I’m going to have to tell him, and then he’s going to judge me.

“What’d you do, Gabby?”

Called it.

“Cut myself,” I answer, grinning. The teenager in me wants to add a ‘duh’ in there, but I hold it back when the look he gives me tells me this isn’t a laughing matter. He pulls the bandage off, and I look away. I remembered seeing flapping skin yesterday when it happened, but I wrapped it so fast that I really didn’t have much time, or want, to inspect it.

“Jesus Christ, Gab. That’s bad,” he says. “How did you cut yourself?” His voice is growing angry, and I keep telling myself he’ll never hurt me. Never. He loves me. He’s not my mother.

“I had an episode. While doing dishes,” I whisper. He curses under his breath and starts cleaning it up. It burns a bit, but I’m trying not to show him that he’s hurting me. He’s doing it to help me, not because he wants to.

He sighs and wraps me up with new gauze and tape, kissing it gently before cleaning up his desk.

“I wish you would’ve called me.”

“Why? So you could drop everything to tend to my knife cut?” I try to laugh it off but he’s not joking.

“No. I know you can care for yourself, you’re very independent but Gab, I just want you to talk to me. If you have an episode, a flashback, if you black out, I want to know. I want you to talk to me,” he whispers, pulling me in for a hug.

I’d be calling you a lot, Benton.

“I’m okay. I promise.” I smile as best as I can and he sighs, standing and putting the kit in his desk.

“Any news on a job?” he asks, helping me stand and walking towards his door. I know he has a meeting, but I really don’t want to have to leave him.

I also don’t want to talk about this.

“No. Nothing.”

“My offer still stands, Gab. I meant it.” He’s looking me square in the eye, seriously offering his house for me to live in.

“You don’t have a spare bedroom, Benton.” I smile, watching him raise his eyebrows.

“You wouldn’t need one, Gab. I need you in my life, and having you there when I wake up would be the best thing ever. Think about it, and I’ll call you tonight,” he says, gently kissing my on the lips. “I’ve got to get to this meeting.” He winks and opens the door, allowing me to walk past him and out the door. “I like your freshly fucked hair,” he whispers, and then pinches my ass before walking down the opposite hallway, as I go to leave.

That man.

The rest of the afternoon goes by so fucking slow. I meet with Dr. T for a session and, though I’m still having episodes, he’s happy with the way I’m progressing. We’ve cut back on the amount of pills I allow myself to take during the day, substituting them with different coping techniques. I feel on edge all the time, more so than before, but he said that’s normal for someone going through what I am.

“So, how’s Benton?” He smiles and watches me for my reaction.

“Fine,” I answer, picking at the couch cushion.

“Any progress made with your relationship? You’ve talked an awful lot about him these last few sessions, but this one you’ve stayed quiet on that topic. Why is that, Gabby?”

“Because I’m scared to hear what you have to tell me,” I answer with a smartass tone, which brings a laugh out of him.

“Well, that’s probably because you know what I’m going to say already, and the answer scares you.”

When I don’t answer, he chuckles.

“Fine. He asked me to move in with him. As you know, I haven’t been able to find a job, so I’m about to lose my place,” I huff. “I told him I could move back in with my mom, but he just blurted out that I should just move in with him. It wasn’t because he wants me there, it was because he felt obligated.”

“What makes you believe that? Hasn’t he showed you just how much he cares for you?”

“Yea, but he has a kid.”

“And you love him, right? Have you told him yet?”

I narrow my eyes at him and nod my head. He nods and grins at me, standing up.

“Listen, your time was up ten minutes ago… but I think you should do it, Gabby. It would be fantastic, for both of you,” he says.

I smile at him and nod, the lump in my throat stopping me from speaking.

Can I do this, really? Can I give up everything I’ve worked for to move in with Benton?

I guess I really don’t have a choice.

The entire drive to his place I’m so nervous that he’s going to take back what he told me, that, by the time I make it to my parking spot, I’m on the edge of an attack. Trying to breathe it out doesn’t work. I don’t carry ICE pills anymore, per Dr. T’s request, so my only other hope is finding something beautiful to focus on.

Near Benton’s place is a small park. It’s cool outside today, and there’s a dad with his little girl all bundled up like it’s winter time, pushing her on the swing. I can’t see their faces with the way they are standing, but I love the carefree scene in front of me. So innocent, so sweet, a father spending time with his daughter, probably giving the mom some time to rest, or maybe mom’s with the little newborn baby brother. It’s all so perfect in my head, these beautiful situations I’ve dreamed up for this father and daughter. Before I know it, I’m smiling, imagining this little girl all grown up, always a daddy’s girl, and tears are rolling down my cheek. But the attack isn’t threatening me anymore.

Pulling my mirror down, I quickly check for makeup smudges. When a knock comes at my window, I shriek, slamming the mirror closed to find Benton and Hannah smiling at me. Hannah’s cheeks are windblown, and Benton’s nose is red.

And they are wearing the jackets that the dad and his daughter at the swings were wearing. When my eyes flick to the swings, they aren’t there anymore… then it hits me.

The beautiful thing that I focused on to get my attack to die down was my Benton and Hannah.

I have to move in with them… Maybe they really can fix me.

Maybe they’re just what I need after all.

Benton

I’m Ready

She’s staring at me like she just pissed herself, and I can’t help but laugh.

‘’What’s up, why’re you just sitting here?” I laugh when Hannah wiggles her way over to her as soon as Gabby is out of her car.

“I uh… I was waiting for you to be finished at the park.”

Her strange behavior has me second guessing her real reason as to why she looked to be fixing her makeup in the car, but I don’t push. I’ve noticed lately she’s been open with me about her episodes and feelings, so there’s no reason she’d hold back now. I’d hope not, at least.

“Let’s get inside. She’s gonna be starving soon,” I say, closing Gabby’s car door and walking them inside. Hannah is in heaven playing with Gabby’s sunglasses, and from the looks of it she’s not bothering Gab at all by getting her tiny fingerprints all over them.

“So, how was the rest of your day?” she asks as we finally make it inside. I grin, watching her set Hannah in the pack and play, handing her a few toys to play with. She’s such a fucking natural, which breaks my heart because that reminds me why she is.