I have to calm her down.

“Shh. Gabby, listen to me. When was the last time you talked to your mom?” I ask, gently smoothing her hair as she curls into me on the bed.

“Uh,” she whimpers. “She called me at work… sometime right before I was fired. I hung up, then blacked out,” she whispers.

Shit.

“Gabby, before that, how long had it been?” I’m trying to keep my voice calm but I can’t seem to regulate my breathing right now. Is her mom stalking her?

“It’s been a while,” she says.

“As in?” I know I’m pushing, but I need to know.

“Twelve years,” she whispers. “Last time she spoke to me, she told me never to come back… so I didn’t. I packed up and drove north until I landed here. She threatened me, Benton. I wouldn’t ever go back to her.” I feel her tears start to soak through my shirt and curse. Fuck.

“I shouldn’t be here, Benton. It’s not safe,” she says, her voice eerily calm. “I know what she wants. She warned me. Somehow, she’s been following me… I can feel it. I’ve felt it for a while now, but seeing her face on the news today confirmed it. She’s coming for me.”

Bullshit.

“No. I’m not letting you walk out this door and walk out of our lives. You’re a goddamned lawyer, and I have connections everywhere. We’ll put a fucking guard outside this door until that lunatic is found, but, I swear to you, I will not let you leave me because you’re scared.” I rumble, angry that the thought won’t leave her mind.

“It’s not safe,” she whispers again.

Goddamnit!

“How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t care? I know the risks I’m taking, having a kid and bringing her out in public. Dammit, Gabby… I love you. Every bit of you. Stay here, and let me fucking help you.”

She sniffles and sits up, staring at me with her beautiful yet extremely different eyes.

“You’d put yourself in danger for me?”

She’s so convinced something bad is going to happen that it breaks my heart even more. She grew up with nothing but pain and bad news. It’s all she’s used to.

“I’m not going anywhere, baby.” I pull her in to me, and kiss her forehead gently. “Neither are you.”

She sighs and, together, we lay back on to the bed, holding on to each other until sleep finally hits.

The next day at work, Adam walks in to my office and closes the door immediately.

“Problem, B.” He sits on the chair opposite my desk, and puts his hands behind his neck.

Raising my eyebrows in question, I wait for him to explain.

“Annaliese won’t let me have the prostitute gig,” he says seriously.

“Oh,” I answer, trying not to crack a smile. “Well… too bad.”

I now know he’s been fucking with me all along when he cracks a grin then grits his jaw tight.

“Fuck you, man!” I laugh and he busts out laughter.

“How the fuck long were you going to believe that I’d take on a business like them?!” He’s laughing so hard right now; it’s good to see it after everything lately.

“Dude, you were believable. You’ve been brushing up on your acting skills.”

“Right, with all my free time,” he scoffs. “Those girls were annoying as hell. I dropped contact with them the day after the meeting when Annaliese found out about it.” He chuckles and crosses his ankle on his knee.

“Oh, so she did find out about it?”

“Fuck, yes, she did. And I had to sleep on the couch! Thing is nice looking, and crazy expensive… but it sleeps like shit.”

I can’t help but laugh at him. Sometimes all it takes is a woman to bring us back to reality.

“Hey, if I would need your help with some personal issues… you game?”

“Intriguing…” he hums, tapping his fingers on the chair. “Gabby?”

“Something like that, yeah,” I say. I’m not sure how much she wants me to tell people about her past and her crazy mother, but I need to know Adam will have our back if everything starts falling apart.

“Anything you need, man. Anything at all.”

“Thanks. Now, get out. I have a phone interview with a possible small business that wants your money,” I say, nodding at the door.

“Have fun giving my money away. Make good decisions, bro. A-Team out,” he says, then shuts the door behind him.

Right before my phone call, I get a text from Gabby.

GABBY: I’d like to take Hannah to the park. Do you think that would be okay?

She what? I didn’t think she wanted to even be with us, and now she wants to take her out in public? I can’t say ‘no’, because then I’d put off the vibe that I think something could go wrong. What could go wrong? Definitely nothing with your girlfriend’s crazy mother… or the fact that your girlfriend herself is prone to panic attacks and blackouts that leave her cold on the floor.

Fuck.

ME: That’s fine. Just be careful and have fun.

I hit send, and then look around my office. All the pictures of Hannah as a newborn, Hannah’s one month, two month and so on images.

I can’t lose her. I can’t lose Gabby. So, instead of taking the phone call when it comes in, I have it rescheduled and leave the office. Gabby told me what park they’re going to. I won’t ruin their girl time, but I will keep an eye on them… just to make sure they’re safe until they get back inside my place and behind locked doors.

If Gabby wants to live a real life, wants to try to be normal, and this is how she wants to do it, I’m going to be right there watching her, making sure everything is safe and secure for the two girls I love most in this world.

Even if she doesn’t know it.

Gabby

It’s all OK

The swings creak and I leave one hand on her as long as I can before she swings forward again. I like the fact that she’s not fully mobile yet, so coming to the park is as easy as sitting her in a swing and letting her laugh and enjoy herself, locked in one place where I can be right by her. I’ve been watching the other people here, and, so far, no one looks familiar and no one puts off a ‘killer’ vibe. Not that I wouldn’t know my mom the second I saw her, but she’s evil enough to hire someone to off me if she thinks I’ll run.

Which I would, if it came down to it.

Of course, the anxiety I typically feel when out in public is heightened to new levels today with the threat of my mother finding me, as well as being out here with Hannah, but I’ve been focusing on keeping her laughing. Her laughter has kept me grounded so far.

We swing for an hour like this, making silly noises and faces every time the swing brings her back to me. The fit of giggles this girl has coming out of her has put a permanent smile on my face. She’s so bright and happy and innocent. At one point, I thought that being around her would make my panic attacks and flashbacks worse, since I’d constantly be being reminded of what I lost… but somehow she’s the best therapy I’ve ever had. She’s happy and carefree. She’s small and brave. She’s innocent.

I love her like she were my own, and I think that’s why I can do this without freaking out. I know what happened when I was neglectful of my own child. Sure, the court system said it was just an accident, and no blame was laid on me legally, but I know the truth. I was neglectful and he suffered. They both did. I’ll never be that neglectful again, especially now that Hannah is in my life.

“You about ready to go home, Hannah Banana?” I ask, pulling her out of the swing and pressing my chilly nose to hers. She giggles and snuggles her face into the crook of my neck, signaling that naptime is almost near.

I was thrilled when Benton said I could keep her at his place today. Not having a job, the days get lonely and long. Having her with me has helped break some of that up. During her morning nap, I napped with her, and, if all goes well, she’ll be asleep for the walk home and transfer to her crib nicely, allowing me time to get a much needed phone call made.