“You’re gonna be okay, you know that?” I say, curling into him, tracing the tattoo lines on his chest.

“Yeah,” he says, then clears his throat. “Doesn’t mean I want to hear that,” he says, getting out of bed, and leaving me cold from where my body was pressed against his.

These mood swings have been a recurring thing these last few days too.

“Work tomorrow?” I ask, standing and stretching, choosing to ignore the anger starting to radiate from him. I’ve learned that if I don’t pay a lot of attention to his swings, then he calms down faster than when I pick a fight with him. I’ve seen him fight, I’ve seen what he’s capable of… and I know what being hit feels like. I’d rather not have it come from someone I care deeply about ever again.

“Yeah,” he clips, his tone a fragment happier. Pulling his clothes on, he sighs and rakes his hands down his face before looking at me. “Listen… I’m sorry, Gabby.” He walks towards me and circles his arms around me. “I’m just… shit,” he sighs.

“Hey,” I say, pulling back the slightest bit to look him in the eyes. His beautiful brown eyes that have been dark and stormy these last few days are starting to come back to life. “It’s okay. I get it. It’s been rough, babe. You’ve been so strong,” I whisper.

He clenches his perfectly sculpted jaw, the shadow from not shaving for a few days is starting to turn darker, making him look more distinguished. Just watching him look at me turns me on. It’s never been like this with anyone before. I’ve never felt so satisfied from just sleeping with one person; that’s why I always had multiple partners and liked to change it up. Ever since Benton, though, he’s been the one. The only one.

“I like this,” I say, smiling as I rub his face with my hands. “You should keep it.”

“Mmm,” he replies, leaning in to pull me in for a kiss. Moaning, I melt into his arms, and welcome the warmth, comfort, and peace that he brings me. “You’d probably like to feel what it’s like between those beautiful legs of yours, wouldn’t you?” His hand slips between my legs to start playing me and I feel the automatic heat and wetness from just one touch. Jesus, he’s good.

“Mmmm,” I moan, not able to form full words anymore. His fingers enter me and he groans, making me even wetter. “Shit,” I pant as he pushes me against the wall, and his lips come down on my collarbone.

“God, Gabby,” he moans, his fingers fucking me and rubbing me, sending me on my way to another mind blowing orgasm.

“I need you, B. I need you in me,” I pant, locking eyes with him. He grunts and lifts me easily, carrying me to the bed. Sitting me on the edge, he lets me take my time pulling the shirt off he just put on and flicking his nipple rings with my tongue. I love to hear his moans when my tongue plays the bars.

“God, Gab,” he growls. “Lay back, baby.” I do as directed, playing with myself, teasing him as he kicks his boxers off and grabs a condom.

“No,” I blurt. I hate condoms, and I want to feel all of him. I want… need… the connection to him.

He looks at me quizzically, a half grin playing on his lips.

“I uh…” Shit, Gabby, way to think before you speak! “I just want to feel you. All of you. I’m clean, I promise.”

“You sure about this? I mean… I’ve been fucking waiting for this day for months now… the day when I can finally be with you without this little bitch… but… are you sure?” He’s holding it in the air, waiting for my answer. I grin and bite my bottom lip, suddenly too shy to answer with words.

Since when is Gabby Rosdale shy? I’m lying here on this bed, playing with myself in front of a naked male… there’s no room for ‘shy’ in this scenario.

“Fuck yes,” he growls, then slides into me and rests his forehead on mine. “Oh good god, Gabby,” he pants, going to his elbows, and taking my face in his hands. His eyes collide with mine, and I see those three little words on the tip of his tongue.

Oh shit, don’t say it, Benton. Don’t say them.

“Mmm, Benton,” I moan, closing my eyes and throwing my head back to give him the silent invitation to move his lips a little lower, trying to distract him from saying those three words.

He does as instructed, and starts moving slowly, groaning with every slight movement. I feel everything… every ridge, every pulse… everything. It’s so divine being this connected to someone that you love.

“Oh, God,” I exclaim. Not from the intense pleasure, but from the realization that the feelings I’ve been feeling are… love. I fucking love him?

No! I can’t fucking love him. I don’t do that shit.

“Jesus, Gabby, it’s never felt this good,” he pants, and I can feel his orgasm coming. Without the barrier it’s easy to tell when he’s starting to harden, right to the point of release. Slowing his movements, he sits up on his knees and starts massaging my clit while pinching my nipples. The pain and pleasure combination sets me off and has me turning my head into the pillow to hide the connection I’m feeling with him.

“Fuck, Benton,” I moan, pushing my face into the pillow so my moans don’t wake Hannah.

And so he can’t see the true feelings that are radiating from me right now.

Love. Last time I loved someone, everything was ruined.

“Shit, Gabby,” he growls, smashing his lips to mine. His movements get stiffer and harder. The deeper he goes, the better it feels as I ride my orgasm out to his release. Fuck. This is perfection. We lay like that for what seems like hours. His pants matching my ragged breaths, our glistening bodies twisted together without anything between us.

It’s beautiful.

As soon as we finally start to move and get cleaned up, Hannah starts crying from her room down the hall. Benton chuckles and kisses my forehead when I groan. I don’t want to leave the bed. I don’t want to be away from him. I know I should, I know that being this addicted to him won’t end well, but I don’t want to.

“At least she waited until we were finished,” he winks, his famous fucking Benton wink that gets to me every time. He walks out and closes the door behind him, and I power out of bed to find all my clothes. I need time alone. I need time to process this. I need to leave.

“Hey, I’ve got some stuff to get done at my place today,” I say, bag already in hand when he walks out of her room with the baby on his hip. I have a phone call with Dr. Travers in a few hours and need to be alone for it. I need some advice, and he’s always been there for me whenever I need him. No matter what day or time. When I texted him last night, I still hadn’t realized my true feelings for Benton or how deep my feelings for his daughter were. Now, I have a shit storm of things I need his advice and help on.

“Oh… okay. Yeah, that’s cool. We’re just going to lay low today before having to get back to the real world tomorrow,” he says, trying to mask his disappointment. It actually hurts my chest to walk away from them today after all this time we’ve spent together, but I need some time to myself to figure these feelings out. I haven’t felt this strongly for anyone ever. I don’t even think I felt this way for Jordan, but even then, I still know what can happen when I have an episode. I know what happens in my attacks, and it’s not good. I can’t be the one to hurt this family.

By the time I make it home, I’ve tried talking myself out of staying in a relationship with him about ten times, but I still haven’t been able to stick with it. Something is keeping me from breaking it off with him. I know what that something is, but I don’t want to accept it. Grabbing lunch, I wait for the phone call that will hopefully help me settle some of the nerves coursing through my body.

When the call finally comes, I breathe a sigh of relief. He’s always been able to help me… hopefully this time isn’t any different.

“Gabby, hello,” his deep voice comes through the line and immediately soothes me. It’s been this way since I was a child, and saw him in my school counseling room. He knows my past and knows everything about what happened that night. Dr. Travers is a lifesaver, and the only man I’ll ever really trust.