Or, at least, I thought that would be the case.

“Hi. I’m sorry for needing this today, but things have been so scary lately,” I whisper.

“Scary how? Have you had any episodes?” His voice is professional, but still has a hint of personal worry. He’s invested his career in my well-being. He doesn’t charge me, he cancels appointments when I need him… he’s put shit on the line for me.

So I tell him. I haven’t seen him since Benton’s mom passed, so I fill him in on everything. He already knows about the relationship between us, but he doesn’t know yet about us being exclusive. I tell him about Benton, the job, Hannah, Benton’s dad. I tell him my worries about Annaliese, and how she’s not truly happy. I tell him everything. That’s the thing about Dr. T. He doesn’t judge, so I don’t hold anything back. The only way he can help me get through this is if he knows everything, so I tell him about the episodes the night I watched Hannah, the extra pills…. Everything.

By the time I’m finished, I feel better just from getting everything off my chest. It’s nice to talk to someone that knows what I’ve been through and doesn’t judge me.

“Sounds like you’ve got a lot going on. How’s your anxiety today?”

“It’s fine. I came home to have some alone time. It’s funny… I used to hate being alone, but I needed it today just to get my head on straight.”

“I understand. Listen, I’m not a fan of you taking pills when you deem fit. It’s not a good habit to get into, and it worries me that you’ve been doing this for a while now.”

I knew he wasn’t going to like it, but it’s the only thing that’s helped. I didn’t have a choice.

“I can’t not take them,” I whisper, worried he’s going to pull me from it all. “I need them. I need to feel normal.”

He sighs into the receiver, taking a moment to collect his thoughts.

“Gabby, I’d like to see you. Can you come in Thursday?” His voice is out of concern, but I hate that he can’t just talk me through this over the phone. “Don’t do anything rash, Gabby. Just spend the week mulling things over, no extra medicine. Spend time with Benton and Hannah… they seem to be good for you. I’ll see you at our normal time on Thursday, okay?”

“Yeah. Fine. Thanks,” I huff, unhappy with the outcome of this call.

So, now I get to wait all week to have him tell me I’m crazy.

Back to work it is.

Benton

More Lies

“Sue, find me the file on Tagers.” The account was opened a few months back, but I can’t find anything on it, and with the way my brain has been muddled lately, I just need to make sure something didn’t happen while I was gone.

“On it,” she says cheerily, walking out of my office with an air about her… something that I haven’t seen lately.

Yesterday, I came back to work to an office that was completely normal. Being gone a week, I would have thought that things would’ve been fucking nuts here, but it seems like Adam made sure to keep it as normal and smooth as possible until my return. That’s what’s good about working with him. He’s organized and thorough. Sure, he can be a ruthless dick, and sometimes wants to take on projects that are too big for his own good, but he’s the most reliable business partner I could’ve ever imagined and the best friend a man could ask for.

“Hey,” he says from my doorway. “Holding up good?” Adam walks into the room with purpose, clicking the door shut behind him. Slowly making his way to my desk, where I’ve been all morning, getting caught up with emails, he makes a point to check out every photo I have on my desk of my family.

“As good as can be expected, I guess,” I say, huffing when he sits in front of me. “What’s up, man? I’ve got a shit ton of catching up to do.”

Really, I’ve been avoiding him since I came back because I know he’s going to want to talk about shit.

“I know for a fact that’s a lie. I made sure to leave you less of a workload than you had when your leave started. It’s only been a week or so, B. You don’t need this stress,” he says, shaking his head and staring at the papers I’ve accumulated this morning.

“I need this more than you think, Adam,” I sigh.

“Really? Gabby not doing it for you anymore?”

“Shut the fuck up, man! Can’t you fucking deal with your shit and leave me to mine?!” I bark, standing from my chair, ready to fight. I’ve been so on edge lately that I’m trying to pick a fight over nothing. Fuck, Benton. Calm your shit.

He smiles and leans back, loving the fact that he got to me that easily. Shit, he did it on purpose just to see my reaction to her.

“Fuck,” I sigh, sitting back down.

“Yeah, really. I never thought I’d see the day you moved on from Carly, but here we are…”

“Fuck off, Adam. You know that’s not what this is. She’s not coming back, and I’m finally happy with someone.”

“Someone who blacks out in your house while babysitting? Someone who lies to you about said blackout? Dude, I think you need to get your priorities straight. She better be fucking great in bed-”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I cut him off. The noise that comes out of me puts a quick look of fear on his otherwise calm complexion. He knows what happens when I get mad. That’s why he used to bet on me, and only me, when I fought. Back when things were less complicated.

“Shit. I can’t say, exactly, but I can tell you Gabby isn’t all she’s making herself out to seem. Something’s going on, dude,” he sighs. “Annaliese and she sat in the living room that night for over an hour and, by the time they were finished, Gabby was passed out on the couch and Annaliese cried the entire way home.”

“What the hell happened that night? Gabby said you two stopped by because you were in the neighborhood, but didn’t you have that fundraiser? That’s on the other side of Chicago.” I’m starting to get very worried that what Gabby has told me about the happenings of that dreadful night aren’t exactly full of the truth. Why would she lie to me about that, about something regarding my daughter?

“Dude, I wasn’t in the room. All I know is that Gabby called freaking out, Annaliese made us leave the party, and, when we got there, Gab was passed out on the living room floor, phone still in hand.”

Passed Out?

“Fuck me,” I moan, putting my head in my hands for a moment to take in the disappointment. The rage. The hurt. What the hell? “Adam, she lied to me,” I say, astonished that I almost told her I loved her the other day. How can I love someone that lies to me about something like that? And what type of person does it make me that even though I know she lied, I still have incredibly strong feelings towards her? Feelings of love and hope for the future.

Fuck.

“Yeah, well…” He rests his elbows on his knees and sighs. Looking at me and glancing back at the door, like he’s making sure I’m the only one to hear his next words, he clears his throat and continues. “B, she has a kid.”

It feels like the wind’s been knocked out of me. A kid? A KID! She has a fucking kid?!

“I need you to leave, Adam,” I growl, clenching my fists, feeling the need to hit something. Hard.

“No can do,” he leans back and stares at me. “You’re not about to ruin this office because you can’t get that anger under control. Too much fucking money lies right here in this beautiful desk.” He pets the desk and grins. Asshole.

“I’m not going to destroy the office,” I say as calmly as I can. “I’m going to find Gabby.”

“Nope. She’s in cases all day, I’ve already checked. Good thing our company has a good chunk of money in her office. We can keep track of all of our employees that way.” He shrugs and picks up a picture frame of Hannah and my mom. “It’s a beautiful picture, B. She truly loved that little girl,” he says, trying to get my mind off the fact that I want to scream at Gabby until she tells me the truth.