“Gabby, what’s wrong?” she says, beginning to sound frantic.

“I can’t… I need…” I start gasping for air, and I know it’s only a matter of time. FUCK! “Annie, I need you,” I whimper, squeezing my eyes shut as the room starts to spin.

“Where are you?” she demands. I hear voices in the background, and vaguely remember hearing a loud noise before finally answering.

“Benton’s,” is all I can get out, then everything goes black.

***

“You know what you’re worth,” my mother growls, hovering over me. “Nothing. You’re a piece of shit nothing that can’t ever keep anything good. That boy was all you had, and you made him go away. Now, you’re fucking stuck in here with me. This motherfucking apartment isn’t even big enough for the two of us,” she growls, kicking me while I’m down.

I never knew she felt that strongly about him. I know she hates me, but I always thought she hated everything about me, but apparently she loves my boyfriend. Mothers are supposed to be kind and gentle and caring. Mine is anything but.

Limping to my room, I lock the door and curl into the bed, rubbing my protruding stomach where she kicked me.

“One of these days we’ll be out of here, buddy,” I whisper, willing myself to sleep.

***

“Gabby!” I hear her voice through the darkness, but I can’t find her. “Gabby, wake up.” Frantic hands find my arms and I moan, cursing the pain radiating through my body. “Jesus Christ, Gabby wake UP!”

“I’m going in to check on Hannah,” a male voice says.

Not my Benton. He’s not here for me.

“Gabby,” Annaliese whispers, pulling my body into her arms, as I start to weep. I can’t open my eyes to see the look on her face. I can’t look around to see what happened while I was out. I don’t want to know what time it is because I don’t want to know how long I was out. I can’t do this. This is so fucking embarrassing. “Please talk to me, Gab,” Annaliese whispers as my tears slow to a halt.

“I can’t,” I mumble, trying to pick myself up from the floor only to fail miserably. Huffing, I curse and sit up straight, at least. She doesn’t need to support all of my crazy.

“What the hell, Gabby? You had me worried sick,” she says, her hands fidgeting in front of her. I feel so fucking bad that I made them come save my crazy ass. I feel so fucking bad I passed out while watching Benton’s baby girl.

“Oh, god! Hannah!” Getting up from the floor in record time, I sprint into the bedroom where Adam’s rocking her. “Oh shit,” I whisper, him glaring at me.

“She’s fine. She woke up when I came in the room,” he whispers.

“She was asleep?” I ask nervously.

“Yes,” he snips, the glare on his face not relaxing. I take that as I’m not welcome in the room, so I walk back out slowly to Annaliese who has gotten a glass of water and is waiting on the couch for me.

“You wanna tell me what’s going on, Gab?” She offers me the water, and watches me gulp it down. Shit, I need to get home to take my pills, but I can’t ask them to stay with Hannah, and, last I checked, I couldn’t get a hold of Benton. What the hell happened to him? I hope everything’s okay.

“I’d rather not,” I say honestly, watching her reaction go from sad to hurt instantly. Shit. “Look, Ann… It’s such a long story…” I sigh and curse, wrapping my arms around my knees. Everything in my body aches right now, but that’s nothing compared to the pain I’m going to feel when Benton finds out about this. He’s going to leave me for good. I just know it.

“I’m here, Gabby. I’m not going anywhere until you talk to me. You’re my best friend; I need you to talk. Please,” she whispers. I see the hurt on her face, and notice the glare in her eyes. Sighing, I close my eyes, and remember the first attack I had in front of her.

I told her it was just panic because of school. I told her I’d be okay, and not to worry. She believed me at the time. This time, I don’t think I’m going to get away with that simple of an answer.

“Annaliese, you don’t want to hear it all.” I sigh, watching her scoot closer to me.

“I do, though. I’m hurt that you’ve been keeping things from me, Gab. I thought we could tell each other anything.”

“I know… and we are….” I stop, watching her hands come around mine to stop them from fidgeting.

“Gabby, you need an outlet. Something, someone to talk to. Please,” she pleads.

Annaliese is the closest thing to a sister I’ll ever have. If I can’t tell her, I’ll never be able to tell anyone.

“It all started twelve years ago, Ann,” I huff. “That’s a hell of a lot of storytelling to do,” I warn.

“I’m here, bitch. Let Adam get his uncle snuggle time in. We’re not going anywhere anytime soon.”

She gives me the eye that she gives me when her determination is set. I’m not getting around this tonight.

So, I tell her.

“I was young,” I say. “I had a very rough childhood. My mom was abusive, and my dad was a drunk. Ann, I never planned for anything past high school because I didn’t think I’d be alive to see past the age of 18. When it happened… when I got pregnant… that was the best thing that ever happened to me. I actually had something, for the first time in my life, to look forward to.” I stop, taking a breath, knowing there’s no more easy part of the story to tell. Then, I go on. I tell her everything. About Jordan and how he was abusive, how I tried to break it off. I tell her that living now without a child is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I leave out the gory details of that night. I tell her about Benton and our relationship, and, when I finally stop talking, the tears streaming down her face hurt more than anything.

“I don’t want pity,” I whisper. “I don’t want things to change now.”

“Oh, Gabby… I don’t pity you. I love you, Gab. You’re like a sister to me.” She takes a breath and tries to collect herself. “I… I’m so sorry I never asked.”

“Ann, you had no reason to. I hide it from everyone. You’re the first person I’ve ever opened up to since it happened.”

“So, what are you going to do now?”

“Go on like normal,” I say, shrugging.

“But Ben-”

“Stop. No… there’s no way I’m telling him and, if you blab to anyone, I’ll cut you,” I growl. She laughs and shakes her head at me, smiling.

“I love you, bitch.”

“Yeah, yeah, stop getting mushy. Take your man home. I think he wants to murder me after tonight. The death rays he was sending me were enough to kill earlier.”

“He’s a very loyal person, Gab. He loves and protects hard. He’s just worried about all of you.”

She has a point. He’s never shown me anything but kindness and he loves Hannah. I smile and nod, accepting her words as true, if anything just to calm her and make her leave.

I want her out so I can refocus my energy to get off the couch. I’d never tell her, but I don’t think I can move right now. I need rest. I need aspirin. I need my meds. Most of all, though… I need Benton.

Benton

Numb

If I thought I was numb the entire cab ride back, I was wrong. Now that I’m in an elevator that is taking its sweet old fucking time to get me upstairs, I’m shaking from nerves that something happened. My gut told me the entire ride home that something was wrong, but I ignored it. I thought that it was just the nerves and emotions rolling through my body that made me feel like something bad happened. Seeing Adam and Annaliese in my building, though, proved me wrong.

Something did happen. They just wouldn’t tell me what. The only words Adam told me were, “Everything is fine. I’ll see you at work.” He didn’t ask where I was, I didn’t tell him about my mom, I didn’t ask about Gabby. No small talk. He looked pissed, and Annaliese looked sad, and now this elevator is going to look busted if it doesn’t speed up. How long does it take to travel 8 floors, anyway?!