“My mom,” he manages to choke out. “I need to go,” he says, frantically starting to pack the rest of his things into the stroller.
“Wait, B,” I say, resting my hand on his shoulder, helping him calm his erratic movements. “What happened? Where are you going?”
“Hospital,” he whispers and my stomach drops.
“Oh God, Benton,” I whisper, kneeling down by him. “What about Hannah?”
Apparently, he hadn’t thought of that, because, the minute I say it, his eyes grow wide with panic.
“I’ll… I…” he stammers, but he can’t get words out. He’s in shock, I think.
“Hey. How about I take her back to your place until you’re done? I don’t have plans today, so I’ll take her back, we’ll nap and do girl stuff while you be with your mom. How’s that sound?” I’m silently cursing myself for suggesting that, but I need to be here for him. I need to help in any way I can. A baby, especially one that wants to be as independent as she can, but isn’t quite ready to yet, would be a headache at a hospital. Trying to keep her off the floor, keeping her from touching her face with her hands after she touches all the gross surfaces that hospitals have to offer. He can’t bring her with. This is the only option.
“Are you sure?” His sad eyes hit mine, and my heart breaks for him. I hate that he’s hurting. Smiling, I nod.
“Absolutely.”
He sighs, then pulls me in for a kiss that turns into a hug that turns into him not letting go of me for what feels like forever. Wrapped in his embrace, I’m safe. He’s safe. Together, we’re safe.
As long as we don’t let the world touch us.
Benton
Mom
Watching Gabby walk back to my house with my baby girl is the most beautiful sight I think I’ve ever seen. She’s intuitive with Hannah, like she’s done the ‘hanging out with a child’ thing before, but, from what I know about her, I know she doesn’t have kids or siblings or anyone in her life that would make that possible. Maybe she’s just a naturally maternal person. I’ve known her for months, she’s my best friend’s fiancé’s best friend, so I trust her with my girl. Actually, I’m not worried one bit about the two of them. I know they’ll be just fine.
What I am worried about, though, is what’s going on with my mom. My dad didn’t have any information other than he found her on the floor of the kitchen, blood coming from a wound on her head. That’s all I have to go on, and this taxi ride is taking way too fucking long. I can’t get there fast enough.
By the time the cab stops in front of the hospital entrance, I’m already halfway out before it comes to a complete stop. Thank God for card swipe machines in the back of those things now. I swiped my card right off the bat, so I could get out and run to my family. They need me.
I need them.
I find my dad in the corner of the ER waiting room, wringing his hands together with worry. A simple gesture that I remember seeing a lot in my childhood. As an adult, I notice it and realize it’s worry, but, as a kid, I had no clue. They worked so hard to keep me happy and upbeat like any other child, but now I know the struggles they went through. The things they sacrificed for me. Now that I’m older, I want to repay that. I need to.
“Hey,” I whisper, sitting next to him. His glances over at me, and his arm immediately goes around my shoulders.
“Oh god, Benton. I… I don’t know,” he starts with a strained voice, but stops himself and clears his throat. “I’m not sure what’s going on. She wasn’t coherent the entire way over here in the ambulance. I haven’t seen her beautiful eyes since I left for golf this morning. I just need to see her. I have to know she’s okay... I don’t know what happened, son.”
“She’s a fighter, dad. She’ll be okay.”
“I pray so,” he sighs.
Sitting in the hospital takes me back to a year ago. When they called me down to the morgue to verify that it was, indeed, Carly in the car when it crashed. It was a different hospital, and it wasn’t the ER waiting room, but still… the smell starts getting to me after a while.
“Hey,” I say, standing. “Let’s go get some fresh air,” I offer, reaching my hand out to help him up.
After a moment of thought, he stands and glances towards the doors that he’s seen doctors coming out of all afternoon, just to be let down that he hasn’t been called for Mom yet.
“I’ll let them know we’ll be outside,” I offer, helping him towards the door, stopping by the desk on the way. He seems ten times frailer since the last time I saw him, or maybe it’s being here in this situation that has me thinking about life and death. My parents definitely aren’t getting any younger. Luckily, though, up until now, we’ve had no health scares in the family. No chronic illness, no cancer, no deaths. It’s been pretty smooth sailing, so, for this to happen so suddenly, probably has my dad on high alert that life isn’t as long as it once was for him.
By the time we make it outside, it’s almost dark and I make sure to pull out my phone and check on Hannah. Shooting a quick text to Gabby once I finally have reception, I slide my phone back in my pocket and take a seat next to my dad.
“You know, we used to talk about traveling when we were older,” he says, staring at his fingers. “She wanted to go to France. I promised her the Eiffel Tower at night.” He sighs and rakes his hands through his hair.
“Stop talking in past tense, Dad. She’s gonna be fine.” I huff, not wanting to start dwelling on the negative. “She’s in a great hospital, she’s getting great care, I’m sure she’s fine. They probably are just running slow, like any other hospital in this area.”
“You didn’t see her, Benton. Her skin was graying… her fingers were chilled. You didn’t see it, Benton,” he whispers pained.
“Dad, she still had a heartbeat when you guys got here, didn’t she?” I ask frantically. What is he not telling me?
“I-”
“Mr. James?” A nurse calls from the doors of the waiting room that lead out into the courtyard. “Mr. Eric James?” She looks around, and, when my dad stands, her eyes find him and she smiles sadly.
Sadly. Fuck.
“Hey, Dad, you want me to come with you?” I ask, putting my hand on his shoulder.
He looks at me with the saddest eyes I’ve ever seen on him and just nods. That’s it. He doesn’t smile; he doesn’t speak. It’s like he knows something I don’t. The nurse leads us into an office just down the hallway and tells us the doctor will be in any minute.
“They normally call you to take you to the patient,” he mumbles, staring at the dark wood desk in front of us. This must be a secondary office, because it’s not riddled with papers or phones or computers. Just a few pens, a few files of some sort, and dust.
“I’m sure it’s because they’re busy and want to update us on everything, so we don’t worry,” I say, trying to convince myself the words I’m saying are true. Honestly, I can’t think anything but negative things at this point in the game, but I’m trying to stay positive for my dad.
He grunts his response, and nods, as we wait silently for some type of news.
It has to be happy news. She can’t be gone. The last thing I told her was a lie… that I wasn’t seeing anyone… the last conversation I have with my mom will not be based on a lie. She’s got to be happy and healthy, and just resting somewhere while the doctors make their rounds. I can’t live without my mom. My dad can’t live without my mom. I still remember when we had to go without her for a week when I was a teenager. It was terrible. I lived off mac and cheese and pop tarts for six days straight because my dad can’t cook like her. He missed her so badly that all he did was waste away in front of the TV. I went to school and came home, and I swear he didn’t move from his spot on the couch. She was gone, trying to help nurse her father back to health, but, with them living five hours away, it was no use for her to come back home. When she finally did, my dad made sure to be the best he could be around her so she never left again. They love each other harder than I’ve ever seen a couple love. I can only wish one day I’ll find that love again. I had it with Carly, and, though we had our rough times (like every couple does), I swore we’d be the happy couple ‘till death. I just didn’t know death would strike so soon. Now, I’m a thirty year old single father to a baby I adopted the day my wife passed.