My grandmother’s necklace and earrings completed the look. Emeralds in a soft and subtle setting that weren’t too fancy. They were just perfect, accentuating the green color of my eyes.

Something was off about my appearance, and it went beyond the fact that I didn’t normally dress this way. I cocked my head and turned this way and that, trying to figure out what I was missing.

Gripping the hem of the skirt, I tucked it under and dug around my dresser, looking for pins to hold it. Pins in place, I nodded at my reflection and the dress that now sat a good inch or two above my knee. That looked more fitting for what I was heading into.

With a shaky breath, I smoothed my hands over the material at my hips and tried not to think about what I had to do. It wasn’t prudent to dwell on the circumstances surrounding the interview I was heading to. Well, not an interview as such. More like an audition, I supposed.

I grabbed my purse off my dresser, and walked out into the living room in search of my red high-heeled shoes that had been sitting on my bed. I knew I didn’t need to look far when a tiny blur of blonde curls raced from the kitchen to the living room, little girl giggles accompanying her, along with the slap of my heels on her too-small feet. Throwing herself at me, her tiny arms wrapped around the bare skin on my leg.

“Mama! You look so pwetty!” my daughter, Sadie, cried out in delight.

I ran my hand over her mane and said softly, “Thanks, baby, but you know you’re the most beautiful girl in the world.”

“No… I’m a pwincess. Member?”

“It’s remember,” I gently corrected her. She screwed up her face in annoyance but nodded her head. I bit the inside of my cheek to contain my laughter at how much she hated it when I corrected her. She was so much like her father in that regard.

Sadie was four going on twenty-four most days. Her long blonde curls and blue eyes that mirrored her father’s made me ache with loss on a daily basis. She was a force to be reckoned with and the apple of my eye. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for her, which was why I was about to go where I never in my life imagined I would be going.

“Let your mother go, child,” my neighbor, and mostly friend, Ruth, told Sadie as she pulled her back, forcing her hands to release their grip on my leg.

“Don’t go, mama.” Sadie’s lip trembled and tears filled her eyes. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll be back before you know it,” I reassured her. “You’re going to play with Ruth and Mikey.”

Mikey was Ruth’s five year old grandson that lived downstairs with her. Sadie adored him. Followed him around like he hung the moon. He would be home soon from the after school program at church, and I was hoping it was enough to prevent her from throwing a tantrum. She was so used to me being home when her father was around, that now, whenever it was time for me to go to work, she had a hissy fit.

“Can we have ice cream?” she asked with an angelic smile on her face. My girl was far from stupid. She knew exactly what she could get away with.

“Only if you eat your dinner.” I bent down and kissed her now pouted lips. “And don’t give Ruth a hard time either.”

“We’ll be fine,” Ruth said with a knowing look. It wasn’t easy for a mother to leave her child. Especially to go do what I was about to.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can.” I took my shoes from Sadie’s feet and slipped them on my own.

“You know you don’t have to do this,” Ruth said hastily as I reached for the doorknob on the front door. “I’ll talk to Tyrone. See if he’ll give you your job back.”

I gave her a sad grin and shook my head. The restaurant manager had made his position on my job status perfectly clear when he fired me. “You know he won’t. He warned me I was taking too much time off. Sadie getting strep throat was the straw that broke the camel’s back. It’s okay. I’ll make it work somehow. Please don’t worry about me.”

“How can I not when you’re about to go dance for strange men and let them paw all over you?” Her voice rose, and her head shook back and forth passionately. Ruth was a God fearing woman. Something I might have been had my life not turned out the way it did.

“It’s my choice, Ruth. Please just support me on this. I have no one else.” I inhaled a deep breath in an effort to keep my impending tears at bay. Being alone was the worst thing imaginable some days.

She studied me intently for several seconds before murmuring an agreement. I gave her a smile that I knew didn’t quite reach my eyes and headed out into the afternoon sun.

There were several men in the parking lot sitting on the back of a pickup, drinking beers and hanging out. Their whistles and dirty suggestions filtered on the breeze, making me cringe. My feet picked up their speed, my heels clicking away on the pavement in an effort to put distance between us.

I felt like a street walker, dressed the way I was, so early in the day. Later on, I would find that quite ironic. Right then, I just wanted to get into the safety of my car and away from the prying eyes of my filthy neighbors.

Sitting inside my beat up Toyota Corolla, I rested my head on the steering wheel. With my eyes pinched shut, I gave myself a silent pep talk before reversing out of my spot and heading across town.

I could do this. I could. Totally.

*****

Talk about seedy.

My first thought when I pulled into the large parking lot on the side of the grey stucco building was not a good one and had me full of sorts of apprehension.

There were half a dozen cars there even though it was only four o’clock in the afternoon. Was that normal? I fought against my gorge rising. It was healthy to be this anxious before applying for a new job, right?

So what if this was the last place I wanted to be. It was a necessary evil. Eventually I would get past the foulness that was Pussy Willows, the town’s premier strip club. Or at least that was what they advertised themselves to be.

My heart rate picked up as I climbed out of the car and surveyed what could potentially be my next employer. A large white sign hung in front of the black metal door announcing there were strippers inside. The lights illuminated the silhouette of a woman and each letter underneath her flickered under the shade of a nearby tree. Litter dotted the cracked pavement, making me wonder how they stayed in business with such a lack of care for the establishment. Then again, men usually had a one-track mind. They probably didn’t even notice how rundown the place was, given the fact that it held the promise of naked women once inside.

Standing in front of the building, eying my future with unease, I hesitated for a long moment. My feet may as well have been encased in lead shoes for how heavy they felt at the prospect of walking into the dingy building.

I didn’t think I was strong enough to go through with this preposterous idea. But the gnawing ache of hunger in my stomach told me I had no choice. I had to put aside my comfort and pride. Sadie and I needed to live. Now that I was her sole parent, I had no other choice. It wasn’t about me. It was about my little girl.

As I pulled open the large door, music with heavy bass filtered down the small hallway that opened up into a large room. Walking the few feet on shaky legs, I took in the room as I entered it.

A large rectangular bar was to my right. One single female manned it while a large soffit hung from the ceiling displaying images of women in various positions of intimacy around it. The bartender was petite with blonde hair teased out to there, and wore a top that barely contained her breasts. She laughed at a patron who sat on a stool in front of her.

To the left was a T-shaped catwalk with poles positioned down the part that jutted out from the wall. A topless woman twirled upside down on one of the poles, while another topless woman was on her hands and knees in front of a group of older gentleman standing next to the stage. They ran their hands over her, groping her breasts. Money was strewn around her and while the men were clearly enjoying themselves, her face was blank. Completely void of any emotion.