On that note, I turn and walk away from the table. I keep my head down as the tears start to fall when I realize Marco isn’t going to chase after me, a shout from Uncle Drew making this night even more sad and pathetic.

“Shit! I can’t believe someone erased my toe-fucking link. Dammit, Tom Brady!”

Chapter 23

– Smell the Meat –

Marco

Like the fucking coward I am, I left the rehearsal dinner last night with my tail tucked between my legs as soon as Molly walked away from me with tears in her eyes. Well, as soon as Drew made me watch twenty minutes of foot fetish porn and Tyler told me he knew a guy who knew a guy who could get me Viagra, but it would involve me stripping at something called BronyCon that I was afraid to ask about.

I knew this would happen and I knew it would fuck up everything, but like an idiot, I just kept putting it off until it all blew up in my face. And blow up it did when a blast from my man-whore past showed up and ruined my life.

Fucking Megan Levine…that chocolate sauce chapter wasn’t even about her, but the one with the recipe for a strawberry sauce to add to your bath water for a fresh smelling vagina was. That chick had a nice rack, but her pussy smelled like ham, and not delicious, Easter Sunday ham either. Like ten-day-old rancid lunchmeat ham.

Stupid Megan Levine and her stupid ham vagina.

“Did you call my guy’s guy about the dick drugs?”

Tyler comes up next to me and hands me a beer while I stare across the room at Molly. I tried to talk to her earlier at the wedding ceremony, but she pretended like I didn’t exist and refused to even look at me. I’m not leaving this reception until she lets me apologize and explain.

“I don’t need dick drugs, Tyler, we were talking about a soufflé,” I clarify, watching Molly duck down under the head table again for probably the tenth time in the last few minutes.

What the hell is she doing?

“Is that like, French or something? I kind of like it. It sounds more dignified to say I fucked a soufflé,” he muses. “Is that gonna be in the next book? Can I get an advanced copy?”

I chug my beer for some liquid courage and prepare to head over to Molly, dragging her out of here if I need to.

“The next book is called Baking and Babies and has nothing to do with the fucking of desserts,” I tell him with a sigh.

“Baking babies? Dude, that’s hard-core. I mean, I know kids are annoying and shit, but cooking them? Can you even do that?” he asks.

I watch Molly pop back up from under the table and stand, wobbling a little as she clutches onto the back of her chair. She’s so fucking beautiful it makes me want to cry. I’ve heard women complain about being forced to wear ugly bridesmaid dresses, but there is nothing ugly about the short purple, satin strapless dress clinging to Molly’s body. Her hair is up in some fancy do with a few pieces hanging down around her face and my hands have been itching all day to pull out the pins holding it in place so I could watch the silky dark locks spill around her naked shoulders.

“I guess you can slather BBQ sauce on just about anything and it will taste good, but I just don’t know if I could stomach eating an actual baby, no matter what you baste it in.”

While Tyler continues to talk to himself, I shove my empty bottle at him start walking towards the head table.

“What about Ranch?” Tyler shouts after me. “I might eat a baby if you put Ranch on it.”

A few people try to stop and talk to me, but I ignore them and keep my eye on the prize. When I’m a few feet away from the head table, the DJ comes up behind Gavin and Charlotte and speaks into his microphone.

“If everyone could have a seat, we’re going to get started with the toasts before dinner is served,” he announces to the room.

The reception hall is filled with the sounds of chairs scraping across the floor as everyone sits down. With a quick glance around me, I realize I’m the only one still standing so I quickly grab an empty seat at the nearest table as the DJ hands the microphone to Molly.

She grabs it and moves to stand behind Gavin and Charlotte, swaying a little when she stops and I immediately realize what she was doing each time she disappeared out of sight under the table.

“This is going to be amazing. She’s so wasted,” Ava whispers with a laugh as she pulls up a chair next to me and flops down.

“Shouldn’t you be up there with the rest of the bridal party? And why the hell did you let her drink so much?” I ask in a quiet, angry voice.

Molly blows loudly into the microphone, the speakers screeching with feedback as everyone in the room winces from the ear piercing noise.

“I didn’t realize until five minutes ago that she’s been inhaling a bottle of vodka under the table since she got here,” Ava tells me while Molly giggles into the microphone and apologizes to everyone. “I went to get her some black coffee from the kitchen, but they haven’t brewed any yet.”

“I’d like to thank everyone for coming out tonight to celebrate the joyous union of my perfect sister and her perfect Gavin,” Molly starts, holding her champagne glass in the air.

“I hope someone is filming this,” Ava laughs.

“Aren’t they just sooooooooo perfect?” Molly asks sarcastically.

“We need to do something. This is not good,” I mutter.

“Are you kidding me? This is amazing. Charlotte has been a raging bitch to us all day, reminding us to keep our mouth’s shut every five minutes so we wouldn’t ruin her perfect day,” Ava explains while Molly starts to pace behind a nervous-looking Charlotte and a confused-looking Gavin. “I love Charlotte, but I fully support whatever Molly is about to do. Charlotte has been so concerned with having the perfect wedding that she doesn’t even realize none of this shit matters in the long run.”

I definitely agree with Ava, but I really don’t want Molly doing something she’s going to regret. Giving a drunk speech in front of two-hundred friends and family when half of them think she’s pregnant might be a bad idea.

“Also, you’re lucky I’m wearing a dress and not kicking your ass right now,” Ava tells me with a glare while Molly instructs everyone to hold up their glasses for her toast. “I don’t know what you did to my sister last night, but it must have been pretty bad for her to cry. I’ve never seen that bitch cry. She collects jars of other people’s tears under her bed, she never sheds them herself. What did you do?”

I open my mouth to tell her it’s a long story and I plan on doing whatever I can to fix it when the sound of loud, heavy breathing echoes through the room.

“Hold on a second. I need to take these fucking heels off, my feet are killing me,” Molly says, the words sounding even more garbled since she has her mouth pressed right up against the microphone while she leans against the wall and quickly removes her shoes.

She chucks them right over Charlotte and Gavin’s head and they land in the middle of the front table where her parents and aunt and uncles are seated.

“WOOOHOOOOO TAKE IT OFF!” Drew shouts, grabbing one of her shoes and waving it around above his head.

Claire punches him in the arm and I hear her yell at him about Molly being his niece, Drew quickly lowering his arm and his lips form the words, “Oh, yeah. I forgot.”

Molly starts walking behind the bridal party, stopping when she gets to a small table at the end that holds trays of appetizers.

“So, I guess you guys all heard that I’m knocked up,” she speaks into the microphone, setting her glass down on the table.

“Did she say she’s getting locked up? I didn’t know Molly was going to prison,” someone whispers loudly.