As if I’d conjured him, Lewis showed up and dropped into the chair across from mine. “Tana has a history class with Professor Bore-me-to-death right about now.” He pulled his arm up in an exaggerated way to examine his watch.

“That’s her business.”

“She has a date tonight. Thought you’d want to know.”

“That’s her business, too.”

“The guy she has a date with is Chip Holland. You’ve heard of him. Slip-a-roofie Chip.”

I slammed the book shut. Fuck this shit. Tana might not love me but I’d be damned if I’d sit around and let this happen. I’d warn her and then I’d beat Chip’s ass. I stormed from the library and went into the back of the auditorium where her history class was. Tana was sitting on one of the upper levels. I took a seat directly behind her. She glanced over her shoulder and her mouth dropped open.

She snapped it closed and glared at me. “Following me around?”

“Chip Holland roofies girls. Thought you’d want to know.”

“Thanks, but someone else told me that and I cancelled the date with him. I’m going out with Charlie Greenhall. Any objections to him?”

“None. But I have a different warning for you about him.” I folded my arms across the back of her chair and leaned close enough to put my lips against her ear. “If he kisses you or touches you while you’re on your date, you won’t want to, but it’ll be my face you’ll see. You’ll compare the two of us and he’ll fall short.” I ran my hand along the side of her neck. “And if he makes love to you, he’ll never satisfy you because you’ll remember how I felt sliding in and out of you. You’ll think about my lips on your—”

“That’s not true!” Tana burst out angrily, then flushed with embarrassment when the professor paused in the middle of his speech.

He looked our direction over the top of his glasses and gestured to the doors at the back of the room. “Take the conversation outside, please.”

Tana grabbed her books and left the classroom, barely making it into the hallway before she said, “Damn you, Ryan. How could you do that to me?”

My heart beat hard, like I’d run a race. I had the feeling she was talking about more than what had just gone on, but I didn’t know if either of us could talk about that without all the hurt cropping up, tearing us apart all over again. “I came to warn you about Chip because I care. You said you mistook love for sex. Look me in the eye and tell me that. Tell me you never loved me.”

She lowered her head. “Why are you doing this?” Then she lifted her head and glared at me. “You know what, it doesn’t matter why you’re doing it. There’s nothing that you can say that will make me understand why you acted the way that you did. You broke my heart.”

I knew I had to take a chance even if it tore me apart. Had to open myself up. Lay it all on the line. “I did what I had to do because I love you.”

She jerked her head up to stare at me. “What?”

A couple of girls tried to pass us in the hallway and gave us curious glances. I gripped Tana’s elbow and guided us both out of the way. “Can we go somewhere private and talk?”

It felt like I waited an eternity before she nodded. Everything became a tightrope act as we walked down the hall toward the exit. For the first time in years, I couldn’t read Tana, couldn’t tell where her head was. I was afraid that if I said the wrong words or did the wrong thing, I’d lose her all over again.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

TANA

We went out into the parking lot and sat in the Charger and the familiar feel and scent of the car was almost my undoing. I had so many memories of riding in the car with him. Ryan started the car and cold air from the vents filled the interior. The January weather had dipped the temperatures. I huddled into my jacket while waiting for the car to warm up.

What Ryan had said didn’t make sense. How could he say that he loved me and yet have acted the way that he had?

As soon as the car was semi-warm, he started talking. “I lied to you and I kept lying to you because I didn’t believe that I had any other choice.”

“You were such a dick, not just once, Ryan, but repeatedly. Like an idiot, I kept on putting up with it. I felt so pathetic.”

“I know.” He reached for my hand, thought better of it and didn’t touch me. “Chanos gave me an ultimatum. I had to rejoin the gang or he would go after everyone that I cared about. Once I made the decision to do that to protect the people I love, I needed to push everyone away, especially you.”

He looked past me for a second as a car pulled into the lot. Then he refocused those gorgeous eyes on me again.” Abraham pointed out that by rejoining the gang, everyone I loved would be a target for a rival gang.” He laughed but it was a bitter laugh. “I was damned if I did and damned if I didn’t.”

“But why didn’t you just tell me that?”

“You would have insisted that we could find a way to be around each other. I’ve always thought of myself as strong, but you’re my greatest weakness. If anyone wants to hurt me, all they have to do is hurt you. I had to make you hate me so that you’d stay away.”

“It worked, didn’t it?”

“Yeah, it did. I made you hate me and it nearly destroyed both of us.”

I picked up my books and hugged them to my chest, afraid to trust what he was saying. “I don’t know what to think. What if something with your past or with Chanos crops up again?”

“He’s dead.”

Since I’d been on the information blackout, I hadn’t heard that. “What happened?”

“Clarke happened. I don’t want to talk about it.”

I tightened my fingers on the books. “That’s part of the problem, Ryan. You don’t talk about things that matter. You say that you love me, but you don’t let me in. And if you want to be with me, that’s the price you’ll have to pay. I don’t want any more secrets. You have to let me in. All the way.”

“Honey, there are things in my life that are too ugly for me to share with you.”

“All the way, Ryan.”

“I’ve never told anyone some of the stuff I carry around.”

“It’s time that you stopped carrying it alone. I want to know your hurts. I want you to tell me everything. Balls to the wall.”

He grinned and raised his eyebrows. “Balls to the wall?”

“Is it a deal?”

“I’ve got some real ugly demons, Tana.”

“Who the hell doesn’t? We can get together later this afternoon and talk if you decide you can do that.”

“I’m on my way back over to the garage. I have to be there for a while to take care of some stuff.”

“Then tonight. If you show, then we’ll go from that point. If you don’t, then I’ll have my answer. Okay?”

His eyes were solemn He was so handsome, so incredibly hot that I had to mentally smack myself to keep from jumping him. “I’ll be there.” Then he gave me that sexy smile of his and I had to smack harder.

The thought of letting myself be vulnerable with him again did scare me a little and I had to make him see how important it was that we talk honestly. “I’m warning you that this is it for us.”

“I said I’d be there, didn’t I?”

Feeling more hope than I’d felt in a long time, like I was coming out from under a dark cloud, I smiled at him. “Walk me to my next class?”

*

RYAN

Ryker pulled into the parking lot in a 1970 Mercury Cougar that all but purred. I walked out of the garage as he climbed from the car and rubbed his hand along the side of it. The car was blue with black hood stripes across the pronounced center. It was in mint condition. I whistled. “What’d you do to get this?”

“It’s part of a payment package.”

My smile faded. “You’re not bringing shit with you.”

“No. This is on the level. Just have to do a little babysitting.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”