She covered my hand with hers and refused to move. “No, Tana. You cannot force someone to make good choices. They have to realize it and want it on their own. Ryan has to find the strength to save himself.”

“I have to—”

“Let him go. That’s what you have to do and it’s the only thing you can do. When I first met Ryan, he was a mess of hurt and anger. I’ve seen him change and grow. Underneath all that swagger and mouth of his, I believe there’s a good man. But he’s got to choose to be that man. You understand?”

“I love him. I can’t let him...”

“He didn’t choose you, Tana.”

I gasped at the pain her words caused. Her eyes filled with sympathy and she hugged me. “I’m sorry, honey. I know that’s difficult to hear. But you go on about your life and maybe things will work out. The worst thing in the world you can do is stick around waiting for him to make a U-turn he might never make.”

“Hey!” Shelby walked into the kitchen carrying a cake and slid it onto the counter. “I’m coming with you and Leena tomorrow. I’m so excited to be your roommate! Think of all the parties and the boys.”

I darted my eyes at Mama Leena. Shelby’s smile faded. “Study parties and the boys will be study partners.”

Mama Leena rolled her eyes. “Don’t act like I was born last night. I’ll pick you tomorrow at 8 sharp.” She gave a long look at Shelby and then left.

“Sorry about that.” Shelby was practically bouncing. “Remember Isaiah? That cute senior who asked you out a few times?”

“Uh huh,” I said absently while tearing the plastic from a stack of paper plates.

“He’s going to be one of our neighbors. Co-ed dorms. That boy is built like a fantasy. Did we luck up or what?”

“I thought Patriot Hall was girls only.”

“They changed it this year, lucky us.” She snagged my hand and did a shimmy dance around the room. “It’s time to have fun and let loose.”

“Sure.”

She dropped my hand. “I know about Ryan and it sucks, but you have to start living again.”

“I’m trying, but I love him.” I poured us both some Coke and then added ice. “I keep going over it in my head and it doesn’t make sense. Why wouldn’t he have told me what he knew? He hid it for some reason. Ryan’s always been steady. As good as his word. He doesn’t talk to me the way that he did.”

“Maybe he was steady and all that because you hadn’t slept with him and then after sex, everything changed and he didn’t have to try so hard to be nice.”

Ouch. That hurt. “I don’t believe that. I wish I could talk to him, but Mama Leena doesn’t know where he’s at.”

Shelby glanced away with a guilty tinge covering her cheeks.

“Do you know?”

“Brooklyn said he’s been sleeping in the office at the garage.”

I knew what I needed to do. “Thanks. Maybe I’ll go see him. At least tell him that I’m leaving.”

“Don’t get mad at me for saying this, but are you sure he’ll even care?”

I lowered my head, letting my hair swing forward to cover the sides of my face. I wasn’t sure if he cared or not. But it wasn’t about him. I needed closure. I needed more than the ugly things he’d said to me. I needed to know the truth and I needed to walk away from him on my terms if this was really the end of our friendship and anything else that might have been.

*

RYAN

The afternoon was hot and muggy. I’d shown up for the jump in before I was supposed to. I wanted to get it over with. Sign my soul back over. Not that it mattered to me anymore. What the hell else did I have to lose that I hadn’t already lost?

There were six of us behind a shuttered fast food joint. Chanos, me, and four of the other gang members. All of them decked out in our colors. I knew the drill. The four would hit me over and over again until Chanos said it was enough. If I survived, I was in.

A couple of the guys were wary, expecting me to hit back, but I wouldn’t. This beating meant something different to me than it did to them. I saw it as punishment that didn’t even scratch the surface for paying penance for my crime of allowing my past to taint Tana’s life. I wholly deserved this and more for what had happened to Tana’s mom, for making Tana cry. For breaking her heart.

I’d cut everyone out of my life and had walked around in a numb daze. Not even running the roads until I was too tired to drive another mile had helped. The beating would be a relief. At least then I would feel something and know I was still alive. As soon as I healed from it, I planned to quit the garage so I wouldn’t put Abraham in any danger. Then my life would be like it had been before. Me trying to survive.

“You ready?” Chanos asked with a wide grin. His eyes were bright, eager. He enjoyed the violence.

I nodded and locked my arms by my sides. I deserved every one of the blows. I deserved this life. I had nothing to offer anyone except pain and heartbreak. There was no good within me. Each punch radiated through me as the coppery sent of blood filled my nose. Ragged pain stabbed me in the side, forcing me to exhale sharply. The blows struck me repeatedly until there wasn’t a spot on my body that didn’t ache. I don’t know how long it lasted. It was only when I fell to the ground, slamming my face onto the pavement, the grit digging into my cheekbone, that I realized it was over. I caught one last glimpse of the sun before I couldn’t see anything else. I closed my eyes.

I woke up hours later chilled and alone. I don’t know how many hours had passed until I regained consciousness. I was lying on the floor of Abraham’s office and all the lights were off. Blinking, I tried to see, tried to focus, but it wasn’t easy. One of my eyes was swollen shut and the other felt like someone had taken a hammer to the eye socket.

Reaching up to touch it, pain shot through my side when I moved my arm. It hurt to take a deep breath so I stopped. I vaguely heard someone pounding on the bay doors and calling my name, but when I tried to stand up, I fell and banged the side of my face on the desk. I passed out again.

I woke to more pain jostling me about. Someone had me by the hands and someone else had me by the feet and they carried me from the garage. Juvante. Roman. Ryker. Cooper. They all stared down at me, faces masks of anger. They put me into the back of a car with Clarke and I tried to protest. I’d told them all to stay away from me. From this. “Go home.” I forced the words through my busted lips.

“Shut up before I black your other eye,” Juvante said. He drove old-lady-careful through the streets. “We’re your brothers. You can’t get rid of us.” He raised his eyes to the rearview mirror. “All of us are your family and where the fuck do you get off acting like you’re some goddamn superhero?”

He stopped the car outside of a motel. “Roman, get your ass out and check in. Clarke, rub two brain cells together to get some friction going and tell Ryan what you heard.”

“Chanos is already lining up for the chop shop.”

“That’s not all.” Ryker punched the car door. “Chanos is going to have you packing and jacking as soon as you heal.”

“He’ll use you as muscle.” Cooper added.

This wasn’t news to me. “I know.” I’d known that Chanos would want me to go back to jacking cars. What he didn’t know is that when push came to shove, I had no intention of doing it. I didn’t mind being his muscle and threatening lowlife shits who needed a lesson, but I wasn’t going to steal from or hurt innocent people.

Roman returned with a key and they all helped me into a room. I sank into the bed, thankful to be off the hard garage floor. Juvante took a seat at the small table and leaned forward. “I should have tried to stop you. Now look at you. Going off all Rambo and getting your ass kicked like a schoolgirl.”

I laughed and groaned. “Shit that hurts. Don’t make me laugh.” I licked my lower lip. “Worst part is over.”