I'm broken. Fucking destroyed.

I know Dex's dealer. I'm taking the money your mother gave me and going to see him.

I'm a chicken, Cooper. I’m too scared to do this any other way. I don't want to feel pain when it happens. Just sleep. They'll all think it was an accident. Only you'll know the truth. You're the only one I can trust. The only one that really loves me. I hope someday you'll believe I love you, too.

For now, just know I'm happy meeting my maker knowing I'm your first love, your only love. At least there is one thing in my life I did right.

I hope we'll meet again someday.

I'll love you always.

Luna

 

I can't swallow. I can't breathe. I need to find her, stop her. Fuck my pride. She needs me. Guilt floods my mind and seeps into my heart. I turned her away. I fucking turned her away and now she's going to kill herself. I leap up and throw some clothes on.

This is my fault. I call her again, and again I get her voicemail. I beg Luna to call me. Without saying a word to my mother or sister, I sneak out and run all the way to her house. I stop fifty feet away staring at the two cop cars in her driveway.

My heart slams hard against my chest and the world is growing black around me. I drop to my knees, gasping for air. Either she succeeded and they're here to inform the family, or she's in serious condition in the hospital.

Either way I failed her. Me. I shut her out when she needed me most. I couldn't even bother reading the letter when I first saw it. Then maybe I would've had a chance to save her life. I don't bother going any further. No one is going to give me any information. I need to wait it out. But in my heart, I feel the void. In my heart, I know Luna is gone.

Chapter 25

"Son," My father clears his throat, "Why didn't you call me? I would've been there to help you through this. You needed support and guidance. This isn't something a teenage boy is equipped to deal with."

"How? What do you think you could've done? It's on me. No matter how you twist or turn it, it's my fault."

"No. It's not." He squeezes my shoulder. "You were just a boy. She shouldn't have put that on you. Please tell me your mother changed her tune when you showed her the letter."

I shake my head. "No one ever saw it. No one, except Luna's mother and the police. I handed it over to them so they could make Les pay for what he did, but he took off. Her mother thanked me, and then she was gone, too. Moved out of the state last I heard.

Everyone else, they all blamed me. I heard it all through school. They decided I got her pregnant and dumped her. No one ever suspected she killed herself. They assumed she was looking for an escape to deal with the pain I put her in. I never bothered to clear the record. I didn't want to mar her memory. Only Noah stood by me. He's the only one that took my side."

"Oh, Cooper."

"I don't need you're fucking pity."

He shakes his head. It's not pity. But you can't blame yourself. And if she was here, she'd want you to be happy."

"No she wouldn't. She wouldn't want me to love anyone but her."

"Son, she understood pain, and if she loved you as much as she said, she'd never want to see you in this kind of pain. She'd want you to be happy with Selene."

He doesn't know what he's talking about. "I just need to know I'm not responsible for the death of another girl I love."

"You love her then?"

I know for sure, without a doubt. I've known all along and wonder why I ever doubted it. "Yes. I love Selene."

*

It takes forever from the time we touch down until they open the door and I can escape.

"I'm driving," Noah insists.

"I want to get there today."

"Very funny." He slaps the back of my head.

"Seriously, Noah, I need to get to her. Now."

I toss Lexi my car keys. She, my father and Stephan will wait for the luggage and meet us at the hospital. I don't know how long it takes for us to get there. I think I've aged years on the drive over. Once the car is parked, I rush from the parking garage to the information desk, with Noah close behind.

Selene is up in the maternity ward. Her condition is stable. That's all I know. The old woman manning the desk won't give me any details. She won't tell me anything about the baby, I'm left in the dark. And worst of all, she won't let me up.

"Visiting hours start in an hour and a half."

"But I'm the father." That has to pull some weight.

"I'm sorry, sir. Fathers are given wrist bands so they can come and go as they please and we can easily identify them.

"I was out of town, and she delivered early." I'm leaning in over the desk, and the old bat looks nervous. She should be, I'm about to jump over the desk, push her out of the way and look Selene up myself.

"Maybe if you call the nurse's station on the maternity ward?" Noah says slipping his arm around my shoulder and pulling me back. "We rushed here from a wedding ceremony in California, and he's been worried sick. You can see, we're still dressed in our tuxedos."

"Oh." The woman says as if a lightbulb just lit her whole fucking brain. "Well congratulations. Marriage is a big step."

Congratulations. Shit. The uncomfortable look on her face, tells me she thinks Noah and I got married. I give my friend who still has his arm slung over my shoulder a sideward glance. Well played.

"I didn't realize. Okay, let me call ahead and inform them that you're coming. Unfortunately I'll only be able to let one of you up," she says focusing on Noah. "Oh, and Sir," she turns back to me. "If you're lying you won't be allowed back."

"Understood."

Chapter 26

I don't know if the old crab called up and they're expecting me, or if they're a lot less lax about the rules up here because Old Battle Axe keeps the people out, but no one stops me except to wish me good morning or say hello. I pass the nursery on my way to her room. I want to stop and look in, but I can't. Right now my focus is on Selene. I don't know what kind of shape she's in. I need to deal with her first, then I can get the details about my child.

My child.

Warmth spreads through my chest. It's the first time I thought of it as a child, instead of something alien and vile. My baby. How could I ever have thought of it as anything but?

The door to Selene's room is open. My heart stops as I stand just outside and take it all in. She looks peaceful lying with her eyes closed in the bed. It's the leads and wires running from her to various machines and monitors that steal my breath. When I heard she was stable, I thought that meant she was fine and didn't need these things. I didn't expect the IV, the blood pressure cuff monitoring her regularly, or the nasal cannula. My eyes start to water. I squeeze them tight, trying to fight my emotions and keep them under control.

"She had a rough night." I turn to the voice beside me.

"Is she . . ." I try to swallow down my fear. "Is she okay?"

"Go on in," the nurse says walking away without answering my question.

I pull a chair right up to the side of the bed and reach for the hand resting beside her. It's warm. Warm is good. I breathe a little easier. I trail my fingers over hers, careful to avoid the needle sticking out of the area just above it.