had he said it, that it’s not that important, that love is wonderful between them no matter what form it

takes.

“After your first time, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I couldn’t concentrate on anything. It

was all you and what you had given me. Until the gaffer called, I was hoping you had liked it enough

to let me do it again. After that call, being able to touch you at all took up all of my ambitions.”

Daniël kisses Steve with a tenderness bordering on aggression. “You could say certain thoughts are

firmly back in my head now.”

“I like them being there, in your head. I want to be strong enough to be able to stay on my

knees for longer than three minutes without pain. I want to be strong enough to fuck you with you

facing me and your legs wrapped around me, or you doing me from behind. I want to have you on top

of me, full weight and all, and not panic.”

“And most of it isn’t even about sex.”

“No, I guess it isn’t.” Steve sighs when Daniël wraps him in his arms.

Then they talk further, because even if kisses are the best language, they still want to talk about

everything ahead of them. Having a future, being able to express what they would like and want is still

so shiny and new, and how could they not want to put that into words? Even the hard and scary things

are not to be avoided, because it means they are giving themselves at least a chance to do the things

that frighten them, instead of avoiding the risk.

“I can’t help but want to keep you hidden from the world,” Daniël says, “And I’m afraid it

won’t be the last time I’m telling you this. The world is no longer a safe place and I don’t know how

to make it right again.

“I can’t help but want to hide,” Steve says, “but I’m not going to. Just like I know you have to

be out a lot from tomorrow on. I want to try and be with you as often as I can, but I’m afraid my days

won’t be half as efficient and I’m definitely not as full of energy as you are.”

“We’ll work around it. I took the liberty of talking it over with the manager and he says it’s

fine that when I do the training, you use the physio and the exercise room. And that includes any help

if you need it. That is, if being at the Graces doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable.” Daniël looks

slightly nervous; like he isn’t sure he should have done what he has done.

“That’s very thoughtful of you and the club. This way I can be close by to you while working

my own programme.” Steve nestles even more tightly into Daniël’s arms. “I don’t know how I’m

going to feel when I’m there.”

Daniël nuzzles Steve’s hair. “And I don’t know how I’m going to feel with you being there and

not being there. Beside myself with happiness because all the while I’m training, I can be with you in

two minutes; frustrated because you’re not training with us.”

“I might have been sold off anyway; I already did get less playing minutes the last couple of

matches than during the season before ...” It’s a stupid thing to say because it doesn’t matter what

would have happened, and Daniël is right for closing Steve’s mouth with his own.

“Time for food. Doctor’s orders, remember? Eat a little something every few hours. And I

promised a few people I’d give them a quick call to tell them that everything is fine.” Daniël stretches

his tall, very relaxed body and yawns like an overgrown kitten.

“Simply watching you makes me the happiest man in the world.” Steve knows there was a time

he would have thought it but the words wouldn’t have left his mouth. Not so any more.

Daniël turns on his side again, his head resting on his arm. “Sometimes I look at you and I

have to quickly look away because it feels like my heart could burst and my body ...” He shrugs and

sits upright. “Not even sure what I’m talking about.”

“I think you do,” Steve says quietly.

“I can’t stop touching you. I want to make love to you practically all of the time. I couldn’t

care less if there’s a match on TV or a nice movie. I don’t want to update my online journal. I don’t

even want to phone mum and dad, or have a good giggle with Naomi. Just feeling you, just that, like

we are nothing but skin and mouth and hands and cock and arse. Just that.” Daniël moves his hands as

if trying to get a hold on his own confusion. “Last year I wouldn’t have told you this. I didn’t need to.

Now it’s words and more words …”

“Thank you. It can’t be like before, perhaps never, but thank you for telling me with words

what you would have shown me with your body.” Steve kisses him, consciously pushing the sadness

aside. “I’m sure in a few months we’ll be watching Match of the Day together and after that we’ll go

to bed to sleep. And only to sleep.”

“You mean because we already had sex before dinner?” Daniël grins, gets up from the bed and

starts to fetch his clothes. “I’m starving. What about a steak and whatever else I can find in the

fridge?”

“Nice. And I already know what’s for dessert.”

“I bet you do.” Daniël stretches his hand out. “Come on, we’ll run a wet cloth over our faces,

wash our hands and raid the kitchen.”

Even taking their time, out of necessity and because they’re really not in a hurry, it’s no longer

than half an hour before they sit at the table, enjoying a simple but tasty meal. After they have

finished and the dishes are in the dishwasher, Daniël, as promised, phones his parents and then

Degaré.

Finally he calls Matthew. “It’s been great. You guys are the best. We really needed a bit of

alone time. To be honest, I’m scared to think about the coming weeks and months, too. We’ll manage

somehow, after all we’ve gone through, Steve and I and all of you ...”

After Daniël ends the final call, he turns to Steve and says, “They asked how you’re doing, the

first days home. But it hasn’t even started, has it?” Daniël takes Steve’s hand and holds it for a while

before he gets up to make coffee.

“Even if we both know we have to face the world again, this is still important, us here, being

together, without others. We needed this more than anything and they made it possible.” Steve keeps

talking, while he walks with Daniël to the kitchen, trying to see if he can manage the short distance

with one crutch. It’s feasible, but he’s still a long way from being able to walk through his own home

without needing any support.

“Don’t I know it. They did all the grocery shopping for us and even put it away in the fridge

and cupboards. They somehow managed to keep the press away from us. By the way, we have to talk

about that and make a few decisions.”

Steve leans against the sink, watching Danny make coffee, letting him talk. He knows some

seriously difficult times will be waiting for them but at this very moment he’s happy and fulfilled.

“The press,” Daniël starts once they are comfortable on the couch, “can’t be ignored. What

happened to you, to us, stopped being private right from the moment that man tried to feel you up

because he recognised you. No, it started even before that. I told you the club have hired two people

just to deal with the stream of letters, mails, gossip, anything having to do with us, haven’t I? I’ve

seen a fraction of it. It’s both far better and far worse than we could have imagined when we fell in

love. And it’s not just here in England, it’s in Holland and Ireland, but also in every country with any

kind of football culture. All over the world, there are items in sport shows and news shows and god

knows what shows. Every dog and its owner have an opinion about us. It looked like it died down a bit,