slowing voice how tired he is.

“A surprise? I love surprises, especially from you.”

Steve almost regrets having said anything. “Would you be very disappointed if it doesn’t work

out the way I hope?”

“Stop worrying. You’ve already given me you. The rest is icing on the cake.” Daniël offers

Steve his arm. “Ready for your nap and then ready for dinner?”

He doesn’t do much napping, but Steve still feels he definitely needs the rest. It’s nice hearing

Daniël doing whatever he’s doing in the kitchen and living room, humming as he went. It starts to

smell nice, too, after a while.

*

A soft kiss on his lips. “Wake up, sleepy head.”

He must have fallen asleep, even if he thought he hadn’t.

Daniël joins him on the bed for a few moments, giving him time to get his body and mind in

motion again. Then Steve takes his crutches, walks to the bathroom and washes his face. On Daniël’s

suggestion, they both change into their best clothes. Having both lost a lot of weight, they look like

children playing in their dad’s suit.

“If I may invite you to join me at the table?” His lover offers him his arm and accompanies

him to the living room.

Steve has no trouble being speechless: the distance between the fluency of words in his head

and the slowness of his tongue is more than adequate for that, but in this case, he would be speechless

no matter his eloquence.

There’s the perfectly set table, with damask, crystal, china and silver. There are candles and

music. There’s even champagne in the cooler.

“You like it? It’s not too much, not too sickly romantic or anything?”

Before Daniël is able to continue on the path of ever growing insecurity, Steve kisses him right

on the mouth. “It’s beautiful. Thank you.”

He feels genuinely spoiled by the detailed care that’s been put into this meal. He knows Daniël

didn’t have the opportunity to shop for all this, but it’s his idea and he managed to get it across to the

others, who did more than their best to make sure the initial idea and the final result were a perfect

match.

“Gael helped me a lot with this. He even prepared some of the dishes, so I only had to put them

in the oven,” Daniël explains with unconcerned honesty. “It was fun talking about your favourite foods

and champagne and how we could make you feel extra special. He wrote down for me exactly how

much time everything would take, so it would all be just right.”

Steve knows the best compliment to this wonderful display of love and friendship is enjoying

the meal. And he does. Slowly and with all the attention it so highly deserves.

Savoury and salty and sweet and smooth and crispy and hot and cold and creamy and...It’s all

there and often as a surprise. He had almost forgotten food could be like this. Not just prime

ingredients, but also love and care and, an often forgotten ingredient, time. Seafood can be fresh,

chicken doesn’t have to be dull, potatoes do come in various qualities and vegetables are not just

cultivated as a weapon for mothers to pester their children.

“This is so good. I can’t imagine the amount of work put into this.”

By the time they’re enjoying their gourmet coffee with a small drop of brandy, Daniël beams

like he just won everything there is to win in the football world. He quickly clears the table, but leaves

the candles and the champagne.

Steve will never know, and neither does he care, if it’s the candles or the champagne and that

drop of brandy, or simply the way Daniël looks at him, all beautiful and smiling and so, so much in

love, but he simply can’t stop the words flowing from his mouth.

“I don’t know if I’m truly ready for this and I’m not even sure how we can make this work,

technically speaking, but please can I try and ...”

“You’re saying what I think you’re saying? Yes, please?” Daniël gets up from his chair and

kneels down in front of Steve. He rests his head against his lover’s thighs, letting out a happy sigh

when Steve starts to stroke his hair.

“As much as I want to do it with you on your back or you on all fours and me kneeling behind

you, it’s impossible at this moment. My knees...and besides that, I can’t support my weight, or what’s

left of it, with my arms. I wish I knew why, but even thinking about lying flat on my back with anyone

on top of me makes me blind with panic.”

Daniël looks up. “I think I understand why.”

“But it’s you. This is so painful for both of us and I feel so embarrassed by it.”

“You were robbed of even a last chance to defend yourself, to protect yourself. You must have

fought so hard before you could fight no more.”

Steve feels himself drown in an ocean of sadness. “You gave me this perfect dinner and I want

to make love to you, and now I’m fighting monsters again.”

“When you were still so bad and all I could do was sit and watch, some of the nurses took a

few minutes to talk with me while they washed you and made sure your lungs were clear of mucus.

Every single one of them told me how important time is. They said it’s more important than talks and

therapy and anything. It was only yesterday you were released from hospital, after having spent

months in that room. After having seen death.”

“This will be part of the rest of our lives.” It hurts even saying the words.

“I know, and I’m at peace with that if that’s the price I have to pay for still having you in my

life.” He tries, oh how the boy tries. Courageous, stubborn soul. Daniël gets on his feet to be able to

kiss Steve. “Absolutely nothing life throws at me can be even remotely as bad as losing you. All the

rest, I’ll deal with.” He almost sits on Steve’s lap, making sure as little as possible of his weight rests

on his lover.

“This could work,” Steve says, all too aware what he’s doing.“This could actually work.”

The sadness will return but for now, he deliberately turns his back to it.

“What ...” then Daniël understands. “You clever man. You sexy clever man.” He gets up again.

“I’m going to get some stuff.”

Halfway he stops as if changing his mind. “I want you to be comfortable and feeling in control.

If it would help, I’d happily let you tie me to the bed but that’s not what you need at the moment, is

it?”

It’s not really a question but still, Steve shakes his head. “I wouldn’t know what to do.”

“Okay, pillows, lube, something else?” Daniël takes the few steps to Steve to kiss him once

again. “You know, this planning to get laid is actually growing on me. Doing things knowing it’s all to

get that big, fat cock up my arse.”

His lover’s words find their way straight through Steve’s body.

“Gets you hot too, I bet,” Daniël whispers in his ear while he cops a feel of Steve’s beginningto-

form bulge. “Is all of this for me?”

“Go get the pillows and the lube, please Danny,” Steve urges him.

“My man is getting seriously horny.” Daniël gives him one long, deep kiss before he, for the

second time, goes off to get the stuff they need.

Anticipation makes his fingers itch in need, but he wills himself to wait until his lover has

returned, which is pretty soon, much to Steve’s relief. He gets himself on his feet, making sure he’s

standing as stably as possible.

“You have to help me get undressed.” He accepts he has to ask Daniël this because while he

might have found adequate strength in his legs again to be able to stand for several minutes, his sense

of balance is still shaky at best. Besides that, getting buttons through a small buttonhole, especially

with excitement shaking his hands, will take half an hour. And that’s not a manner of speaking.