tasks out of his hands because I could perform them twice as fast with less than half of the energy and
effort it was costing him.
“He never missed even one of my home games and did see most of the away ones, too. I hated
the nights away from home, but it was good to run out on the field for the stretches and see him sitting
there. Him being a guy and having played for Kinbridge Town meant he was allowed in the dressing
room after the game. He always sat quietly on one of the benches, listening to whoever needed
listening to, always finding reasons to give out a compliment or two. But he left the sometimes muchneeded
criticism to the gaffer. I know he would have stayed out if even one of the guys had as much as
hinted they didn’t want him there. No one ever did, not even the new ones, who had never played with
him.
“He still enjoyed the sport, followed it enthusiastically even after I stopped playing. He wrote
down his thoughts about it. I had to really talk him into publishing them. But he stopped at interviews
and public appearances. Still, there can’t be many footy fans or players who haven’t read his first book
in the past 40 or so years. The Art and the Skill became a classic. His second and third book did very
well, too.
“And then there was of course his work for charity, but he doesn’t like me to talk about that, so
I won’t.
“It took me a while to find my niche after I stopped playing. Not having much of a talent in
that direction, I decided against getting my trainer’s licence. But I wanted to stay connected to the
sport, so I taught myself photography. Realised my technical shortcomings and followed some
courses. I discovered I wasn’t one for the fast work during matches, but portraits turned out pretty
fine. I had a several exhibitions, lost count of the magazines that placed my photos, published a dozen
books. He wrote the text for all of them, because he understood better what I was trying to say than I
did. His words gave meaning and depth to the photos I made, beyond the obvious. If I liked the idea, I
did commercial work. Can’t say I ever did something just for the money. That’s real luxury.
“He always supported me in everything. Travelled with me, even if he didn’t like it, so I
avoided that as much as possible. I ended up with my own studio. He was involved in every stage of
my work, from finding ideas to the selection of the final photos. I never did anything without talking it
through with him. Often he sat quietly in a corner when I worked, observing. He put the boys at ease
by simply being there.
“Sometimes I worked outside my studio. I’m rather proud of my after defeat series, not in the
least because it formed such a perfect symbiosis with Steve’s accompanying text. I simply told the
first one to stand against the nearest wall, right after they had lost an important match. Shot a few
pictures, then grabbed the next one. I did the same with every team in all the English professional
football competitions and tournaments. You get the idea. It was all still there: the mud and grass, the
bruises and the tears, the anger and the resignation. How much alike they all looked, and how totally
different. Good boys they were, all of them.
“By that time, I was old enough to be the dad of some of the younger boys. No, I never missed
having children of my own. The Borghart genes have been well taken care of, even without my
personal contribution.
“We saw most of them back at our fiftieth, the boys of our team. Francesco, Dag, Neil, Ray,
Kurt...They had travelled from all over the world to be with us. Of course, you remember picking up
the gaffer and Niko. Soon after the reunion, you got Anthony too. He had been ill for a while, but
never told anyone about it.
“Neil and I stayed good friends after we both retired. Steve and I are godparents to his
youngest boy. The lad became a good defender, too. Sweet character, just like his dad. Saw quite a bit
of Gabrysz as well. Heart as big as the world.
“You already know about Gael and Matthew. There had been promises they would never crash
another plane for how many years now? You mean before that crash? Three more years they visited
our home, to take off their masks for a few hours. Then, one day, they made their decision. This time
it wasn’t about an innocent man being almost beaten to death and his faithful, loving boyfriend. No, it
was about the skipper, a local boy. A married man cheating on his wife with another in-all-but-name
married man. Family men. They were buried under the same ugly mess as Steve and I had been a few
years before that, but with a lot less goodwill.
“But when fans started to make jokes about how Matthew had broken Francesco’s heart, we all
knew the storm had died down. They got married, stayed the loving parents they had always been.
They stopped playing soon after, neither of them wanting to end their careers at another club. Both
stayed very much involved with Kinbridge Town. Matthew started training the young lads. He had
some fine results with them, too. Gael became a writer and analyst.
“They grew old together and tasted the joy of becoming grandparents. They died together. And
I miss them so much.
“I took a picture of my Steve on every single one of our anniversaries and one with the two of
us while we’re looking in a mirror. I made a book out of it, a gift for our friends and family. Dan and
Steve, A portrait, it’s called.”
Daniël looks at the sleeping man beside him, and leans forwards to kiss his forehead.
“He has been the only one for me for half a century. I never even looked at another man. His
body has been my home during all those years. My anchor. And I, by whatever undeserved miracle,
was his all.
“Is this my final lesson, that love is what remains when all is said and done?”
Death takes a step forward and stretches its hand out.
“If you want him, you will have to go through me.” Steve takes his husband in his arms,
shielding him. “You can take me too; I’ve already been blessed beyond what I could have hoped for
when he chose to love me. The two of us or the deal is off.
“He is my beloved and my friend. I stake my claim.”
Death makes its move.
***
Author's notes
The Steve Gavan song in chapter 3 is by Joanne Morris.
Bible quotes in chapter 2 are from The Song of Songs; those in chapter 33 from the book of
Ruth.
About R. A. Padmos
In case anyone wondered, yes, I’m female.
I’ve lived all my life in or around Rotterdam. And 30 of those years I shared with my wife. Our
little family also has two sons and five cats.
I started to write stories when I was nine or ten, and haven’t stopped ever since. I've published
a novel and other fiction and non-fiction but the internet changed everything because I discovered
there’s a lot more women (and quite a few men) interested in reading and writing male/male stories.
And so Ravages happened.