could be done without hurting the people we care about. But they’re going to be hurt anyway. Doesn’t
matter what choice we make in the end.”
We, Steve hears, not I, we.
“I know we’re not ready yet to follow you guys’ footsteps but yeah, it means a lot to us, you
and Dan. We’re happy to be there, tomorrow.” Matthew smile is sad, but genuine. “Dan told me to
make sure you got to bed early and I don’t want that boy to get angry at me. He’s a bit protective of
you.”
Gael laughs. “I bet his mum had to take away his mobile to make sure he’s not going to text
you every five minutes. But we’ll keep you from having contact until you see each other before the
registrar.”
“What about I make you guys a last cup of tea? A small snack perhaps? Could one of you walk
with me to the kitchen to carry the tray? I’m afraid I’ll need some help tomorrow with shaving and the
buttons of my shirt. Those tiny things take me ages. Oh, and the tie as well. Complicated stuff is still,
well, complicated.”
“You’re okay with me shaving and buttoning up this handsome guy?” Matthew jokes to Gael.
“I’m not worried one bit. That man is blind to every bloke except one.”
“And there’s only one for me.” Matthew’s lips curve upwards. “We get you dressed up in time
so your fella can be all proud on the big day. And no, I won’t forget the ring.”
They drink tea, talking about everything and nothing. Matthew leans against Gael, smiling and
looking very relaxed, like for a moment he has let his guard down. Gael looks so happy it has to hurt.
They make a striking couple, Steve can’t help but notice.
“Thank you, for this. For telling me to stay,” Gael says.
“You could have limited the contact with Dan and me to the bare minimum. I would have
understood it, and even now I think it would have been the sensible thing to do, but you proved to be
true friends. You guys would be wise to avoid our home for the next two weeks or so, but after that,
you’re more than welcome. And I know I speak for Danny as well.” Steve gets up. “The alarm is set at
half past six. Is that early enough for you, Gael? The wedding starts at half past ten.”
“No problem.”
“You get to choose, but I’m afraid the beds in both bedrooms are a bit narrow ...”
“And why exactly is that a problem?” Matthew grins dirtily at Gael.
“Good question. Dan had been planning to get a double last year...but … yeah … His mother
told me the beds have been freshly made yesterday, and there are towels and all, so ...”
Matthew chuckles. “You’re going to get married tomorrow and you blush like a virgin.”
“I’m so not going to tell you there’s an unopened bottle of lube in the bathroom cupboard.
That’ll teach you to make fun of me.” Steve winks. “You have a good night, boys and thank you again
for being there for Dan, and for me, all those months.”
Sleep comes easily. Waking up is a joy, knowing his beloved boy will be waiting for him in a
few hours. He takes a quick shower, makes tea and coffee, makes some toast and remembers there’s
no way he’s able to get the tray into the room, where Matthew and Gael are still sleeping, without
making a terrible mess.
“Well, if breakfast can’t come to the boys, the boys will have to come to the coffee and toast.”
And he knocks softly on the door and peeks around the corner.
Gael is clearly awake, holding a still sleeping Matthew, who’s resting his head against the
naked chest of his lover. The look in Matthew’s eyes when he wakes up says more than all the words
he could possibly say in any of the languages he speaks with reasonable fluency.
“It’s time,” Steve says, as gently as possible, as if he’s afraid to damage something so fragile it
doesn’t even need to be touched to break into countless fragments.
He leaves them their privacy to start the day in the way and manner they prefer or need, and
sits down for a bit with a cup of coffee and a piece of buttered toast. In less than four hours, he will
stand next to Daniël and they will make their formal promise to each other, witnessed by the people
who care about them. Perhaps he should be nervous and full of last minute doubts, but he isn’t. He
knows where he belongs and that’s all he needs to know.
“Looking forward to seeing your fella?” Gael asks. He has already showered and dressed. “I’ll
have a cup of coffee and some toast and I’m on my way. Need to change into my best suit and all.”
Less than ten minutes later, he’s on his way.
“Traffic can be a bother at this hour, Dan told me, but he’ll make it on time for the ceremony.
I’m not going to ask if you’re nervous, because I know you’re not.” Matthew munches on a piece of
toast with Marmite. “I had no idea the Dutch eat this stuff, too. Dan hates it. Never mind. Ready for
your shave, the suit and everything else?’
Steve gratefully offers himself into the tender care of his no-longer-and-yet-still captain.
Yeah, he’s ready.
Chapter 33
Give up requesting me to go away from you, or to go back without you: for where you go I will
go; and where you take your rest I will take my rest; your people will be my people and your God my
God. Whenever death comes to you, death will come to me, and there will be my last resting-place.
The registrar talks about how they have lived through the full meaning of those words so often
used in so many ceremonies of commitment, how their experiences had made it possible for them to
make their promise to each other on this day. How their love had changed from an overwhelming
emotion to a rule to live by. And how that love had reached beyond the closed intimacy of their own
existence.
“Hey gorgeous,” Daniël had greeted him half an hour before the ceremony. “You look … I
mean … And here I am, thinking I couldn’t be more in love with you than I already was.”
Arm in arm they had walked over the red carpet of the wedding room in the old town hall,
through rows of friends and family; slowly, but Steve without his crutches. Daniël being so
breathtakingly beautiful, so radiant in his joy, that it took Steve a few moments to notice how
strikingly handsome he looked in his suit. It took him even longer to become fully aware of his
surroundings, with the classic dark blue and gold wallpaper and the wainscoting, the bouquet of red
and white roses on the table, the chairs with blue velour seat and back, the dark purple robe of the
registrar, the registrar herself, a woman with short grey hair and a kind face, and most important of all
the faces of friends and family.
The registrar talks about how they had gone from a hidden life in utter silence to one that can
be supported and carried by the people around them, because they are known to those who matter to
them. How their love had a chance to mature and how they had an opportunity to become familiar with
the everyday practice of a committed bond, with all its highs and lows.
He had seen how Matthew greeted Gael, masks fully in place again, but his lips forming
soundless words. “One day, love ...”
“Steve and Daniël, we have now come to the official part. May I invite you both to stand up
and take each other’s right hand?”
Daniël helps him up from his chair and support him until he finds his balance.
There’s a short bout of laughter when they have a bit of trouble deciding exactly which hand is
their right one.
The registrar smiles brightly and gives a short nod. “Gentlemen?”
His right hand safe and warm in Daniël’s.
“Daniël Borghart, verklaart u aan te nemen tot uw wettige echtgenoot, Steve Aidan Gavan, en