everyone’s admiration for how he dealt with the pressure. He kept us a team. And a strong one, too, if

you look at the table.”

Continue, please.

“It’s not just about an openly gay guy playing for the Premier League, is it? About what

happens in the dressing room and if you can still celebrate a goal by jumping into another man’s arms,

or about fans singing nasty songs. This, with us, makes everyone nervous, because most people can

deal with closet cases having their dirty little secret and a trophy wife and a couple of kids so no one

asks any questions. If Steve had been beaten to death in the Queen Elizabeth Park, a closeted gay man

cruising for anonymous sex, it would have been easier for a lot of people, I bet. But two men in a

committed relationship, planning to get married? Footballers? Professionals? On this level? And they

didn’t even struggle with their sexuality? How did that ever happen?”

Well, how did that happen?

“I fell in love with this man and now I can’t imagine my life without him. I would have given

up playing football on a professional level for him without a second thought, but it seems I’m a very

lucky guy and I can have both.”

I have to ask this. I’m under strict orders from the missus. Who proposed?

Steve starts to laugh. “I don’t think there even was a proper one. Danny mentioned certain

things, like sharing a life and growing old together, I asked him if he meant what I thought he meant

and before we knew it, we were engaged.”

Then there’s the sound of the interviewer chuckling. It happens to the best of men. But let us

continue. How did the fans react? Not just when they heard about the upcoming wedding, but in

general? You are in the middle of quite a storm. How are you experiencing it all?

“The club’s been great in this too. They even hired two very efficient ladies to deal with the

thousands and thousands of reactions, most of which are very friendly and supportive. To be honest,

during the first few days I was too focused on Steve to be aware of the outside world. But after a

while, I started to listen to the stories the other lads told me when they visited us in the hospital.

Kinbridge Town has fans to be proud of.”

“And not just our own club’s players and fans,” Steve adds.

“So many players, fans and officials took the trouble to send us a few words of encouragement

and support. There were also players and fans who told me they thought it was unwise of me to even

try and continue my career as a professional footballer, but still wanted us to know that what happened

to Steve was unacceptable. It reminded us there are still good people on this earth. And believe me, I

really needed to be reminded of that.”

Steve?

“I was worried for a long time whether Dan would still be welcome, not just with our own

team, but also with our fans, with our opponents and their fans.”

I can imagine the first away game being quite stressful.

“You have no idea. It felt strangely good to hear Dan getting booed because he made a brutal

tackle on their striker and the ref didn’t show him red. I knew then for certain he had been accepted

back. They hated him for he did, not for what he is. They were right, too: it was a nasty foul.”

You two talk shop often? Or is that still too painful?

“It’s coming back slowly. I really enjoy watching the matches again, giving a few tips here and

there, although Dan never listens ...”

“Now, that’s not true. He was so good at what he did, and I’m just beginning to learn.”

“I’m only teasing. I’m so proud of him. He’s a born defender; he belongs on the pitch, playing

matches against strong teams. It would be downright wrong if fans had to miss the beauty of seeing

him play for no other reason than that he loves me.”

“It wouldn’t mean a thing without Steve. Don’t get me wrong, I love this sport and I work my

arse off to earn my place in the first team, but if anyone thinks football’s worth living with regret for

the rest of my life ...”

You sound angry.

“I am angry. The reason Steve walked into that park was perhaps worse than if he actually had

been picking up men. That’s simply doing something stupid for private reasons. And now, tell me,

who am I going to blame for what happened to him? The six men literally trying to kick Steve to

death, and almost succeeding too, appeared in a Crown court and I have enough faith in the system to

believe they’ll get their punishment. But who will name all the others bearing at least part of the

responsibility? Who’s going stand up and say: I am part of this. I allowed it to happen through my

silence and my cowardice and my lack of imagination, or because it was easier to hide behind the

backs of a minority of loud-mouthed bigots than to face my own demons.” Daniël’s lips are a straight

line. “I allowed it to happen.”

A complex matter ...

Daniël is now looking straight at the camera. “In fact, it couldn’t be simpler.” Touching the

part of his arm where he knows his tattoo to be, he says, “Cor aut mors. The heart or death.”

Steve?

“I’m still here, and I know the sole reason why.”

A few more questions about the wedding, the next away game against Wolves and that’s the

end of the interview.

“I think we did pretty well.” Daniël gives his verdict.

“I think so too.” Steve nods happily. He can’t deny the man being interviewed isn’t the man he

was a year ago, but there’s no denying either that he made some real progress since the press

conference at the Graces. Not so much in his ability to speak like he used to, he isn’t blind or deaf to

the facts, but in his ability to look at himself with some sort of kindness and acceptance. Even if he

will never be able to look at himself with Daniël’s unconditional love, it’s still progress.

But there isn’t enough time to contemplate much of anything, because within a week they’ll

getting married and move into their new home. They started to realise how impractical their romantic

idea of moving into their joint home on their wedding night had been, with having to make the journey

from apartment to house over and over again during the past weeks; with stuff that should be in one

place but turned out to be in the other. Even with all of the old furniture given away to charity, clothes,

personal belongings and what seemed to be dozens and dozens of items, including everything Daniël

had taken from his own apartment to Steve’s, still had to be moved.

“I don’t care about practical. Our first night in our real home will be as an official couple, even

if we have to use a private jet to get from one country to the other on the day.” Daniël kisses Steve,

holding him in his arms. “We can sleep and have sex comfortably, eat at a table, take a bath, make tea,

prepare a meal: what more could a man possibly want?”

Steve kisses him back. “Nan and mum would have loved you so much. I know I don’t talk

often about them, but they live in my heart, I know they’re safe there.”

“You miss them? And I’m not really asking a question.”

“I know. And yes, I do miss them terribly. But I also know I’m not without family on my

wedding day, even though none of them are related to me by blood or will be by law until we have

signed the marriage certificate and spoken our vows.”

“Is it strange for me to feel the same?”

“Not strange, just one of the many reasons I love you.” Steve kisses Daniël again, slow and

seductive. “I know we don’t have much time, but ...”

“What do you mean no time? We have all the time in the world.”

Chapter 32