but now you’re out of hospital and we’re planning to get married, it’s starting all over again.”
Steve wishes it could be simply them and a few friends, the club, Dan’s family, but he knows
better. They can try and turn their backs to the world, and still the world is going to watch them.
“If we give in to every request for interviews, we’d be busy every single day for at least a
month, if not more, and that’s just for TV. Not going to happen.” Daniël pauses. “You’re okay?”
Steve nods. “It can’t be avoided forever, can it?”
“Please, say no if you’re not up to it, but I think giving a press conference within a relatively
short time would help at least a bit. The press wants to see you, have some news directly from our
mouths, and be able to ask questions. If we do it, Degaré will be there, and Matthew, but I’m not going
to let you do something that makes you very unhappy. I know I can talk for us, and they’ll have to wait
if and until you’re ready to tell your story.”
Steve takes his lover’s hand, twining their fingers. “Most likely, I will feel a bit scared,
definitely nervous, but there won’t be a prouder man than I sitting next to you.”
“We could perhaps do a long interview with a quality journalist right before we get married. I
wish I could say they’ll leave us in peace after that, but well ...”
Steve finishes his coffee. “Then they get the same story over and over again, until they
understand we are the most boringly happy couple in the country.”
“It would be a tiny bit easier if a few others would open their mouths as well. But I don’t
expect a lot of professional players to stand up and declare their love for their fellow men. Or do you
think Gael and Matthew ...”
Steve knows what he’s hearing, but it takes a few seconds to actually hear it. “You’ve seen it,
too?”
“Poor bastards, scared as hell after what happened to you and no one but each other to talk to
about it, because they hope no one has any idea what’s happening right under their noses.”
“I knew what was going on but only on an instinctive level, when I heard them talk while I was
still halfway waking up, but could already distinguish voices. When they talked to each other, they
sounded like when you talk to me.”
“To me, it was in their eyes. Never noticed it before; they were at least as good at hiding as we
were, but suddenly I knew for certain what I was seeing. And what do we do now?”
“We do nothing. Support them by example. They are family men; they have to deal with this in
their own way. Believe me; what they don’t want is us telling them how obvious they are to us. It
won’t help them, or their families.”
“You believe they should live a lie?”
“We lived a lie before I walked into that park. A beautiful, beautiful lie, but still a lie. The
truth started when you came to the hospital and stayed at my side, when you declared your love for
everyone to see and hear, even though you didn’t know yet if I would ever wake up again to confirm
your belief in me had been justified.” Steve can only hope his voice sounds as gentle as he means it to
sound.
Daniël stays absolutely silent for a moment.
Steve gives him his time, before asking, “Did I upset you?”
“Yes. It’s still true, isn’t it?”
“But you also hear what I say about you turning a lie into the truth?”
“I love you. What else is there to say?” Daniël puts his arm around Steve. “It was the easiest
choice I ever had to make. I belong at your side. And once I decided my priority, the rest became so
simple.”“
Come to bed, please?” Steve asks. “I have to feel you as close as possible.”
“Yeah,” Daniël says. “It’s too much, talking about this.”
His support is enough for Steve to get to the bedroom without his crutches, although Steve
leans so heavily on him it must feel like he’s carrying half his lover’s weight.
“It’s my head,” Steve mutters, “my head more than my muscles or my bones.”
“Remember what they told us in hospital? Exercise your muscles and perhaps your brain will
remember.” Daniël kisses him while they land safely on the bed. “Indulge me? Let me undress you?”
“That sounds more like you indulging me.” Steve spreads himself out as much as he’s able to.
“Well, have fun.”
Daniël starts with loosening one button of Steve’s shirt. “Feels like opening a gift for my
birthday and knowing it’s exactly what I asked for.”
The rest of the buttons follow. A kiss for a button and a button for a kiss.
Steve shivers in undiluted pleasure when his lover’s tongue swipes over the right nipple, then
the left, and continues over the surrounding skin. Daniël skips, an impish grin on his face, to the still
clothed crotch to tease the bulge with his lips, but doesn’t stay there because before Steve is used to
one sensation, he’s being kissed on his mouth. Wet and warm and oh, how it takes his breath away.
Suddenly, it stops.
“You make me so fucking greedy for you,” Daniël says, face flustered and eyes bright, while
he starts undressing himself. “I wish I could just ...” His shirt off, he seems to decide he needs to touch
his lover again and skates his hand over Steve’s belly, only to return to unfastening the belt of his own
jeans.
Steve waits patiently, watching his beloved boy trying to do three things at the same time and
hardly managing one. After a few minutes, he decides to intervene. “Why don’t you start with getting
yourself naked, then me?”
“You’re eager to feel me all over?” Daniël finally manages to get himself free of the last stitch
of clothing, his erection a proud declaration of want and need.
Steve stretches his hand out to make Daniël sit on the bed. “More than I perhaps realise.”
Daniël doesn’t forget to undress Steve while he talks. His gestures form a moving combination
of eagerness and care. “Would you allow me to be on top of you for a very short moment? I won’t
even rest my full weight on you. Perhaps you’d like to be on top of me first? Sorry. I’m asking too
much too soon. Sorry.”
“I’m not afraid of you, I’m afraid of the monsters in my own head.”
Daniël stretches himself out on his back, and opens his legs to create a comfortable space for
Steve. “Please?”
And Steve settles himself on top of his beloved, relaxing into the safe embrace.
“Good,” Daniël sighs and he kisses Steve.
“Perfect,” Steve sighs and he kisses Daniël.
Carefully, making sure there isn’t even the slightest chance to startle his lover – Steve has no
other way of interpreting the way Daniël’s hands glide over his back – Daniël explores Steve’s body as
far as he can reach, taking extra care with the many scars. Instead of avoiding them, he familiarises
himself further with them.
“It’s like getting to know you all over again,” Daniël whispers against Steve’s ear. Then,
almost like an apology: “Will you have patience with me?”
“Patience?”
“When I want things to go faster than is possible. When I ask you for things you’re not ready
for. I can see in your eyes you’re aware I’m holding back because I’m afraid to hurt you, to
overwhelm you. God, Steve, what more have they taken from us?”
Steve touches Daniël’s face. “Something in me will always want things to be like before, but
without the secrecy. Even if I’m not ready for what you so obviously need, that doesn’t mean I’m not
just as eager for it as you are. That I don’t want you so very, very much.”
“So it’s okay I can hardly wait till our wedding night?” Daniël almost sounds like a
combination of a naughty boy and a blushing virgin, and Steve can’t help but laugh.