There is, I find, one way of testing a woman's liking for me. — Those who have liked me much, have been pleased to let me pose them at will, and contemplate them, just as long as I liked. Eliza F***m**g did — and she was so beautiful that I was always at it. An hour after dinner (we nearly always dined at her house where she had a good cook), we were in night-dresses, and then our fun began. It being winter, nudity was not quite so pleasurable in itself — but we made the room as hot as fires would make it, and stripped or half stripped, and began our lascivious play. — Between each fuck I scarcely took my eyes off of her, so enamoured was I of her beauty, unless lying quite close to her, with her hand round my prick — which was her favourite place and pastime. I have lain half an hour with my head resting on her thigh near to the knee, looking at her cunt, and puffing it about, as she lay with thighs wide open to indulge me. — Or looking at her whilst laying on her belly, so that I might contemplate the clink in its hairy snugness, between thighs and a backside, in themselves exquisite to look at, from their shape and whiteness, without thinking of the temple of love they enclosed. — She never that I can recollect, shewed anything but pleasure at my doing this. — Others who take such amusements as a matter of business, or a lustful preliminary, always get impatient if my curiosity lasts too long.

Then I found that she made from fifty to seventy pounds a week, by the exercise of her profession, whilst I had given her nothing in money. — Lord E**t*r just then sent her a cheque for a hundred, together with a note saying he was coming to town on a certain day, to stop a few days, and that the cheque would pay some of the expenses. I saw both note, cheque, and the money she got when she had cashed it. This was too much for me. I drew a cheque for her for thirty pounds, and insisted on her taking it. But she refused it. “You know you can't give me so much,” — said she. I told her that unless she took it I would not see her again. She took the money, and I stopped with her nearly till the day when Lord E. was to arrive. On my leaving she gave me a very nice cravat pin, which I accepted. Then I avoided seeing her for some time, tho much against my will, so as neither to get more spooney on her, nor to encourage too kindly a feeling on her part towards me. I went to the Argyle, made acquaintance with a swell woman there one night, and was just leaving with her when I met Eliza. She looked so dreadfully hurt, that I gave the woman a sovereign and returned with Eliza, who cried all the way to her house. I slept with her, and never had a more voluptuous night. She complained of my absence, and wished to know what women I had had, and I told her truth-fully. “What a pity it is you're not better off,” said she, “for you'd keep me wouldn't you? But I should only get you into debt, for somehow I never can make any money I have, do.” She was in debt I found then even, with all the money she had. God knows how she spent it.

Then E**t*r offered to keep her. She sought my ad-vice, which was to accept him, and ultimately she did, tho she said she hated him. She sold off her furniture, and he took a house for her in R*g***s P**k. I gave her a handsome bracelet when we parted, but she only accepted it on condition that I would call and see her; and altho disliking to poach on another man's manor I said I would, and once or twice had her there. All I now tell of did not occupy more than about seven weeks. Then I went out of town mainly to get away from her, tho I loved her embraces.

I had women for a time, but will now finish about Eliza F**m**g. A very short time afterwards, I saw her in the park driving, made an assignation, and had her at a baudy house. There she told me that F**m**g had written to her, that he was coming back, and said he would marry her, what should she do. — “Marry him, of course,” said I.

Two or three months after, she married him, and disappeared from London altogether. I was told that he had an estate in one of the colonies, and had gone there. I never verified that. I felt sorry at her loss — thinking she was a woman I could have been happy with. But who can tell? She was one of those who was voluptuous in the highest degree and would do all amorous tricks. She made no pretense of modesty, yet in all she did there was a certain refinement, and delicacy in her manner. Pulling the lips of a cunt apart for male inspection, seems an act not very elegant, and as if the way of doing it must be the same with all women; yet it is not so. There was a certain lady-like manner in Eliza's doing it, which differed somehow much from that of nine women out of ten, and I have noticed that delicate difference in other women, tho I cannot describe the difference. It is in-definable. (Now I like, I think, the baudy manner of a randy woman, to whom all modesty is a nuisance, and who is lewed both in deed and word. What a difference twenty years have made in my tastes. Eliza F***m**g never used lewed words at all.)

Then I went on the continent, whilst the weather was yet cold. I saw the dancing rooms at Rotterdam, and poor and cheap as they were, had two or three of the women at them. I had one, really a fine, tall, beautiful woman with flaxen hair, and who wore large silver ornaments like shields, or saucers, on each of her temples. Her flesh was beautifully white — I was cunt-struck and had her within a few minutes after I had entered the saloon, and felt ashamed of going out of the room with her as other couples did with women. But no one seemed to notice the couples retiring, tho all knew what they left the room for. The ladies re-turned generally alone, the men after their love-making usually going off by a side door, tho I have seen a man and woman come back into the saloon together, tho every one must have well known what they had been doing upstairs.

I didn't like her flaxen-haired motte, it was never a colour I liked, yet I hadn't left the house a quarter of an hour, when I took a fancy to return to the saloon, and there was the North Hollander, dancing with quite a handsome English youth, well dressed, and seemingly not more than eighteen years old. In another minute he had retired with her, and in about ten minutes more I should think, she returned to the dancing room. She had been fucked, and had cunt-washed in that short space of time. The idea (and what a strange idea it seemed to me) of putting my prick into her after the handsome youth, gave me a cock-stand, and just then noticing me, she came smiling and sat herself by the side of me. At once filled with lust I went upstairs with her again. There I began to wonder at myself, and thought I would leave, but a curiosity sprang up in me about his cock, and in German I asked her if she'd been fucked since I had left her half an hour before.

She said “No.” — Then I told her what I had seen, whereat she laughed, and acknowledged it was true. I asked questions about him. His prick was big, “Big, and oh! So stiff.” He would not wait till she took off her clothes, but put her on bed-side, his prick went up, and almost directly he spent. — I was specially curious then. “Ach Gott — he spent wonderful. Ach Gott, drowned was mine cunt with it, he, was ein English Man.”

Then I looked at her flaxen-haired slit, and to make sure of its being free from his sperm, made her wash it well out before me, and then I entered it again and enjoyed her, thinking of his prick having rubbed where mine was rubbing. What strange fancies come into my head now! They never used to run so much on the male, but they seem to do so more, since Betsy John-son got me the sod I should like to feel another, and one with a big prick I begin to think. And what harm can there be in doing so?

At Amsterdam I went to the best baudy house, which faced one of the canals, and saw a consequential bitch, who began bargaining with me before I had felt her garters even. To satisfy her I gave her about five times what I had given at Rotterdam, and paid down. Then she shammed modesty till I lost my temper, for I know when a regular whore does that, she is a humbug, and has something to hide. I went in my anger to the door to leave, but calling out for the baud to tell her. That brought the bitch to her senses. Taking about ten minutes to do it, she undressed, and a poor, skinny, bony female she was, and one who could not put her thighs wide apart, or who would not, but I think could not. I have had several women who could not, whose thigh bones seemed nearer together than those of most women. — There seemed scarcely room for my hand between this one's thighs, as I graspd her cunt with my whole hand as I like to do.