I don’t think I’ve ever felt as proud of myself as I do right now. It’s a high like no other.

“And thank you for helping him achieve his dream.” Mr. Monroe stands and gives me a hug.

I start back to my seat and see Matt and Heather smiling at me. Then I see Lucy and Johnson a few rows behind them. Lucy waves, and I see him. Nick is standing at the back door. He isn’t dressed for the ceremony. He doesn’t look like he’s changed his clothes in days. He sees me watching him and leaves. Fear, adrenaline, love. I don’t know what is keeping me from running out of the church after him. I want to see him. I need to talk to him. I need to know where we stand. I need to know if I’m safe.

“At least he showed.” I pull out of the parking lot and drive towards the marina.

“I guess.” Dani is fidgeting. She looks like a junkie that’s contemplating her next fix. Only the drug she’s craving isn’t a drug. It’s Nick.

With everything that’s happened in the last three days, we haven’t even talked about Will Walker. I don’t even know if Nick had a chance to tell him about Dani before the shooting. I hope not.

I was able to take her website down. Hopefully nobody saw it.

“Have you told Lucy yet?”

“No. I don’t want to worry her for nothing.”

“This isn’t nothing, Dani. Just your life.” I hit the brakes harder than I need to and we jerk to a stop. There is a line of cars waiting to turn left into the Wharfinger building. The Monroes are having a celebration of life, that’s what they’re calling this. I don’t want to go. I don’t feel like celebrating. From the look on Dani’s face, she doesn’t want to either. I have to go. Arnie was my friend, and if it were me, he’d be there.

We finally make it onto the service road that leads to the parking lot, and I realize the lot is full. I drop Dani off and head down Waterfront to the supplemental parking lot. I find a space with minimal chance of door dings and head back to the Wharfinger building. Yeah, I know it’s a douche thing to do, but it’s a new car. Arnie would understand.

I scan the room and spot Dani at a table with Lucy and Johnson. Nobody is getting to her with Johnson around. I better find my mom and Ashley. I saw her car in the lot, and I want to at least say hi. My mom grew up in Eureka; she’s known Arnie’s parents since they were kids. She’s been pretty wrecked. Probably because she thinks that it could have been me.

“Hey Matt.”

I turn around and see a couple of guys from school waiting to talk to me—Sam and Brian. They played basketball with Arnie. We’ve all hung out a few times. They’re cool. A group of older women push past us towards the buffet, so we step into the corner to talk.

“What’s up?” I shake both their hands. We look out at the group that’s gathered here in honor of our friend. “This is fucking crazy.”

“I know, man. Have you seen Nick? He must be fucked up,” Brian says.

“No.” I don’t tell him that he was at the church. I don’t tell him about the last time I saw him. I don’t tell him we’re not friends anymore.

Sam steps closer to me and forms a little circle with his back to the room. “So, are you guys still in business?”

Is this fucker really asking me for a hook-up at Arnie’s funeral? Is that the only reason they’re here? They just want drugs? Is this what I’ve turned my friends into? Fiends that don’t give a shit about anything except getting high. Our friend is dead. My friend is dead. My other friend is…I don’t even know. He’s dead to me.

I push him before I realize I’m pushing him. “Get the fuck out of here.” I don’t stop when he tries to apologize. I don’t stop when my mom waves at me from the corner. I don’t stop until I reach Dani.

“Let’s get out here.” I hold out my hand, and she takes it.

Lucy and Johnson watch as she gets up and leaves with me.

They don’t try to stop us.

If Matt didn’t suggest we leave, I would have. My speech at the church drew a lot of unwanted attention. I met all of Arnie’s family, cousins, aunts, uncles. They thanked me. Thanked me for spending one afternoon with Arnie.

Matt starts to drive towards Lucy’s house when his phone rings. We both jump. We both hope and dread it being Nick. I want to see him and I don’t. I think Matt feels the same.

We hate him, we love him.

“It’s my mom,” Matt says.

I find myself looking out the window. I’m looking for him. For his car. Only he doesn’t have it anymore. His car is gone, just like Arnie.

“Shit. My mom’s Audi has a flat. I have to go back and help her.”

Matt pulls over and waits for the road to clear so he can make a U-turn.

“I don’t want to go back there. Can you take me to the café or something?”

“Are you sure? It won’t take that long for me to change the tire.”

“Patty’s there, I’ll be fine.” I force a smile. “I’ll text Heather to come keep me company.”

Matt doesn’t really have a choice. He drives to the café and stops in front. “Wait for me here. I don’t want you to walk home alone,” he says as I get out of the car.

He sounds like Nick.

“Yes, sir.” I give him a fake salute and close the door.

I watch Matt until his car is lost among the traffic. The café is packed. Some of the overflow from the funeral must be inside. I don’t want to go in. I start walking towards West Harris. Lucy and Johnson might even be home soon. I doubt they’ll stay long without me being there. I should call Matt or Lucy. I should, but I don’t. I want to call Nick. I look at my phone. I flip it open and look at his name in my contact list and I hear our song. Am I hallucinating? It’s faint, but there is no mistaking the whining guitar riffs.

I can face a mountain, but I could never climb alone…...

You’re the reason the sun shines down….

Only you that I hold when I’m young, only you as we grow old….

I turn around and see a black SUV pull up behind me. The passenger window slides down, and I see Nick in the driver’s seat. I wonder if running into me was really a coincidence. Nick leans over and tries to smile. I don’t know what there is to smile about. We buried his best friend today. The friend that died because of him, because of his uncle. I’m suddenly overwhelmed with anger. Anger at Nick.

“We need to talk,” he says.

“Do we?” I can’t even look at him. I keep walking towards Lucy’s.

Nick rolls beside me. “Dani, please. Give me a chance. Please get in, I’ll explain everything.”

He’s begging. Nick Marino is begging me for a chance. I look at his humbled face and feel empowered. For once I have the upper hand.

Nick stops, and I walk around the front of the SUV and get in.

“Explain.”

A tow truck is already at the car when I get there.

“Can you please take Ashley home?” my mom says. “She’s tired.”

I look at Ash. She looks a little pale. I thought it was the stress of today, but when I think about it, she’s been pale for weeks now.

“Ok, let’s go.”

We get in the car, and Ashley tries to tell me she feels fine. “Mom is overreacting.” She looks out the window. “She’s suffocating me.”

She’s right, but we all do it. It’s not because we think she’s weak. She’s the strongest person I know. We do it for ourselves. We protect Ashely because we can’t handle her being sick. It’s a fucked up, selfish way of looking at things, but it’s true.

“She’s just worried. Plus, she probably wants to help Mrs. Monroe with food and stuff. You’ll just be sitting around bored.” I mess her hair, and she rolls her eyes at me.