Dani takes my hand and doesn’t let go, even after we walk into the house. If she doesn’t care, neither do I. The crowd looks like it doubled in size. We squeeze through the kitchen, into the living room. I spot Nick in the corner, surrounded by chicks. Luckily, Dani’s too short to see over the crowd. I don’t think seeing Nick in a circle of sluts would make her very happy right now. I stop to see if we can make it back to the kitchen just as the thizz national anthem pumps into the room. The house explodes and everyone starts dancing. Including us. I turn Dani so her back is towards Nick. I don’t want to ruin this moment, her mood. I spot Arnie over Dani’s head. He’s got some chick bent over in front of him. Fucking Arnie. K and a couple of cheerleaders are dancing next him. K yells my name and points at me. I point back and Dani turns around to see who I’m looking at. Suddenly, she stops dancing.

I follow her line of sight to Nick, who is smiling at an Angelina Jolie lookalike. She slides her arms around his neck, and he lets her. He doesn’t realize his girlfriend is watching some hot girl rub up on him. I have to save him. I yell his name as loud as I can. K sees me shouting and looks at Nick. He cups his hand halfway around his mouth and yells. Nick doesn’t look up. I feel Dani move away, towards him. I yell one more time and catch Arnie’s attention. I point down at Dani and then to Nick. He tosses his chick to the side and slides through the crowd. I can’t read his lips or hear what he’s saying, but Nick slips out of the girl’s arms. He dances through the crowd, giving high fives as he goes. He finally reaches us and lifts his hands above his head in a double high five to me. He gives me a small look of appreciation and then turns all his attention to Dani.

Where it belongs.

I take a long pull from my joint and put it out on the wall. I don’t know why I volunteered to wait for the pizza guy. Everyone is still too fucked up to eat. Nick and Arnie have been pushing sales hard tonight.

“You want some company?” Dani closes the front door and wraps her arms around herself. “It’s cold out here.”

I pull off my Stanford sweatshirt and offer it to her. She takes it and pulls it over her head. “You look good in my colors.”

She smiles and rests her head on my shoulder. “You’re sweet.”

This is the reason I started giving her the pills. Moments like this, when it’s just us. When Nick and Arnie are making sales and we’re stuck in a side yard or in the car together. A hug, a smile, a look from Dani is all I ever wanted. I put my arm around her, pretending to keep her warm. I’ll use any excuse to hold her. “You don’t have to wait with me.” I pull her tighter. I don’t want her to go, but it’s the right thing to say. “Go back inside and hang out with your friends.”

“You’re my only friend.”

I want to say something more, tell her I love her again. I know I can’t. But I really fucking want to. I let her go and shove my hands in my pockets.

She wraps her arms around my left arm and snuggles me. “This time next year we’ll be in college.”

I can’t tell if she’s being thoughtful or implying something.

“Stanford isn’t that far from CAL.” She lifts her head and looks at me. “Just a train ride away.”

What is she saying?

“We can still see each other on the weekends and stuff.”

“Yeah, of course.” I don’t want to think that far ahead. I have to remember who she is now. I have to assume Nick will be in the picture. It’s the right thing to do. He’s still my best friend, she’s still his girl. If they break up, it won’t be because of me. If she breaks up with him, I can’t date her, ever. It will have to be Nick’s decision if they decide to end things. The only way I can be with Dani is if I know Nick doesn’t want her. Since that is highly unlikely, then I’m pretty much dreaming. “We can all get together and hang out. It’ll be cool.”

“Oh.” She lets my arm go. “Yeah, of course, all of us.” She leans against the wall away from me and wraps her arms around herself and looks towards the street.

I want to punch myself in the face. I let her believe I don’t want to see her. That I don’t want her. I had to. It’s the right thing to do. “It’s freezing out here.” Weather seems to be a safe topic.

“Yeah.” She puts her hands inside the sleeves of my sweater and blows on them. In some sick way, it turns me on. “Does it ever snow here?”

“No. It doesn’t get that cold. Last New Year’s Eve was the closest we ever got to snow. It hailed pretty hard but it never snowed.”

Dani rests her head against my arm again and says, “I know. I was here.”

“You were in Eureka?”

She nods.

“That’s crazy. Nick and I were at a house party that isn’t too far from Lucy’s.” I remember the chick Nick hooked up with that night. She was a senior when we were freshmen. She was like the holy grail of hot chicks in our school. And Nick got her. He gets all the girls.

“My parents died last year on New Year’s Day.” Dani clears her throat.

Holy shit. I’m standing here thinking about Nick getting laid and Dani’s thinking about her parents. I’m an asshole.

“We were supposed to go home the day after Christmas, but Lucy begged my mom to stay for her birthday. Lucy was born on New Year’s Eve. I always think, if we left earlier or a day later…” she trails off.

I’ve wondered about Dani’s parents ever since she told me they were killed. I never ask her any questions, because, well, the death of your parents doesn’t make for good conversation.

“It happened right under the Bay Bridge.” She’s shaking, and I wonder how much of it is from the cold. “It was foggy that night. I remember looking up at the sky and only seeing gray. No stars. No moon. I don’t want to die on a foggy day.”

“You’re not going to fucking die.” I pull her into my arms and hear her sniffle. “You’re safe here. Nobody is going to hurt you.” I kiss the top of her head and squeeze her tighter.

“I know, but I’m scared. I’m scared to leave. I’m scared to stay. I’m not the same person I was last year. I don’t know who I am.” She isn’t crying, but I hear the threat of it in her voice.

“I know who you are. You’re Dani DiMarco. I won’t let you forget that.” It’s moments like this that I hate Nick. I hate him for not being the one to comfort her. I hate him for not knowing who she is. He’s never here for the bad; he only gets the good. The smiles, the kisses, maybe even more.

She pulls away and looks at me. Her hands tap my chest and she smiles. “That isn’t my name.”

The street is quiet except for the music echoing from inside the house.

“DiMarco is Lucy’s last name.” It feels like a huge weight has been lifted from my chest.

“But your parents did die in a carjacking, right?” Matt looks like he’s trying to figure out a puzzle in his head.

Just tell him. Tell him everything. You can trust him.

“The police consider the shooting a failed carjacking, but there’s more. My father may have been the target.” I think about some of the people my father defended. “He had a lot of shady clients. They think one of them may have been angry with the outcome of his case or something. Since I was in the backseat when they were shot, I’m technically a witness. Only I didn’t see anything. I had on headphones and my music was turned up pretty loud. I heard the shots, but by the time I realized what happened and sat up, the gunman was gone. They have one witness. A waiter in the restaurant across the street saw a man run from our SUV. That’s their only lead.”