My place is dark and stuffy. I quickly unlock the windows, then draw open the blinds. I can smell rain in the air as I stare at the thunderous clouds. What I want is a bath. I’ve missed my pedestal tub, and while I’m soaking, I’ll derive a plan. I turn on some music, then begin to fill the tub. I pull off my clothes and slide in. Jesus, I’ve missed this. Twelve showerheads are great, but nothing compares to this luxury.
I stay in until the bubbles are gone and the water grows tepid. I change into sleepwear, then make my way to the kitchen. I snatch a bag of chips and a pint of gin. This is my secret stash kept in the upper far right cabinet. The chips are seven months expired, and I’ve already had enough to drink. Besides, I hate gin. I grab my phone, and forty-five minutes later, chicken chow mien, egg rolls, and fortune cookies are delivered. I could have done without the cookies. I’m the only one who can change my fortune, and currently, it looks bleak.
The rain begins to fall as I eat. I turn on the television for a bit, but I’m tired. My bones ache from the long flight. I try to hit pause on my thoughts, but what am I going to say to Keenan? I needed space, so I thought I’d leave you in another country and take the ten-hour flight home alone. Or better yet, Hey, I met an eighty-year-old woman who I told the most intimate secrets of our sex life, and by the way, I might have mentioned you have a humongous cock. I groan loudly. Damn, it doesn’t even sound good in my own head.
Tomorrow is another day, and at some point, I’ll have to face him. Either to justify my actions or end it. I need to call Haven too. I have no doubts she’s furious as well as frustrated with me. I have disappointed everyone, including myself.
I settle in my bed just as I hear a tapping sound. I go to the living room and grab the bat behind the door. It has always been my security weapon of choice. My mouth gapes open as I peer through the peephole.
Judgment day has come—early. I put it down and unlock the door.
“You’re still hiding the bat behind the door instead of setting the security system I paid for?” Keenan asks. He doesn’t sound angry, which makes me rather hopeful.
“What are you doing here?” I question as he barrels past me.
I’ve never seen him look so casual. The worn jeans with just a T-shirt stretched over his hard-bodied chest have me salivating for a touch. The ends of his blond hair have curled from the light rain. His eyes are so vivid they scorch me everywhere he stares. I forgot I’m wearing boy shorts and a sheer tank top. My nipples suddenly become erect from his gaze. Our eyes meet as I watch him lick his lips. Sexual attraction has never been an issue. This is just another case of us wanting to fuck each other. I can feel my sex clench from my thoughts. As though he can read my mind, I see his erection become prominent.
“Just tell me why.”
I sigh as I pinch the edge of my top. I then cross my arms to hide my breasts. “I just had to leave. You scared me with the impending countdown. You know how I hate to be told what to do outside of the bedroom,” I say, adding that last part hoping to throw some irony into the conversation.
“If you don’t love me and we don’t have a future, you could have told me that before we went to Scotland. Haven made a hundred excuses for you. Latch thinks you’re just jerking me around and I should move on.”
“Fucking cocksucker man whore,” I mutter under my breath.
“Reformed man whore whatever. I left right after I found out you were gone. Tell me you don’t love me. Just say it. At least then we can be finished and I can go.”
I can’t explain it. It feels so foreign to me. But I begin to cry. The sadness and anguish I’m experiencing just erupts. It’s like an outburst of emotional baggage I’ve carried for so long and it’s gotten too heavy. Within two minutes, I go from crying to hysterical sobbing to the cursed hiccups. Keenan’s face is a mask of horror. He’s never witnessed me losing it. I’m sure, after five years, he thought I was emotionally stunted. I never wanted him to witness me like this. I’d rather him think I’m aloof and cold. Everything I feel now is alien to me. I had no idea I was even capable of this kind of sentiment. He’s never seen me this melodramatic, and he is lost. I’m sure he’s seen other women cry, but I’ve always been unbending. Now, I openly display my weakness, knowing the one thing that can break and cripple me. Him.
“Baby, fuck… please… I can’t bear to see you cry. I can just go. I never meant to cause you this pain. Stop. You’re killing me,” he murmurs as he pulls me into a tight embrace.
I sob into his T-shirt, wiping my snotty nose on his sleeve. This is what women view as an ugly cry. Tears I have suppressed all my life flowing all at once.
“Don’t you dare leave me, Kee,” I bellow.
He pushes my hair away from my face as his eyes move to my mouth. I can see he’s emotional too and his eyes are damp. It only makes me weep more.
“Just tell me what you want, baby, and I’ll do anything. Even if it means giving you up and walking away, I will. I love you too much to see you in such agony. But I need to know what you want. I’ve never known true helplessness until I found out you’d left me. I didn’t feel complete again until you opened your door. But if I’m not who you want, I’ll go, because you’re the only thing that matters. I’d give it all up. You’re it. I knew it the first time we met. The minute you made me laugh. And when I got to know you, it changed everything. When you look at me, you see me—just a man. The money, the fame—it means nothing to you. I’ve never had that before. In your eyes, I’m just Kee, and to me, that’s my entire reason for being. Weezie, you are why I wake up in the morning and why my day isn’t complete until I lie beside you at night. You’re who I want to spend my life with.”
At the end of his monologue, he claims my mouth as he traces his tongue along the seam of my lips, pressing his body flush with mine, devouring me. I kiss him back with urgency. His breath in my lungs is life-affirming air. I pant softly as I break away from him. My tears have been supressed.
“I need you to make love to me,” I say quietly as I cling to his shirt. I can feel his heart hammering through his chest as I speak my confession.
When I stare up at him, he looks stunned. His eyes display disbelief. I’ve never asked him before. I always referred to us having sex as fucking. As much as I enjoy hard and dirty, what I need right now is slow and tender.
“I don’t understand,” he says, pulling back slightly.
“I love you,” I say as I pull my tank over my head. The words feel unfamiliar. I never had the chance to express those feelings to my parents, and Haven has been the only recipient of the actual words.
“How do you know?” he croaks out as his eyes greedily shift to my bare breasts.
I sigh. “I think I always knew. I always felt it. I just didn’t want to concede. I spent so much time trying to discourage myself from the inevitable. It took a stranger to make me say the words and admit the truth.
“I don’t understand, Weezie. A stranger?” he questions as he moves closer and reaches out to cup my neck.
“It was a long flight, and it appears excessive drinking made me quite chatty. It seems I told my life story to an eighty-year-old woman.”
He chuckles into the curve of my neck. “And she’s still alive? No one had to resuscitate her after you described in detail your wicked ways? Umm… you didn’t bring up my cock, did you?”
“I might have touched on it.”
“Maybe you should touch on it now.”
His lips trace a line from my neck and capture a nipple, sucking it into a hard tip. I bend backward as he continues to lick and nip both nipples. My pussy begins to throb as I crush myself against his thighs. I rub my body roughly against his hard shaft. I hear a growl come from him as our breathing grows desperate.