Keenan returned dressed in only his pants. In between crunching the chips and sipping my wine, I was licking my lips. Seeing him exposed made my body hum. Even a blowjob wasn’t going to get me out of this. I could tell he was on edge, and I might not be able to pull him back.
He sat on the other sofa across from me. “I’m tired, Weezie. You exhaust me. I don’t—or rather, I won’t do this anymore.”
I set my wineglass on the coffee table. “What’s changed? We have everything. Why do you need more?”
His face softened as he surveyed me. “This,” he said, pointing to everything in the room. “It’s not enough. I have to believe there’s more than just this. I have put up with a lot, Weezie. I’m not sure you could find another man to be so tolerant. I’m sick of not knowing if we truly have a future. If what we are right now is all we’ll ever be. I don’t want to do it anymore, and the fact is if you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with me, I really don’t see the point in us continuing.”
I gulped as a myriad of emotions hit me all at once. That anvil of impending doom had crashed into me, leaving me a quaking mess inside. “You’re leaving me?” I asked in a tiny voice.
He shook his head. “I love you. You know that, but if you don’t know by now whether or not you want to commit, then explain to me how I’m supposed to live with that. Jesus, you have to give me something, some kind of hope. I want us be husband and wife. I want to grow old with you.”
“Okay, just wait another five years and you’ll have your wish,” I quipped, attempting a little bit of humor. In five years, I would be fifty.
Keenan came over and sat next to me. Close enough I could smell his cologne. Close enough I could sense his pain and heartache. I had hurt him. If I cared about him at all, I’d walk away. He’d find someone else and finally have the life he deserved. The kind of man he was, he merited a better woman. Someone who would love him and care for him. He wanted to marry me, in spite of our age difference, the fact we’d never have children, and the reality that, as a couple, we were dysfunctional. But the truth was he wasn’t. I was.
He’d given me five years of pleasurable contentment. Yes, we had our issues, mainly mine, but he’d always been accommodating. I could just marry him. I mean, it was only a piece of paper. A document that clearly meant ownership. A contract that signified one hundred percent monogamy—forever.
That binding document meant I would never be with another man ever again. No matter how sexually cavalier I was, I would never cheat. It was one of the many reasons I didn’t want to get married. I would never break that vow, even if I wanted to. And I would end up miserable, and eventually, that misery would trickle down to Keenan. I’d honored his wishes and stopped seeing other men when we began to live together. But I’d never been genuinely honest with myself about what I really wanted. I didn’t want to hurt him, and my worst fear was the publicity would make him a laughing stock.
“I never said no. I need time to think about it,” I whispered. What? Why did I just say that? I was giving him hope. I was a despicable person.
He bent forward as his forehead touched mine. “Oh, babe, I wish time would make a difference, but it’s been five years. I shouldn’t have asked you right now. I should have waited until after we got back.”
It had slipped my mind we were going abroad to celebrate Latch’s thirtieth birthday. I was apprehensive, but I needed a sounding board. So Haven would get to hear my woes. I wasn’t even sure how to explain this to her. I knew she was team Keenan all the way. I was team Keenan too. The thought of never seeing him again or waking up next to him left me torn on the inside. What I felt for him might never be real love, but it was the closest thing I’d ever know. I wasn’t sure I could walk away from all of this. He was my primary person. The one I could always count on.
“We’ll revisit this conversation after we return. Maybe Haven will give you advice. I’ve waited this long, so another two weeks I can do. I’m not asking you to wear the ring, but hold on to it while you consider everything. I am sorry I was duplicitous with you,” he said as his hand squeezed mine. “I love you, and I need that useless piece of paper. I need to define us, at least for myself. I want to call you wife. More than that, I need you to call me husband. Nothing will change. I promise. No matter what, I’ll know that you’ll always be taken care of. I want to provide you with something beyond monetary. I want to be your emotional shelter and refuge.”
For the first time since Haven told me she was pregnant, actual tears stung my eyes. I’d managed for years to subdue any kind of crying because I’d always associated the act with weakness. I squeezed them back. He’d caught me off guard with his proposal and his words. Along with the anguish, I was feeling emotionally vulnerable. I was also suffocating. Even the thought of marriage was stifling. But now I’d been given an ultimatum. I had fourteen days to choose ownership or a solitary life.
Present
What the hell had I been thinking? I look over just as the passenger next to me, this gray-haired old lady, winks at me. Jesus, I’m astonished she hasn’t had a coronary from all the explicit details and F bombs. “I so apologize for baring my soul to you. I’m very embarrassed. Get a few drinks into me and my mouth just has a mind of its own.”
The woman begins to cackle as she pats my arm. “Oh my, but it has been entertaining. I thought this flight would be boring as hell until I recognized you.”
This woman knows who I am. Fuck me. All I need now is for her to give my story to some reporter. I unloaded my life history to a complete stranger. Details I’ve never told anyone. My personal, private thoughts. Fuck my life. Too many vodka martinis have loosened my lips. I’d planned to sleep through this extended flight, hoping first class would be deserted this time of year. Evidently, I needed someone to talk to, and this person filled my needs.
“Ruby Stalls,” she announces as she holds out her hand. “I already know who you are, dear. Weezie Miller.”
I blush, which is something I rarely do. Embarrassment isn’t one of my virtues, but the words I used and the sexual descriptions… And ohmigod, I told her about Keenan’s cock. What the hell? I need to quit getting intoxicated. Maybe lock myself in the bathroom. Since, obviously, when I drink, I have no filter.
“I am so sorry, Ruby. What you must think. To be honest, I don’t display this kind of behavior to anyone, let alone someone I don’t even know. No excuse except too much booze and apparently verbal diarrhea.”
“You’re in pain. If talking about it helped, then I’m glad. You’ve led a rather compelling life for someone so young.”
I haven’t been referred to as young in a long time. Compared to her, I suppose I am. I hope I look as pulled together as she does at her advanced age. With the exception of the gray hair, she has a youthful appearance and her mind seems sharp.
“When I recognized you, I couldn’t believe it. Keenan Stone’s girlfriend,” she whispers, turning her mouth close to my ear. “How lucky you are. I was with my Franklin for over fifty years, but I would have filed for divorce with the promise of one night with your man.” She chuckles.
“Your husband?” I question.
“Franklin passed away almost two years ago. God rest his soul. He was a good man. We have five children, seven grandchildren, and three great-grandchildren. We had a wonderful life. But when you get to be my age and you’re suddenly single, it gets lonely. By the way, I’m eighty years young.”
I internally groan as she continues, wondering if I’ve traumatized her with my tales of perversion. I not only told her about me, but Keenan, and threw Latch and Haven under the bus with my sordid stories. Ugh! Kill me now.