"Thanks." She offers a smile and dismisses him.
Once again, Mateo's eyes look me up and down. I don't respond. I know that look. He's trying to intimidate me. Not going to happen buddy. I keep my temper in check. If I lose it over Mateo, I'm done for. Once he's gone, Selene steps to the side making room for me to enter her apartment. It's a good sign.
I look around at the small studio. This is no place for a kid. No place for my kid. I can't believe she's pregnant. I hand her the bag. "I didn't know what to bring. I figured flowers and chocolate are too cliché, so I brought you pickles and ice cream."
"Pickles and ice cream?" She says sounding surprised. "Because they aren't at all cliché."
I shrug. "I'm not even sure that's still ice cream. It's probably all melted and drippy."
She takes the bag and heads over a few feet to the kitchen area. "Why are you here?" She asks emotionless, taking the ice cream out of the bag and putting it in the freezer.
I wait for her to turn and look at me. I don't know what to say first. The words are a jumbled mess in my head, I know they won't come out any clearer when I speak, so I start with the first thing that comes to mind. "I'm here to apologize." I step towards her and bring us chest to chest. She backs up so that the counter is at her back. I can't help myself, I reach out and brush a stray hair behind her ear. Even though her eyes drop, I hear the deep intake of breath, and I relax a little. She might try to fight it, but that breath means I still affect her.
"I miss you."
She still doesn't respond. I reach for her hands and rub my thumb over her knuckles.
"I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm so sorry, baby. I was scared that you were sick, that I might lose you forever. I couldn't handle it."
She pulls her hands out of mine. Shit. This doesn't bode well. I have to turn this around. Fast.
"I would think if you were afraid of losing me, you would've been relieved."
"Everything I said and did, I hate myself. You can't possibly hate me more than I hate me. Please, give me another chance, Selene. Give us another chance. "
Her eyes are tinged with sadness as she's no doubt reliving our last moments together in Italy. I need to take her mind off that, make her forget how cruel I was. I hold her head in my hands and massage the base of her neck. My eyes drop to her lips. Those luscious lips that I yearn to feel against mine. Not yet. I don't want to deal with rejection from her and I'm afraid if I move too fast I'll blow my chance.
"Nothing's changed. I'm still having my baby." She looks up at me, her jaw set, defiance ripe in her eyes.
"Our baby." It comes out low and soft, like a whisper. I can't believe that I'm saying it, that I'm signing on for this. But I have no choice.
She shakes her head. "You accused me . . ."
"I know." I don't want her to repeat the ugly things I said. I need to cut her off and get my words out clear and concise. I inch closer and focus on her mouth. I dip my head down, and ever so lightly brush my lips against hers.
I'm hoping to tease her memory, make her remember what happens when we touch like this; the warmth, the desire, the all-out need. My heart races and I think I'm trembling. I haven't had this kind of physical response since the first time I got laid. But it's Selene's reaction I'm interested in. I need to see how she reacts to me, to a tiny taste after a week of being starved. I need to know that her body misses me the way my body misses her.
Selene's hips tilt toward me, and I know I'm on the right track. I slide my hands down her back to her waist, and then under the hem of her shirt. I close my eyes as my hands ghost over the skin on her back. Pressing my hips against her abdomen I hope she feels how much I want her.
Selene shakes her head in protest. She doesn't want me. Fuck. The ache in my chest is becoming unbearable.
"I miss you so much. I miss you when I wake up in the morning. I miss you when I go to sleep at night. My entire day is spent wondering where you are and what you're doing. I wonder each minute if you're alone, or if you're thinking of me as well."
She scrunches her eyes up tight, like it's painful to hear my words. Maybe it is. It's more painful to say them and know there's a chance she's going to tell me to fuck off.
"This isn't real. You've had time to think and practice it all. What you said in Italy, you had no time to think or prepare. That was how you really felt."
"Yes." If I deny it she won't believe me. I need to own up to it. I cup her cheek, and her head tilts ever so slightly into my hand. It's working. She wants me back, even if she doesn't realize it yet. "I was surprised. Shocked. You told me you were on the pill. We were supposed to be safe."
"I didn't want to get pregnant." Her voice hitches up an octave or two. "This isn't the direction I saw my life going in. When I first found out, I wanted to die, because I knew you wouldn't want it, or me anymore."
The ache in my heart changes. It's sharp and slicing, and just increased tenfold.
She wanted to die. Because of me.
Nothing she's ever said or done is as painful as that one statement. I don't know how she does it, but I'm mad as hell and completely devastated at the same time. All my strength just melted away. I let the facade drop and allow my raw feelings to have free reign over me. I tilt her chin up forcing her to look at me.
"Don't, Ever. Say. That." My voice is deep, husky. Even though my eyes feel like watery puddles, I give her a pointed look. "No one is worth giving your life up for. Especially not me."
"Tell me about Luna."
I feel my lungs burn from the lack of air. I shake my head.
"Please."
"No. She has nothing to do with us, and I don't want to waste my time with you dwelling on her. Please I need you to just respect that."
"Cooper?" She looks away. "How am I supposed to give you another chance when you won't talk about what's really bothering you? You love her. That's why you have that tattoo."
I shake my head. "That's not why I got it. It's more to remember the things I did wrong. So I don't make the same mistakes, like the one I made with you in Italy. Please, Selene. Just let it drop."
She nods. "Cooper, it's yours. I swear. I haven't been with anyone since . . ."
I can't hold back anymore. I crush my mouth against hers because I don't know any other way to communicate how I feel. This is all I know. My tongue invades her mouth and my hands move up her sides, into her hair, down her back to her ass. After a few minutes of desperate kissing, I pull back, my heart thundering, breathless.
"I was scared. Really, really scared. Maybe this is what I needed to realize you're the only one for me," I whisper pulling her shirt off.
She shakes her head.
"Don't." I bring my hands around to the front of her waistband. "Don't shut me up. Don't shut me out."
I unbutton her jeans and slowly inch them down her long, beautiful legs, making sure my fingertips graze over her skin. I stand up and take my time admiring the beautiful woman in front of me. Her eyes are nervous, vulnerable. She makes no move to touch me. That's okay. This is going to be all about her.
Holding her tight I press my lips against her neck. She moans and squirms in my arms. Her hands rest on my shoulders, and I'm not sure if she's holding on or trying to push me away. I don't think she's fully decided yet.
One leg bends and rises up. Her knee is at my hip. I close my eyes sliding my hand over that leg and place it back on the ground. With my fingers tangled in her hair, I kiss her mouth once more before my hands crawl down her sides, my mouth follows suit, kissing, tasting every delicate inch of her, until my fingers hook into her panties.