Today is another anniversary I wish I didn’t have to remember what I’ve lost, yet the date on the calendar is a constant reminder. I’d rather feel nothing than the sorrow that wants to swallow me whole. As tears descend my cheeks, I aggressively deliver massive blows to the bag I’m releasing my unspent energy on. Even with taped knuckles, my hands ache with each repeated blow. Determined to escape my own mind, I lower my chin, ignoring every sting of pain.

Using the gym was the only way I’ve learned to help release my inner pain. Typical of most nights, I’m struggling with the waves of torment that consume my mind. With every swing and music blaring in my ears, I’m pushing the images out of my head the best I can. The boy who stole my heart had left me with more than just memories. My life forever changed, and the physical and emotional scars are all I have left of him.

Please. (Punch)

Let. (Punch)

Me. (Punch)

Move. (Punch)

On. (Punch)

My mind’s spinning, my stomach’s churning, and my brain is urging me to hit the bag harder each time. My heart is betraying me, reminding me of his baby blues I’ve never been able to forget. Letting Micah in was as natural as breathing, letting him go was damn near impossible.

All I see are his eyes. (Punch)

All I hear are his cries. (Punch)

All I remember was being forced to do something I’ll never forget. (Punch…Punch…Punch)

Standing in the shower, I lower my head and absorb the hot water as it pierces my skin. I embrace the sheer sting for it allows me to escape one pain to seek comfort in another.

I need to make it through this night. Just need to keep it together for a few more hours, the day is drawing to a close. Breathe; I’ve nearly survived yet another anniversary.

TOSSING AND TURNING, sleep is evading me, it’s always on this precise date. April 5th is a date forever seared into my brain and stamped in my heart. The hardest of times is at night alone in my bed, it’s the time my mind drifts back…remembering like it was only yesterday. The harder I try to leave the past behind me, the more something takes me back to high school. Back, to the day a tall, brown hair, blue-eyed boy transferred to Kennedy High School, stealing my breath from that very first glance.

Sophomore year started out like any other until a new student from San Diego, California moved here. I was fortunate because I ended up having four classes with him. All of my time spent studying instead of going to parties has paid off. I was ahead in a few subjects while our newest student was behind in others. He was two years older and needed to complete a few core subjects he had not taken at his other school.

Each class, I sat wide-eyed, drooling at his good looks. When he introduced himself to the class, every girl admired his presence. I noticed him the minute he walked into the classroom with his rosy cheeks. He walked with an aura of confidence, not a bit timid. The moment he strolled in, a few eyebrows rose, and conversations halted midstream.

He had a lovely bronze color to his skin. One you would expect to get from living in sunny California. It was a nice change from our white, pale faces. His vibrant brown hair had light blond streaks, but damn, it was his eyes that halted my breath. Micah’s sparkling baby blues vastly contrast with his dark brown eyelashes. They simply command your attention. The minute he announced he liked to surf was not a total shock. His body screamed ‘surfer dude.’

I lost all rational thoughts while keeping my gaze on him, and the minute he spoke, his voice damn near had me falling out of my seat. His eyes danced around the room until our gazes met, locking onto each other before he lowered his eyes, breaking our connection. The minute his eyes left mine, my breaths halted, and my pulse raced. My eyes however, never moved.

“My name is Micah Taylor, I’m from San Diego, California. Not much to say, my parents moved here for work. I have a younger brother, Matt. I love to surf, read literature and have a good time.”

Right then someone shouted, “You mean you used to love to surf, not happening here in Iowa.”

The class laughed as Micah responded with a friendly nod of his head. My eyes devoured every inch of him with every word he spoke. It was the obnoxiously loud giggle that echoed in the room that killed my moment. No need to turn around, because sadly, I knew who it was. Sarah Sloan, also known as The Golden Beauty, was like a cat in heat. No mistaking her outburst, she was anything but subtle. Micah sure seemed taken by it, too. The goofy smile I had plastered on my face since I first noticed him, fell away as they shared a lovely smile. Great!

Not paying any attention to the rest of the class, I kept staring at the back of his head. He was seated a few rows ahead, and it saddened me. I could see the writing on the wall. It was the same old story, Sarah and her posse swarmed in and devoured any new guy who transferred to our school. No other girl ever stood a chance. Not with them around.

With every class Micah and I had together, I learned a bit more about him. His brother Matt was three years younger, and his parents Skylar and Dave Taylor work for a large marketing firm located here in Cedar Rapids. The McIntosh Group was a big deal around here. The second he mentioned he moved on the same street as me, I couldn’t help but blush. I happen to chuckle when I learned the large corner stone house at the end of my block is now where Micah called home.

Shaking my head, I wiped the stray tear as I remembered my first day with him. Stumbling out of bed, I realize I won’t be able to sleep anytime soon, so I might as well read. It’s my one true escape. Only two pages in, my mind wanders back to the first conversation I ever had with Micah. A faint smile spreads across my face. It’s nice to remember him with a smile instead of tears.

“Now, what’s so funny?” Micah whispered leaning closer to me. I never noticed he left the front of the class to sit down next to me. How did that happen?

I had to admit I was on cloud nine the minute he mentioned where he lived. I know that house, well.

Crap, did I laugh out loud and not realize it? To my embarrassment, I must have. Turning my head his way, I felt my cheeks flush, and my heart race. Opening my mouth though, words just spill out.

“Oh, I was just thinking about what you said,” shaking away my nerves, I unwittingly groan. “I learn more about you with every class we have together.” Needing to break the look he’s giving me, I lower my gaze to the floor. His eyes are intense, like they can read my every thought, intense.

It’s as if he has this magnetic pull on me, because my eyes automatically drift back to his. Once again, his insane baby blues dare me.

“Oh yeah? Come on, don’t hold out on me. You’re my only friend here, what had you laughing?” He continues to stare at me, but now he unleashes his sexy grin.

Friend? His sideways smirk only amplifies his hotness. It’s not an innocent smile either, nope, it’s a panty melting smile. Dimples and all.

The effect he is having on me is utterly impossible for me to comprehend. Flustered doesn’t even begin to describe it. I’m anxiously trying to find my voice, while I nervously bite the inside of my cheek.