My hands hide my face as my voice catches in my throat. “I don’t understand why I’m crying, why I can’t…forget.” I’m so desperate to get over my past, I beg Nick. “Please, forgive me, help me to forget him.”

“Hey,” letting out a staggered sigh to calm himself, he cups my hands in his. “I knew this might happen. It’s okay El, I prepared myself just in case.” I gasp and widen my eyes horrified.

“What?”

“Just tell me one thing,” he moves closer so we are nose to nose. “Do you want me, Elsa?” The obvious pain in his eyes melts me to my core. We are both hurting. I want Nick, but as much as that is true, it does not stop my brain from remembering…him.

I’m abruptly feeling the need to sit down as a wave of light-headedness overwhelms me. With a few calming breaths, I can’t help but feel ashamed. “I do, please believe me when I say I do.” The moment feels like a bucket of cold water put the flames out. I can’t help shaking my head repeatedly as my voice cracks with each tear that falls. “I should have known this wouldn’t work out.”

Bending forward, Nick wipes away my tears. “Oh, it will work. I’m not stopping. You want me and I need to make you forget him. I need you to realize how good it can be between us. Let me love you, El. Let me be your new beginning, it’s time to let him go…for good.”

That pretty much sealed it for me. He’s right, I need him as much as I want him. It’s time for a new beginning. It’s time I moved on from Micah.

With a flutter in my stomach, I’m hyper-aware of the tingling sensations running rampant when our eyes lock onto one another. As I affectionately, reach out to touch his cheek, he leans in and seals his lips to mine, unleashing all of his warmth and sweetness. His plump lips are all-consuming, and before I know it, his hands wrap around me. Slowly laying me back on my bed, he sits, slowly stripping himself of his shirt. Seeing him this way and knowing what’s about to happen, my fingers flex, begging to touch the trail of hair that runs down his chest, dipping below his jeans. My fingertips trace downward to unsnap his jeans. The slight moan that escapes my lips seems to spur him on, lifting his hips into my eager hands.

“Sweet Jesus El, I’ve wanted you to touch me like this for so long. I’m afraid I’m going to explode the minute I feel you take me in your hands.” Nick can’t help but cover my hand with his as I lower his zipper sliding into his boxer briefs. He may have expected me to be timid and shy, but I’ve lacked any sexual contact for years, so right now I’m not shy at all, but that does not ease my nervousness.

Not able to contain my utter surprise, I gasp. “Oh shit, Nick, you’re like…big.” I’m so embarrassed. Did I just say that to him?

He belts out a laugh while kissing my neck. “Oh baby, you just wait.”

I swallow loudly, “Okay.”

In no time at all I’m stripped naked, with Nick looming over me in all his glory. He’s quite beautiful. He works out, and it shows. Each muscle is proudly displayed for me to ogle.

“I’m going to take this slow, baby.” I know he is trying to assure me because my body is trembling under him.

My hesitant nod has me feeling like I’m a virgin again. I might as well be since I’ve only had sex once. My other experience was altogether a different situation, I’m not comfortable discussing. Especially not with Nick.

I’m struggling with these memories invading my mind. To push those away, I resort to begging. “Please, I need to feel you.”

He positions himself over me while, gazing into my eyes, and we just pause, staring at one another. I’m not sure what he is searching for, but the look he’s giving me tells me he will make it good, that he is right for me.

“Do you trust me, El?” His emerald eyes implore me.

Not able to find my voice, I simply nod.

“Do you want me?”

I nod again.

“Thank Christ,” he says, with a pant.

Leaning forward, he takes my lips again, bearing his full weight. My arms automatically wrap around him and my legs easily fall open. With the help of his hand, Nick lines himself to my center. Feeling him there, I panic and damn near jump off the bed.

“Hey baby, just feel me. Let go.” Repeating this many times in my ear.

A humming noise escapes my throat.

I’m so excited. I know I’m beyond wet, more like drenched because his erection glides with ease, sliding over my clit with every stroke. Arching my back, he takes advantage and sucks a nipple into his mouth while continuing to torture me with his erection sliding up and down my center. This time, I’m losing it. The stars come out, and I scream his name.

“Holy hell, that was hot.” He’s breathing hard, yet I’m the one who had the over the top orgasm.

Blinking rapidly, I’m gasping for my next breath. “Oh, that was…just wow.”

Each moan escaping his mouth is louder than the last in the process of kissing his way up my neck settling on my lips. “Oh baby, you are in for a surprise. Get ready, Elsa.” Nick says nervously while sliding on a condom. The minute I see the green wrapper, I tense up…terrified. My saving grace this time is I’m on the pill and have been for years. Not that I necessarily needed it, but I’ll be damned if I would allow that to happen to me again. My heart would not survive it.

“You okay?” I’m sure the look on my face is nothing less than horrific.

Blinking rapidly, I whisper, “Yeah, of course. It’s just…you know.”

With a nod of his head, his look tells me he understands exactly what I meant. “Baby, I’ll make sure you’re okay. I know what you’re thinking, I also know you’re on the pill. I’ve seen you take it for years. No worries.”

Having him candidly acknowledge my pill routine, enlightens me to how much he knows about me. Lining himself up, he takes his time, kissing my neck. With my thoughts held hostage, I close my eyes fighting what I’ve been avoiding. I knew whenever I had sex again, Micah would no longer be the only one who would have touched me this way. Deeply, not only in my body, but my soul as well. I’ve kept that part reserved solely for him. Maybe that’s part of my problem.

Nick gently pushes inside as tears escape my eyes. I’ve got so many different emotions swirling in my mind. My sudden panic attack halts my breathing, and I hold onto his arms with an iron grip. Nick continues to push himself into me, an inch at a time.

His body shakes over mine. “Oh shit, Elsa, you’re so tight.”

Those innocent words sink into my mind, cutting me deep. The slight shred of pain coming from him stretching me does nothing compared to the pain that’s tearing my heart in two. Taking every inch of him he has to give, my mind echoes, “Good-bye Micah,” as my tears fall for one final goodbye.

TAKING A QUIET MOMENT to replay my night with Nick, I’m slowly sipping coffee from my favorite mug. My lower body is sore, of course, I knew it would be. Once was not enough for him, he had taken me again before we fell asleep. Emotionally and physically, I’m drained, yet last night was very therapeutic. By allowing Nick in, I’m finally able to let Micah go. I knew it sounded crazy, but to me… it meant everything.

Liza interrupts me when she strolls into the kitchen while sporting the biggest grin possible. I bust out laughing as my tired, weary eyes hit hers.

“Well, well, well… how was it?” Her hushed voice indicates she knew Nick is still here.

Walking by her I bump her shoulder, looking around the corner to see if Nick was in fact still asleep in my room. “Oh, stop it.”

“Should I go wake up sleeping beauty and ask him?” My evil roommate snickers at me.

My cheeks instantly flush. “Hell NO!” I’m shushing her with my hands.

Raising her wicked eyebrow at me, she’s snapping her fingers. “Give me the goods, how was good ole’ Nick in the sack?”