Unfortunately, someone clears their throat behind me and our make out session is cut short.

“Dr. Monroe. You’re up.”

I smirk at her before responding loud enough for only her to hear and drop my eyes down to the bulge beneath my gown. “That I am.”

She shakes her head at me with an amused grin plastered on her face and presses a sweet kiss on my lips. “Knock ‘em dead, good lookin’.”

I don’t know why I thought I could walk away from Chase. I was just so scared. What if he left me too? I loved Ben, but we were practically kids. The feelings I have for Chase run deep, so much that I know if I were to lose him, it would crush me beyond anything I could ever recover from. So, I ran out of the museum, grabbed a cab, and went home. I’d missed my weekly trip to the cemetery the weekend of the wedding, and I had almost forgone it that Sunday too. But, I needed to see them, to be close to them, and let them know I hadn’t forgotten them.

When I exited the freeway, I stopped at a local florist and picked up the lavender flowers that I always brought with me. When I approached their plots, I noticed that the flowers often present were not there. Seemed the whole world was forgetting them. I don’t even know which family member is bringing them. I wonder if my mother ever visits her son-in-law and granddaughter. Or have they all let them go as I’m expected to do?

I sat in the grass and talked to them for a while. I decided to be brave and told them about Chase, about how confused I was. No one answered, no one ever does. However, I heard soft footsteps behind me and turned to see who was approaching. To my shock, it was Belinda. She’d stood off to the side, silently asking if she was interrupting. She made me realize that I didn’t want to be alone, so I waved her over. She’d sat down on the grass, right next to me and took my hand.

“My son is buried in this cemetery too. Not far from here, actually. I think I may have even seen you from time to time but, we are all grieving and tend not to intrude. Today, I thought maybe you could use a little company.” She’d smiled at me, and squeezed my hand.

I don’t know how she knew, I was grateful though. “I know it’s silly, but I like to talk to them.”

“It’s not silly, we all grieve in our own way. That’s a big part of what our group is for, to help us find that outlet, but also to see that others have the same struggle.” She’d shrugged and looked off into the distance. “I write letters. I’ve written a letter to Jesse for each year he should have had of his life, well, I’ve only reached age twenty, but I’ll get to the rest. He wanted to be a rock star you know, even at age four, he carried around that little guitar from the video game. So, I write letters to the adult rock star and imagine who he would have been. What his life would have been like. I imagine the name Jesse Kingston on billboards and magazines.”

She’d laughed, and looked at me with a spark in her eyes. “Even if he would have been a gym teacher in reality, I can imagine he has everything he ever wanted. Its helps me to find peace, believing in him. It’s how I cope.”

I could understand her thought process, just as so many things that I would have done with Sarah are hard for me to do now, without her. “Do you believe they would want us to find happiness without them? I don’t want them to ever feel like they are forgotten.”

Belinda had let out a sigh and used her free hand to play with the grass. “I don’t know, Tori. But, I’d like to think Jesse imagines a life for me, just as I do for him. So, while I struggle to go on without him, I strive for the things I want because I feel like that is the best way to always remember him.”

My mind had become even more clouded, all of my convictions mixed with new ideas and emotions. I had begun to feel overwhelmed. Belinda had put an arm around me and it felt so good that I didn’t recoil from the touch as I would have in the past. She’d whispered her goodbyes and got up to leave.

I stared at my family for a little while longer, but when I left, I was even more confused. I decided I needed one less complication fogging up my brain, I needed my orderly life to try and wade through the mess I’d created. I avoided Chase, using any excuse not to see or talk to him. It was a cowardly move and I was definitely up for an academy award for best bitch.

It didn’t get any better, instead, my life began to truly fall apart. I couldn’t concentrate, I couldn’t sleep, and I had no appetite. I’d spent almost every night with Chase since before we’d even made love. Apparently, I’d fallen victim to the same addiction and I needed him beside me at night and in the morning.

I’d made up my mind to go to him, to tell him I loved him. I was starting to believe that Ben and Sarah would want me to find love again, to be happy. When I got his call, I was so scared I almost lost it, but it was clear that it was my turn to be the strong one.

Now, I’m watching him up on that stage, the brilliant professor speaking about achieving a future. The one you want. Working for it and never giving up on your dreams. He’s mesmerizing and I can see why students love him. I’m sure the girls spend his class drooling over him, but even so, they’ll learn, but Chase would never have it be otherwise.

After his speech, the crowd roars with approval, all the graduates clapping and stomping. Chase’s grin is a little goofy as he steps down from the stage, proud, but also bashful. It’s adorable. When he sees me, his grin becomes a full blown smile, one I only ever see when he looks at me. The only problem with that sinful smile is that I don’t have an extra pair of panties with me. Not that it would matter, I’d need to change those the next time he looked at me anyway.

They begin calling out names and when Chase reaches my side, he glances at his watch, grabs my wrist, and pulls me out into the hallway. “We’ve got at least forty-five minutes. It should be plenty,” he mumbles distractedly, towing me behind him. He pokes his head through a door, and evidently finding what he’s looking for, he yanks me inside. This is followed by the slamming of the door and flipping of the lock. We’re in a lecture hall, curved rows of chairs ascending to the back wall, all facing a single desk and blackboard.

He’s pulling me toward the desk, and I’m still trying to figure out what the hell is going on. “Chase, what are we—” He cuts off my question with his mouth slamming down on mine.

“I’ve wanted to fuck you on a desk in a classroom since the first time I saw you in your naughty librarian outfit,” he says with a growl. His hands are already busy trying to remove my clothes, while I slap them away, protesting.

“We can’t! What if someone sees us?”

He has somehow successfully unbuttoned my top. “Everyone’s at graduation, baby. Plus, I locked the door.” There goes my bra. “Now, be an obedient student and do what Dr. Monroe says.”

He gives me quite a test over the next thirty minutes, then announces I get an A+.

Chase is holding my hand, his thumb rubbing softly on the skin as we walk into a little house where a reception is being held for one of his students. The sweet gesture isn’t calming my nerves. I’m about to meet his best friend, whose mother is throwing the party, and his family. What if they hate me, I mean if they’ve heard of me. I have a reputation for being the queen bee bitch. I look down and wonder if my pink sundress is too casual, but then I remember Chase is in jeans and a button down shirt. No, I’m dressed okay. I think.

We step inside the door and I smooth my hair back into a ponytail—nice and neat—and paste a pleasant smile on my face. Chase gets one look at me and starts laughing. Then he reaches over, grabs the elastic band and yanks it from my hair. He threads his fingers through the strands and messes it all up. “Chase!” I hiss. “I want to look presentable.”