“I understand,” I said, nodding. “It’s a lot to worry about. And Sabrina...well, she’s scary.” My mother chuckled as I thumbed my ring, thinking of Jayden. Seeing my mother like this, missing her husband, made none of the fights Jayden and I were having seem important. I quickly excused myself to the bathroom and checked my phone. I saw Jayden’s response to my text from earlier this morning.

Jayden: Everything all right?

Me: Everything’s fine. I’m going to stay here for the weekend.

Jayden: Okay.

Me: I love you.

No response had me sighing heavily. He was shutting down on me. I quickly had to tell him my absence had nothing to do with our problems.

Me: I need to be here, today was bad for her.

I dialed his number and my heart sank when he didn’t answer. He wasn’t going to believe me and two more unanswered texts told me he was no longer listening.

I cursed him for that. At a time when I needed to handle my mother with gentle gloves, my husband was too impatient to understand or even give me the time of day to explain. I was furious by the time he answered me.

Jayden: I’ll make this right.

In that moment, a part of me wanted to give up.

He wasn’t listening and my absence now, at the worst possible time, only convinced him even more that I still had one foot out the door. I’d never shut him out before the way I had, and I understood why he was hesitant to believe me. He’d never had a relationship last beyond his ADHD. And as determined as ever, I knew I would be the first, even if I was emotionally drained. I needed to recharge and my mother needed me, so I left the battle alone until I was ready to face it.

And then I didn’t hear from him the next day or the next. I called and texted and got nothing. He was shutting me out again.

Me: Talk to me, please. I’m here to be with my mother. She needs me. How selfish can you be?

Nothing.

“Is that Jayden?” my mother asked, knowing full well who I was texting after day two.

“Yeah,” I said quickly, not wanting to add any more drama to the situation we were currently handling. My mother was still letting her emotions takeover, which I encouraged. She’d bottled them up for too long.

“I love the way you look at him. It’s so refreshing,” she murmured as she stirred a pot of chicken and dumplings.

“How do I look at him, Mom?” I asked, clinging to every positive thing I could in regards to my marriage.

She turned to look at me curiously. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Really nothing I wasn’t expecting,” I offered quickly, mixing the biscuits for her to drop in the boiling pot by the spoonful.

“With marriage, don’t expect anything. That way you’ll be surprised by everything.” She winked. “But this isn’t a good thing, is it?” I shook my head no.

“You ever hear the saying that the perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other?”

“No.”

“Now you have,” she said with a chuckle. “You two will be fine. You know how I’m sure?”

I looked up at her with glossy eyes, trying my best to believe her.

“Because of the way you look at your husband.”

****

I fought through the workday the next day, trying not to call him. I was originally going to go home last night, but was still furious about his inability to answer me. If I wanted things to work, I couldn’t go home ready to blow up. Pride would have to be wiped away in lieu of unconditional love. That was my biggest lesson to learn, and I was still having trouble swallowing it.

The truth was simple: I had to prove my love to him by sticking around. But in the meantime, I could come back to my marriage by being the woman he proposed to. And that night, I had every intention of being the doting wife.

I walked through our front door with groceries in hand and smiled when I saw Jayden on the couch. Trip began leaping in front of me and knocked a bag out of my hand.

“Damn it, Trip. Chill out,” I bitched as I hit the floor, pulling the groceries back to me to put them in the bag. “Don’t help or anything, babe. I’ve got this,” I said, laughing as Trip laid a wet one across my jaw.

Still on my knees, I looked up to meet Jayden’s eyes. He was staring off into space as I addressed him again. “Hey, babe. Earth to Jayden. Wife, horny dog, groceries...help,” I chuckled as he sat perfectly still.

“Jayden?” I questioned, feeling a sudden and horrible nagging pain in my chest. I listened for a second and realized there was no music playing. There were no candles lit and the apartment was a total mess. Papers were scattered all around him and he had all of his coffee mugs on the table. “What’s wrong?”

His eyes slowly turned to me, completely out of focus. “Jayden, baby, what’s wrong?”

He opened his mouth to speak and when nothing came out his eyes watered. I raced to his side. “What is it? Tell me, please. You are scaring me.”

“Something’s wrong,” he said in a deep slur. “Something’s wrong call...help.”

Without hesitation, I ran and grabbed my cell from the purse.

“Who, baby? Who? Dr. Sawyer?” Panic shot through my every nerve and suddenly everything was heavy. My legs, my arms, all of it seemed to stop obeying my command. Dread coursed through me with his next words.

“No,” he said as his face crumbled and tears streamed down his cheeks. Jayden’s mouth opened again as if he were trying to scream, but no sound came out. A small amount of spittle accompanied his next words. “Help.”

“Oh, God, baby, what did you do!?”

I dialed 911 as I watched Jayden fall apart in front of my eyes. When the operator answered, I was in full panic mode. “Please help me! I think my husband may have overdosed on medication.” The shrieking voice coming out of me was not my own. “Jayden, what did you take?” I begged as he spaced out again. Shaking him back into reality, he looked back at me but might as well have been a million miles away.

I looked down at the scattered papers and saw every single one started with my name.

“Miss, are you there?” My welling eyes lifted to my husband, who was completely lost. I’d never felt so much pain as I had in that moment.

“Lithium?” I asked, thinking of the only medication I could remember.

Jayden nodded and his face twisted again as if he were in pain. He picked up his hand as if he wanted to grip the top of his head but couldn’t get it there. I grabbed it and held it to my chest. “Jayden,” I whispered hoarsely as he tried to focus on me.

“Ma’am, are you there?” I heard the operator ask in the distance. “Ma’am, keep him as alert as possible. Try not to let him fall asleep.”

“He took lithium,” I told her. “He took lithium.”

“Okay, get the bottle and present it to the medics when they arrive. Just hang on. They are four minutes out. I take it this is a new medication?”

Looking at Jayden’s vacant eyes, my strength wavered. “He just started,” I sobbed. “He just started for me,” I admitted as my love tried to close his eyes. “Stay awake,” I shook him hard. “Stay awake.”

“I’m sorry,” he slurred as he looked at me before blankly averting his eyes to Trip.

The next hour was a blur of activity as the medics came in to check his pulse, and take inventory of his medications, before they rolled him out of our apartment. The ride in the ambulance and then the wait outside of the ER while he was worked on was complete agony as I thought about the last text I sent to him. I’d called him selfish, only to realize too late that his choice to medicate was the epitome of selflessness. He loved me enough to do the one thing he swore he would never do.