He was worth it. The heartache was worth it. The headache was worth it. And the payoff of being Mrs. Jayden Monroe was worth it.

I’d vowed long ago to be ADHD’s greatest adversary, and now that I was armed with more knowledge of what it really was, it was time to suit up and fight. With all the answers I didn’t realize I needed swirling around in my head, I mentally traded in my doubts for boxing gloves. This was my life, this was the hard truth of the conscious decision I’d made of being with Jayden Monroe.

But the real battle belonged to my husband. I was the partner of ADHD. But Jayden was ADHD. That alone shortened my pity party and filled me with renewed strength. His fight was a lot harder than mine and when he was tired, I would have to lift my gloves to help him.

And from what I’d already experienced, I knew I’d better be ready. And for Jayden, I would be.

 

 

Arriving home that day, I’d been prepared to try to talk things out with Jayden if he was receptive. I walked in to a blaring Sail by Awolnation and froze as I stood in the doorway, listening to the words. This was definitely frustration and anger. The song’s lyrics gutted me as I put my purse down to find Jayden. I heard a sharp exhale coming from the bedroom and made my way to the door. My tongue thickened when I spotted Jayden on the floor doing sit ups in his boxers. His body was glistening with sweat as he pushed himself. He glanced up at me but didn’t stop his vigorous workout.

“Hi,” I said, taking a step into the room as the music coursed through me. “Nice song choice. Are you trying to tell me something?”

He continued his exertion as I studied his perfection. My pulse kicked as I saw his muscles flex with each lift of his upper body. I was trying in vain to discard my budding arousal, because frankly it was not the time, but it had been weeks and he looked like a welcomed tsunami in the desert. Without invitation, I sat on his feet and braced his knees, the way I often did when he worked out at home. He paused in between his next lift as he glanced at me warily.

“So now I exist?” he huffed, resuming his pace.

“Don’t,” I pleaded as I watched his face twist with the energy he expelled.

“Don’t what?” he questioned harshly as he avoided my eyes.

“I was hoping we could talk,” I said.

“About what?” he pushed out angrily.

“Us,” I said, wrapping my arms around his knees and myself further around him.

“What us? Oh, the us you forbid me not to let go of and then turned around and abandoned yourself?” He pulled his feet from under me, leaving me on the floor, and made his way into the bathroom.

“Jayden, I’m sorry I’ve been so distant. I’ve just been working things out in my head.”

He paused in the doorway and looked back at me as if he didn’t want to believe me. “It happens this exact same way every time.”

I pulled myself off the floor, confused until realization dawned. “Don’t categorize me with them,” I said behind Jayden as he started the shower.

“Why not?” he said, turning to look back at me as he dropped his shorts. “In order to be different baby, you kind of have to act different. Besides my mother, you were the only woman in my life that never made me feel disposable.”

I let the sting run its course.

I blinked my tears away, becoming more frustrated by the second. “So there’s no room for error on my part at all? You are the one who gets to fuck up and be forgiven, but I have to be a saint?”

He expelled a breath and looked at me with remorse. “Can we just not do this today? Call Gerri and go spend some time with her. I’m going out with the guys for a few hours.” He got into the shower and closed the curtain as I stood there, feeling the space between us widen unbearably. I stripped off my clothes and got into the shower behind him as he shampooed his hair. I stood in the back, coveting his muscled back and beautiful wet skin as he braced himself against the steady stream.

God, he was beautiful. When he turned around and saw me, he didn’t look surprised. His eyes raked my naked body and I felt the pull like I always did, but stood still.

He smirked as he caught my heated eyes taking him in. “You know, lately when you look at me, I don’t know what you’re thinking anymore. But right now, I can read your thoughts loud and clear.” He took a step forward as my breathing picked up. The muscle between his legs began to get hard and brushed up against my stomach as he placed his hands on the tile on either side of my face. “We’ve always been good at this, haven’t we?” he whispered an inch from my lips, his heated eyes searing into mine. “I could lift your leg right now and slide into you knowing you’d be ready and I’d fit perfectly,” he murmured as his breath hit my skin. His lashes lowered as he took in the rapid rise and fall of my chest. “Fill you over and over again, and make you scream my name as you come.” He gripped his length and began to stroke it as he leaned into my ear and whispered, “I can already taste you on my tongue, feel your thighs shake around me.” He pulled back, letting himself go.

Seduced and thoroughly ready, I reached for him but he stopped me.

“Please touch me,” I begged.

“I can’t.”

“I’m just trying to love you the best way I know how,” I pleaded.

His face twisted in hurt as his eyes bore into mine. “Aren’t you the one who said it was easy to love me?” he reminded me, taking another step back beneath the water, his eyes still glued to mine.

I bit my lip as tears threatened. He was punishing me for my distance.

He was being a bastard.

“It is,” I said carefully.

“Then why do you have to try?”

“Do you want me to give up?” I asked, desperate. “What do you want, Jayden?”

He didn’t hesitate with his answer. “I want my wife back.” I nodded, knowing he was right. Our connection far exceeded sex and we wouldn’t be doing each other any favors giving into our urges. It wouldn’t solve anything. Braving the truth of my adventure today, I braced myself as I confessed.

“I saw Dr. Sawyer today.” Jayden’s face contorted slightly in confusion before he smiled ironically with a nod. “Good, I’m glad.”

“You aren’t angry?” I said both confused and relieved.

“No, did you expect me to be?” I shrugged as he looked at me curiously.

“He didn’t discuss your private thoughts or anything like that. It was for me.”

“I get it,” he muttered, turning back around to lather his body with soap and water.

“I wanted so much to understand what you go through. And...I mean, he really helped...explained a lot. I had no idea how hard it was for you, Jayden. I just wish you would have told me.”

“What about you?” he asked, his voice slightly cold. “Did you tell him how hard it is for you?” I nodded as my lips quivered with the emotion threatening to burst out of me. Jayden pulled me under the water with him, but still kept his distance. I pushed up on my toes to kiss the divot in his chin and he allowed it, along with my move to leave a slow kiss on his lips.

“Your wife is right here,” I offered as I held my heart out to him.

“I’m late,” he said, running his fingers through my wet hair before making a quick escape out of the shower.

Me and my unclaimed heart finished our shower and watched as our husband made his way out the front door to escape us both.

Hours later in bed, I smelled the vodka before I felt the sweet and gentle kiss on my lips. I was just about to return it and throw my arms around his neck when I heard Jordan whisper from our bedroom doorway.