A deep sob echoed through the air, and it was only then that I realized I’d been holding my breath. Watching Josh open up and hearing him speak of Ky and his fears shredded my heart. I never knew it was that bad. The color in Josh’s face drained as he spoke of what I knew were dark days for the Crawford family.

His words hit me full force. A sledgehammer of promises that hinted at what I had secretly always wanted. Hearing him say that we could have had that five years ago caused my throat to close and my palms to sweat.

I sat back and moved to the other end of the couch. “I had no idea.” I whispered, trying my hardest to breathe and not succumb to shock. “I wish you didn’t have to go through that on your own. We could have helped him together. I could have been there for you, by your side, like I always wanted to be. That’s all I have ever wanted—to be with you, for you to be mine. You weren’t the only one who was changed by that night. It felt like you made me a woman, and I wanted to be yours. None of the past five years had to happen. Lachlan, Sadie, the women, the heartbreak. None of it. We could have been together.”

My words came out panicked, and I started to shake.

“Ashy, come here,” he said softly.

I shook my head as everything crashed within me, and I pulled away further.

“You and I could have had everything, and I could have given Ky just as much friendship as I did. I have lived the past five years thinking that I was a one-night stand; that the best night of my life was just a regular night to you. What you did for Ky is one of the most beautiful things I have ever heard. It’s making my tummy flutter, and makes me want to swoon and kiss you so hard. But I can’t help thinking about what we have lost, what we could have been.”

“We can be, Ashlyn. No one has ever compared to you, and no one ever will. You tempt me—not just with your body and mind, but with the possibilities of a life that involves you, me, a house, a puppy, and children. You tempt me with the thought of a happily-ever-after. Ashlyn, when have I ever thought of a happily-ever-after? You tempt me with a life of just you. You, Ashlyn, only you.”

Every thought I had, and every opinion that was mine was destroyed in that moment. It was like being told you were beautiful for the very first time. This was Josh at his most vulnerable.

“My heart has only ever been yours, Ashy.”

As he stared at me with eyes begging to give him what he wanted, I was transported into memories of the past five years. All I saw was us. Every time I pushed him away, he always came back, and through every heartbreak and soaring high in my life, he was there to pick up the pieces or congratulate me. Every man I met I compared to him, and every woman I saw him with, I was jealous of.

But we could have bypassed all of that. We could have had all this for five years. What had we lost? What would we never get back?

“I think I just need to be alone tonight,” I whispered, my emotions on the verge of exploding into shards of confusion.

“Don’t push me away, Ashlyn.”

“Please, Josh. I need to get my head around everything. This is huge. I’m trying to understand and process everything.”

I stood from the couch and collected the plates we used for dinner, then walked into kitchen. Some distance between Josh and I was the best thing that could happen right now. The likelihood that I’d get lost in all that he encompassed if I stayed close to him was sky high, and I needed time to work out everything I had learned.

“Ashy.”

I turned toward where his voice was coming from, but my feet suddenly felt like they were cemented to the floor, halting any possible escape plans. My hand felt his heat as he lifted it and wove our fingers together. The feeling of my hand being encased with his and his body so close to mine altered my ability to comprehend anything, and my breath at that moment chose to flee. My tentative gaze dropped to our hands, which fit so perfectly, and it felt like I was living in a world of slow motion when his thumb delicately ran over my skin.

“You’ve got to breathe, Ashy.” His voice spoke so low, and it caused my stomach to flutter. “Be mine today, tomorrow, and forever, because we both know that we are the only ones for one another. I’m going to give you the space you need tonight, but I won’t stay away for long.”

I stood frozen, letting his words penetrate my heart while taunting my mind, as he walked out of the kitchen, through the living room, and to the door. With one last look over his shoulder, he stepped through the door and disappeared, then I headed straight for my wine.

I paced my apartment with a glass of wine swinging in my hand as I got lost in a torrent of Josh Crawford. What did I want? Could I move past this? Tonight had been everything I wanted, but it was the shock of his admission that freaked me out. Now I was heading for a night in, with too much wine and an impending hangover.

He called me his girl.

I could have been his girl for five years. He could have been my guy for five years. Why didn’t I fight for him back then? Why didn’t I question him? Why didn’t I call him out? Because of my own damn insecurities, that’s why. I was a virgin who got laid by the hottest guy she’d ever seen. I was friend zoned and thought I was a one-night stand, and I dealt with it. I wanted him in my life however I could get him. And now, he was telling me everything I had always wanted to hear. Talk about a mind fuck of epic proportions.

There was no one else like Josh Crawford. Every time I pushed him away, he’d come back. He always opened his arms to me and pulled me against his chest, then played with my hair and found a way to make me laugh and forget everything. He woke me up and made me look at life in color instead of black and white. He was my rainbow on the gloomiest of days, but I had still asked him to leave? Seriously, what the hell was wrong with me?

I poured myself another glass of wine and stumbled toward the bathroom. Hopefully a bath would help pull me out of my pity party for one. After filling the bath with bubbles, I sunk into the hot water and my eyes fluttered shut. Every memory that flashed in my mind included Josh. All I could see and imagine was his soft touch, his intense gaze, his addictive warmth, and more than anything, his beautifully-crafted words of promise and second chances. I was in deep.

The thought alone made me take a big go at my wine.

I needed girl time.

I grabbed my phone, and somehow was able to tap in a message to Eden, asking her to come over. How I didn’t drop it in the bath was anyone’s guess.

As the warmth of the bath started to fade, I heard my front door open and soon Eden’s voice was floating through my apartment. “Ashlyn, where are you?”

“Bathroom,” I replied.

Seconds later, the bathroom door pushed open and Eden appeared. Her eyes shot wide as she took me in. I must have looked like a hot mess, because I was quickly on my way to drunkville, population one.

“Are you okay?” She placed her clutch on the sink, then put down the toilet seat lid and sat.

“I’m drowning my sorrows,” I mumbled and waved around my now-empty wine glass.

Worry flashed across her face. “What happened? Has Lachlan done something?”

I burst out laughing at her assumptions. Lachlan was always doing something. He was like an annoying wart that wouldn’t drop off, always making itself known at the worst possible time. But for once, it had nothing to do with him. I rose from the bath, not even caring that I was buck naked with bubbles barely covering my lady bits. With an unsteady foot, I stepped out onto the tiled floor. Eden stood and wrapped a towel around me, then helped me stand in one spot.

“I need to shower to get the bubbles off. Sit on the toilet. We need girl chats.” I pointed to the toilet and shrugged off the towel, allowing it to fall to the floor.