“Well when I get in to Columbia, you have to show me around! Do you promise?”

“If you get in to Columbia, I’ll take you out dancing some night if you really insist. It’s bad for my

reputation to hang out with my geeky kid brother too much…”

“I’m only a couple of months younger than you are,” he laughed, “and I’ll make sure you keep your

promise.”

I dreaded the day that David would come to New York. My feelings for him hadn’t disappeared, even if

I’d fucked a hundred guys since I moved out. With all those strange guys I sometimes felt like a kid in a

candy store where you can eat so much until you get sick. But I could never get sick of David. No matter

how many guys I’d fuck in their own dorm rooms or shabby apartments, I never fell in love. Nor did I

even like most of the guys I dated. In my mind there was only my annoyingly perfect stepbrother with his

dark curls and the sweetest eyes. He was the one that kept me awake at night while I came home after a

night of mindless sex. I was afraid that I’d never find someone who I’d want, as much as I wanted him.

7. David in New York

When David graduated from high school a few months later, the celebration was a lot more modest than

it had been for me. Instead of a big party we just went to a restaurant with our family. David was happy

though and that evening my dad was actually really nice to him. I guess he was a little proud of him after

all. David got his acceptance letter as well and after the summer vacation he started studying law at

Columbia too. He moved to New York with all his stuff and started living at Morningside Heights at the

dormitories as well. He made a couple of new friends fast; most were pretty geeky like him and they

played computer games together or hung out at ‘Forbidden Planet’ to browse through comics. Sometimes I

went with them to see a science fiction movie but David and I didn’t really see much of each other the

first couple of months.

When he called me to hang out I always told him I was busy studying or doing something else, even

when I wasn’t. The truth was that I still didn’t trust myself to around him much. Just seeing him during his

graduation had been enough to make my heart start racing. I thought about him each time I was with

another guy; it just wasn’t healthy.

“I know that you’re studying, but can’t we study together like we did in high school?” he asked me

when he called me to hang out.

“It’s too distracting, I need to be on my own,” I replied.

“You could always study at home when I was around. Do you remember all those times we studied in

your room together?” he asked disappointed. I remembered those times all too well. I used to study him

more than I did my books, watching him while he was reading on my bed, wearing his tiny shorts. Trying

to focus on history while part of his perfect ass was peeking out while he rested on his elbows to read.

“That was in high school, everything was easy then. I really need to focus now,” I said. It was kind of

true; I really couldn’t study that well with him around me. I had a paper due on international law and

foreign politics, which needed my full attention.

“But I thought we could hang out and talk a little more, and besides you promised to take me out when I

was in New York. I’ve been here for months now and we haven’t gone out a single time.”

“No I’m too busy this week,” I said resolutely.

“Are you sure?” he asked almost pleading, “Do you want to go out and grab a bite afterwards or go to

the movies when you are done studying?”

“Another time all right?”

“How come you never have time when I ask you to hang out but you go out to clubs three times a

week?”

“It’s none of your business how often I go out. I told you that I have to study this week. So get a life

David and do something on your own.”

“Fine,” he just said and hung up.

I felt guilty about not wanting to hang out with David, but at least I knew that he wasn’t lonely. There

were lots of other people who he could hang out with. He got invitations to parties and some of the other

students were constantly asking him to go out with them.

I did go out later that night, and ended up at a stupid drunken frat party. Some guy in my year had invited

me there for some free booze and I ended up in the middle of a room with lots of scarcely dressed

drunken girls and some boring jocks. Luckily someone came to my rescue; a tall very handsome darkhaired

guy handed me a beer and asked me if I wanted to escape with him to a better party. It turned out

that this guy would become my best friend.

“I’m Glenn,” he told me as he shook my hand. I thought I recognized him and it turned out that he was a

studying law as well, officially one year above mine. His eyes were hypnotizing, so dark that they seemed

black with the longest, blackest eye lashes that I’d ever seen on a guy and a very intense look.

“So what are you doing at this miserable excuse for a party?” he asked me loudly to overcome the

mainstream rap that was playing.

“I came for the free beer, but that was clearly a mistake,” I laughed.

“I know this club where they have the hottest go-go boys,” he said with a wicked smile. I had no idea if

he was testing me or if he actually already knew that I was gay.

“Let’s just go there then, the night is still young,” I said and together we left.

We ended up on West 57th Street, in a club where Drag Queens and Chelsea boys alike congregated to

dance and find someone cute to fuck. The music they played was not exactly my taste. However, Glenn

had been right about the boys. New York’s finest go-go dancers took turns on the platforms, tirelessly

working to entertain the crowd. And there were enough pretty boys on the dance floor for the both of us to

have fun with. I enjoyed this evening a lot more than all the times I’d gone out on my own. Glenn was

wickedly funny and he was very generous with buying drinks. By the end of the evening, we’d both picked

up a guy to go home with and we went our separate ways, only to make new plans for going out the next

evening.

A week after we’d met, we’d already seen each other three times and I couldn’t remember having such

a good time with anyone. It’s not like we were falling in love with each other. I was definitely not

Glenn’s type, he liked his guys dark-haired and small and he wasn’t the type of guy I could fall in love

with either.

Although we were both students, we always found the funds to go out. Glenn was living in luxury. His

wealthy parents rented him an apartment near Central Park. His dad, who was a Jewish cardiologist,

thought that Glenn was studying all the time and praised him for his efforts. In fact, there was no student

that I knew who partied harder than Glenn. And now I would accompany him at least two nights per

week.

When we went out, Glenn would pick someone up almost every night, but as the months progressed, I

was becoming pickier fast. The first couple of months of promiscuity had made it clear to me that I only

seemed to pick up guys who annoyed me in the morning. There was still only one person I wanted, even

though I took every precaution to avoid him.

While David was happy in his dorm with his new friends, I didn’t like my own dorm at all. I wished I

could rent my own place like Glenn did and after a couple of months I was able to find a small apartment

through the Off-Campus Housing Assistance. My dad helped me by paying the rent and even came over

for a couple of days to help me move my stuff together with David.