wishes’. On the back he’d had just written “Happy Birthday. I love you, David.”
When I unwrapped the bottle it turned out to be a very nice twelve-year-old bottle of ‘Highland Park’
single malt whisky. We’d been secretly drinking this out of my dad’s stash since we were sixteen and both
loved it.
“Shall we try it?” I asked him and he smiled. I walked to the kitchen to get two glasses.
While we started drinking we ordered Chinese food since we both hadn’t eaten yet. When the food
finally arrived, we were both finishing our third glass and the alcohol on my empty stomach made me feel
tipsy. By the time the food was gone I was really starting to feel intoxicated. I thought David must have
been feeling the same way because he was really babbling away about his university classes and new
friends. Then he put his hand on my arm and looked me straight in the eye.
“I missed you over the past few weeks,” he said. “Well not just the past few weeks, even longer. Since
you moved here it seems were not that close anymore.”
“I missed you too,” I said and my voice was suddenly sounding hoarse. I poured myself another drink to
get the dry feeling out of my mouth. I passed the bottle to David who poured himself another drink too.
He looked at my intensely when he took the first sip out of the glass.
“We should see more of each other,” he said.
“We will,” I replied.
“Promise me,” he smiled.
“I promise,” I said uncomfortably.
He reached out and ran his hand past my cheek. He looked at me as if he wanted to say something
important but had difficulty finding the right words.
“Do you want to watch a movie?” I asked him to cut the subject. “I’ve got this really bad Asian horror
movie a friend borrowed me.”
“Sure,” he said.
I got up to put the DVD in the DVD player and then we both sagged down on my old couch together with
the bottle of whisky. The movie was especially gruesome and the plot incoherent. I was starting to feel
really drunk and the alcohol made it possible for me to loosen up a bit.
I wrapped my arm around David’s shoulder and could feel by his relaxed muscles that he really wasn’t
afraid, just like I’d suspected. He let his body sag down a bit against mine and we just like that for ten
minutes or so before I dared to make my next move. I pretended to get more comfortable on the small
couch and ended up pulling him down with me. My hand was now around his waist and with the other I
stroked his hair back from his face. He sighed and his mouth was open a bit, ready for me to kiss him.
Instead of kissing him, which I really wanted to do, I nuzzled my head in the nape of his neck and inhaled
his scent. He smelled so nice that I could have ripped his clothes open right there on the couch. Again, I
was still too freaked out to do anything so we just kept watching the movie like that. And after that movie
had ended we watched some old Star Trek reruns until it was finally 02:00 AM.
“Do you want me to call a cab?” David asked and I said “no”. I wanted him to stay although I knew it
was a bad idea.
There was no question that David would sleep anyplace else than I my bedroom. The cough was too
uncomfortable to sleep on and I didn’t have a spare mattress. When we got to my bedroom I kept the
lights off so David wouldn’t see me blushing as he undressed himself. I’d seen him at least half-naked a
thousand times at home but things felt different now. We both kept on our T-shirts and boxers when we got
into bed, like two brothers would when they’re sharing a place to sleep. When I sagged on to the bed, the
whole world was spinning. The alcohol had really kicked in now and David giggled, “Don’t puke on me
tonight OK.” Luckily I didn’t.
We just lay there in the dark for an hour pressed against each other in the narrow bed, both unable to
sleep. Nerves and hormones were raging through my body. Finally David turned to his side and nestled
himself in my arm and I just held him like that for a while. I had an erection that was so hard it felt
painful. I could hear David wasn’t sleeping either by the way he was breathing. Just when I thought I
couldn’t take it any longer to be in bed with him, he turned around so that I could hold him from behind.
We lay spooned against each other and my dick was pressing against his ass. Every alarm bell in my head
was ringing telling me to get up out of bed but I couldn’t. Still too afraid to get naked and really make my
move, I pressed my dick against his ass so hard I could feel every curve through my shorts. He didn’t say
anything, didn’t even make a sound but responded by grinding his ass against me. The friction of us
rubbing together almost made me come but I controlled myself just in time. Finally the alcohol caused us
both to fall asleep. In the morning we woke up with our limbs tangled.
Once more we didn’t talk about what had happened. “This has to stop,” I thought. “If dad finds out he’s
going to be disgusted and so will everyone else be.” David could see by the look on my face that I was
troubled and after a cup of black coffee, he left.
Afterwards I cleaned up our empty glasses and Chinese leftovers and told myself that this wasn’t going
to happen again. I would be a normal guy, who dates other normal guys and who doesn’t fantasize about
fucking his step-brother.
10. Closer to the edge
I tried to stay away from David after my birthday. I succeeded in avoiding him as much as possible for
a couple of months. Of course I knew that it hurt him, not hearing from me. And I also knew it hurt him
even more that I didn’t call on his birthday. He told Christine that he thought I’d forgotten, but I hadn’t. In
fact I’d thought of him the whole day. I’d been so tempted to go to his room that I’d even put on my coat
and headed out the door, only to come to my senses in the hallway. I wanted to tell him I loved him but I
just couldn’t. So I decided the best thing was to hurt him so badly that he wouldn’t want to see me
anymore.
Christine called me the day after David’s birthday and screamed at me through the phone that I was
such a bastard. I told her my fake story that I’d been out with friends the whole day and that I’d forgotten.
“You never think about David,” she yelled. “I know he’s not our brother by blood but that doesn’t give
you the right to treat him like this. He’s your brother too, whether you like it or not!”
“Christine, I have better things to do than think about my brother,” I told her and hung up.
I tried to tell myself the same blatant lies I told Christine. When I was talking to my dad on the phone I
fed him crap about not wanting to hang out with David because he was such a nerd and he didn’t get along
with my friends.
David being a nerd was kind of true. He liked old Star Trek episodes and was obsessive about his
grades. He would study whole weeks at a time for an exam to be among the top of his year. He collected
comic books, although he called them graphic novels, and little action figures of the X-men and he could
fix most computer problems I could even think of. But besides all of this, he was also a very hot looking
and genuinely sweet guy. Lots of girls on campus were in love with him and some guys too.
I think David could have had his pick from a number of guys to finally pluck his cherry, but after I
purposely stayed away from him, he ended up with a real asshole like me. I knew this guy, who was in my
year as well, and he’d really fucked around for the past two years on campus. Even Glenn had slept with
him on some occasion. His name was Jack and he vaguely looked like me too, being blond and blue-eyed