During the Christmas vacation David and I were both at home and I was constantly on edge. I was

annoyed with David, but mostly with myself. I didn’t want to sit at the dinner table eating turkey and listen

to my family’s babbling. I just wanted to take David up to my room and fuck his brains out. I felt

uncomfortable sitting across the table from him when all I wanted was to get up, drag him out of his chair

and kiss him. Because that wasn’t an option of course, my mood was sour.

When David told my dad at the dinner table that he’d passed his first big exams, I remarked that all he

did was study and that he was becoming a nerd. As a result, my dad lectured him during the rest of our

dinner about the value of social contacts.

“You have to get out more David,” my dad said. University is not just about studying; it’s about new

experiences and meeting new people. I met a lot of my contacts today in my time at Columbia and as a

lawyer it’s always good to know a lot of people. You should take your brother as an example, he doesn’t

just sit at home all the time.”

“But I have to study, I’m not like Michael,” David said.

“Well sometimes it would be good if you were a bit more like your brother,” my dad said.

I felt bad about it later but I couldn’t help myself being mean to David. It was the only way I knew to

keep him away from me. So I teased him in front of Christine about still being a virgin.

“Come on, I can’t believe it. You’ve been in New York for months now. It’s like the gay capital of the

world, with all the guys you could dream about and still you act like you’re a nun,” I said.

“Shut up,” he said through clenched teeth.

“I bet no one has even kissed you, right?”

“Shut up Michael,” Christine said angrily. David had told her in confidence about being a virgin and

she had told me. We’d joked about it on the phone. David turned scarlet red and then even my dad joined

in the laugh at him.

“You know at your age, your mother already had you,” he said. Juliette had married David’s dad right

out of high school so that wasn’t an exaggeration.

“I don’t want to talk about it, especially not with my dad,” David said embarrassed.

“If you would go to other places except for those comic book stores with your geek buddies then you

might get lucky faster,” I said and my dad laughed.

It was all so stupid, because secretly I was glad that David was still a virgin. I wanted him to be just

mine. I wished that I could be the one to fuck him for the first time. I’m still jealous of the guy that finally

got to deflower him.

It seemed my dad liked me even better when I picked on David because it showed that I was on top of

the situation. I was the alpha-male of the two sons. No matter that I was a jerk who was unable to even be

friendly to the guys I fucked, to my dad I was the best.

By the end of the weekend David was not looking like his usual happy self anymore. We hadn’t sat on

his bed, talking and watching movies, like we used too. I was relieved that nothing like that had happened

this time but I felt disappointed too.

On our way to the airport and in the plane David hardly talked to me. He would look away from me out of

the window. When I tried to sleep, I couldn’t. The thought of him being mad at me depressed me, even

though this is what I had wanted. When we’d landed and were finally sitting in a cab, I took his hand and

squeezed it. His face lit up immediately and I felt sick for being such an asshole the whole week.

8. Excitement, fear and too much alcohol

A few days into the January, Glenn and me went out to a new club. We’d never been to this place

before, it looked pretty raunchy from the outside, and when we walked in I didn’t recognize anyone. There

were people, guys and girls, dancing frantically to a hard beat and there was smoke and stroboscope

lights. The music was louder than I was used to, I recognized some Nine Inch Nails song because that’s

what David listened to all the time back at home. We positioned ourselves at the bar for a couple of

drinks before we would mingle with the crowd. Glenn was already on the prowl and looking to see if

there was anybody interesting enough to pick up. He was a handsome guy with dark hair and intense

smoldering eyes. He could mostly get anybody he wanted.

“Fuck me,” he yelled in my ear and pointed at the door. “Look at that one. That’s one hot piece of ass

walking in.”

When I turned around to look at the door, I saw that it was David coming in.

“Fuck,” I said and froze.

“What’s this,” Glenn yelled when he saw the look on my face, “Did you fuck him before?”

I was almost angry with him in a flash, when I yelled back, “He’s my younger brother!”

“What the fuck?! Really?” Glenn yelled back and then he was already on his way to drag David back to

the bar. When David was standing before me, his eyes were twinkling.

“What are you doing here?” I yelled in his ear. The music was really loud and I had a hard time hearing

my own voice.

“What are you doing here?” he replied. “I’m here all the time,” he said. “I’m meeting friends here, but I

guess they haven’t showed up yet,” he yelled in my ear.

Glenn ordered David a screwdriver and handed it to him.

“So you’re Michael’s little brother?” He laughed seductively. “You don’t look anything like your

brother.” David smiled and nodded and sipped his drink.

“Fuck, Michael never told me he had a cute younger brother,” he said and moved closer to David.

David bent closer to him and said: “In fact he has three of them.” He smiled and turned around to look at

me. When his eyes met mine, the smile on his face was dazzling.

I was feeling uncomfortable being with David and Glenn in the same room. Glenn was my best buddy

now and I really liked him, but my stomach already turned by the look of him using his charms on David.

He put his hand on David’s arm when he bent closer to yell something in his ear. David looked amused

but then his eyes turned sideways and caught mine. He looked incredibly hot that evening. His dark wavy

hair had grown to shoulder length and it glistened in the neon lights by the bar. He was dressed in super

tight black jeans that made his perfect butt look even better. And on top he wore a sleeveless black shirt

to show off his muscular arms. The skin peeking out above his shirt was perfectly peachy and hairless.

When Glenn had ordered David his third drink I couldn’t take it anymore. I got up, took David’s wrist

in my hand and dragged him to the dance floor away from Glenn.

“Let’s dance,” I said almost angrily and he looked surprised but willing enough to go with me. Glenn

followed us startled.

When we started dancing I felt embarrassed the first couple of minutes. I had never danced in front of

David and it felt weird to do so now.

“I suck at dancing,” I yelled in David’s ear.

“Just go with it,” he yelled back and closed his eyes for a moment to listen to the music. They were

playing an eighties New Order song now that David liked and then I kind of got in to it. When I really

started dancing there was nobody in the club for me, but David and me. Everything started to blur, even

Glenn who was dancing besides us with another guy. My eyes were locked on David; watching him thrust

his hips to the music, shake his longish hair. The smoke was everywhere and Glenn had found a blond guy

to make out with. David and I were now dancing so close that I could feel his haggard breath on the skin

beneath my ear. I had never known that he was a good dancer but apparently he was. His body moved