David had been straight and he’d never encouraged my feelings… And he did encouraged me a great deal

actually. At first I thought that I might be imagining things, that I wanted to think he felt the same way, but

as the months progressed our little flirtations became more and more frequent.

We’d be studying together in my room and he would be lying on my bed, his head resting on his arms,

reading some boring text about the ‘Great Depression’ in the US. It used to get incredibly hot and stuffy in

my room during the afternoon, no matter if you opened the windows or not, and David would wear these

tiny gym shorts that barely covered his ass. He also wore these goofy white socks that his mom bought

him and an old pair of sneakers and when he scratched his lower leg with his foot, I was fascinated by

one of his buttocks peeking out from under those shorts.

“Could you just stay still?” I asked him in an annoyed voice. “I’m trying to study and your constantly

making noise.”

“I’m not doing anything Michael,” he answered.

“The way you’re scratching your leg like that the whole time, it distracts me. Just stop doing it.”

“Jeez Michael, you’re such a spaz, I’m not doing anything besides reading this boring text. If you

weren’t constantly focused on what I’m doing you might get ahead with your own homework,” he laughed.

He sat up on the bed and pushed his book aside.

“I’m not constantly focused on you. You are just so annoying that it’s hard to think of anything else,” I

told him.

“Is that so?” he asked. His eyes were amused. “I think you might want to visit a shrink if you think that

someone moving his leg is enough to distract you.”

“Just shut up,” I told him and I got up from my chair to push him on his back on the narrow bed. He

grabbed my T-shirt and pulled me down with him. We wrestled for a few second until I had him pinned

underneath me. I held his wrists in an iron grip next to his head, before I looked into his eyes. They were

huge with anticipation and I seemed to melt into them. He really had the sweetest, most beautiful eyes and

my stomach was feeling gooey. My dick had a mind of his own however and within seconds my hard-on

was pressed against his leg. I felt a mixture of emotions, desire and embarrassment with a hint of fear. I

released my grip on his wrists and wanted to get up as quickly as possible but then he wrapped his arms

around my back and pulled me closer. We just held on to each other like that for a couple of seconds,

breathing in each others’ scent and melting into that hug. Then we heard David’s mom on the stairs,

bringing us a snack and we quickly let go of each other.

I thought a lot about that hug and what it meant for the following days and it really freaked my out that

David might know how I felt about him. But this wasn’t the only thing causing me distress these days.

There was another thing that burdened me and this was something that I needed to tell my dad before

graduation; I didn’t want to go to law school.

My dad had been dreaming about me becoming a lawyer too since I was born. We’d talked about law

school on numerous occasions and I’d always let him believe that I wanted to study law, when in fact I

didn’t. I had never told my dad because I was afraid on disappointing him on this point. Graduation had

always seemed far away and I had always thought I would have enough time to tell him eventually. It

turned out I didn’t.

My dad didn’t even care that I was gay, as long as I was a gay lawyer who could take over him firm

someday. And that was the whole problem. I couldn’t see myself being stuck in Fresno forever, working

together with my dad. I imagined us in matching suits and the same lunch boxes, and that thought made me

feel neurotic. I wanted to see the world, not work for my dad.

There was nobody I felt I could confide in except for David. Christine was too young and couldn’t keep

a secret. She would just blurt things out at the dinner table. My football player friends and I were rapidly

growing apart; They all felt quite comfortable with staying in Fresno forever.

When I told David I was thinking about not going to law school he was surprised at first. We were

sitting on his bed and my fingers were playing with a lock of his hair, which had grown to shoulder length.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about graduation lately,” I said. “You know that I applied for Columbia, but I

don’t feel like becoming a lawyer anymore…”

“I thought you loved going to law school,” he said and turned around to look at me.

“Well, I lied,” I replied. I wasn’t really thinking of university anyway at this moment. What was on my

mind was how great it would be to run both my hands through my brothers’ hair and how I would rub my

face in it when I fucked him from behind. I’d found some new porn online since I now had a computer in

my room and my thoughts about David were becoming quite imaginative.

“Then what do you want to do?” he asked sincerely and interrupted my thoughts.

“I like doing the school newspaper,” I said. “Maybe I could try journalism or English or anything other

than law.”

“I’m thinking of studying law myself,” he said. “I think it could be kind of cool.”

“Yeah I bet you think that,” I thought to myself. Why did he always have to do exactly what my dad

wanted? Why couldn’t he just go to some Arts academy and disappoint my dad like I was about to do?

Why did he always have to be so perfect?

I had waited for the right moment to tell my dad I didn’t want to study law but in the meantime I’d

applied to the university my dad had also been to; Columbia University in New York. Two of my teachers

were so enthusiastic about me applying to Columbia that they wrote me amazing letters of

recommendation. Admission to Columbia Law is among the most selective in the U.S. so in the back of

my mind I was kind of hoping they wouldn’t accept me.

I know that hoping I would not get in sounds ungrateful and stupid, but at the time I felt trapped. I realize

now that there are people who would give almost anything to trade places with me, being smart and rich

and getting into an Ivy League university, but I was feeling anxious and cornered. When the acceptance

letter came however, I didn’t have the heart to tell my dad that I didn’t want to go.

I decided to wait until graduation to tell my dad that I wasn’t going to university this year but wanted to

travel Europe for a couple of months instead. But then on my graduation day my dad was so excited that

he threw me an enormous party. A lot of his acquaintances and colleagues came too and I didn’t want to

embarrass him in front of everyone. He’d been talking about me becoming a lawyer for years and I

dreaded how angry he would be if I turned down Columbia for a year of traveling.

The next day David and I almost got into a fight because he thought I was being stupid for not telling my

dad.

“The moment has passed,” I said. “It’s too late to tell him now. I’ll go to law school.”

“Why don’t you just tell dad that you don’t want to go? You’re being stupid,” he said.

“You know what this means to dad. He’s told everybody he knows that I got in to Columbia Law

School, he’ll be totally embarrassed if I don’t go.”

“So what? It’s your life, you should do whatever makes you happy and not dad.” His eyes softened,

“I’ve even looked online for you and they do journalism classes at Columbia too. I’ve printed them out for

you.” He handed me some papers.

“Thanks for the papers, but it’s really for the best that I’m going,” I said.