“What is the matter?” said I startled for the moment, “you're poorly?”
“Oh !” cried out the girl, “I must go to mother, — oh! let me go.” I tried to comfort her, she took no notice of me, but dressed and ran out of the house quickly, white with terror and without her money. That night I had Brighton Bessie, and told her about it. Bessie said the dirty little bitch ought to be flogged by the hangman; if she had her way all such young bitches should be sent to prison, and the men who had them ought to be punished as well.
Kit's first poorliness had come on, that accounted for her dullness, she had no idea of what was taking place in her, her mother had not warned her. Of course, the girl knew of the ailment common to her sex, but her monthlies had taken her by surprise. I never knew a girl more unaffectedly modest than Kitty was the next time she met me after her accident, as we called it.
Said she one day, “Give me a sovereign for this silver (savings out of the money I had given her), I don't know where to put it, it jingles in my pocket, I am afraid of dropping it, and mother finding it out.” She had put it in a crack between the skirting and the inside of a cupboard lining as near as I could make out, until it was a pound's worth. “What a pity I can't buy some nice clothes, is it not?” said she. Poor Kitty was amusing, but I saw she was brewing mischief after she had had her monthlies, or was what she called “a full woman.” Several times as she took my money she said it was no good to her, as she could only buy things to eat. She was getting restless. When I told her I should be in the Strand one day, if it were not wet. “Oh ! do come, if it's wet or not, — I will meet you.” “But your mother?” “Don't care,-if she says anything I'll tell her I'll run away.”
Said she one day, “Hasn't Pol got it? her mother has nearly murdered her, — oh ! Lor she is bruised all over.” Then she told me that the little dark girl I had had was caught in the privy with a man, — oh ! such a big un, he is much taller than you, — she was standing on the privy-seat with her legs wide open, and he was trying to do it to her.” The mother had suspected, had the little imp watched, and caught the man in the act. “How he could do it I don't know”, said Kit, “but he is a bargeman, — such a big man l — and the little beast stood on the privy-seat too.” Kitty was scandalized at that.
It was some days before I saw her again, then she was slovenly and had a black eye, and began to cry. “It's mother”, she sobbed, “look here.” She pulled off her things, and showed me wales and bruises. “Mother did it”, said she sobbing, “my bottom's bruised, — she held me down, and hit me with a brush, —look”, said Kitty turning up her lily-white arse for me to see. Her young friend who had not long before had my prick up her cunt, and then the bargeman's, had sought to excuse herself by saying Kitty was as bad. Mother told mother, Kitty was battered by her mother, and had been locked up, there had been row after row, till Kitty would not eat, nor wash, nor mend, — she fought her mother, she threatened to run away, and to turn gay. Said the mother, “Your father always said you would, he would turn round in his grave if he knew what you are saying.
“I made my brother's cock stiff”, said she one day as she was playing what we called cherry-bob with my prick i.e. taking the tip in her mouth when it was limp, and shooting it out again, just as you see children do with cherries. “Your little brother?” “Yes, — I washed him, pulled it backwards and forwards, as if I were washing him, so that he should not know what I was about.” “Did it get stiff?” “Quite, and he seemed to like it”, said she, “he asked me to go on doing it.”
During all this time I had occasionally seen Bessie, for a youthful cunt never did give me full physical enjoyment, nor fetch me like a full-grown one, al-though as an occasional letch it was delicious. After her monthlies had arranged themselves I fancied Kitty was more luscious, and her discharge more copious, yet I often used to think of the spanking posteriors and full crisp-haired cunt of Bessie whilst operating on Kit. A light-haired quim I also never liked, it was the artlessness, frankness, and freshness of Kitty which kept me to her so long.
I was going abroad. When I told Kitty this she broke into tears. “Oh I what shall I do !—don't go”, said she. The little lass was fond of me; a thing I never had dreamed of. She promised me to go to service, and leave off fucking; but she never did.
Then I told Bessie, and she began to cry, and said, “It's always the way, — directly I like a man I lose him.” I thought she was shamming, but the last night I had her, she would take no money, said if I gave it to her, she would throw it into the streets.
Glad to be from England, alone, — alone, I hoped to be sent to but got no further than There I had women enough. All women there were examined by medical men weekly, just as they are at
and many a fine Spanish woman, and coarse but well-built English woman I had for half-a-crown a piece. I was recalled after seven months, and within a few days was in the Strand, but saw no Kitty until one night in early Summer. “Oh ! it's you, — I'm so glad”, said a female. It was Kitty, delighted. I did not know her for the instant, but in ten minutes we were fucking. How glad she was to see me; she was a well grown young woman, and lovely, her breasts were well developed, her calves and bum as well, al-though she was not seventeen.
She had quarrelled with her mother, left, and set up as harlot. It was wonderful what harlotry had done in giving her taste in dress, deportment, style of walking, and even in language. She had learned the value of her cunt, it was no longer three and six, but twenty shillings. “I don't want your money”, said she, “let's talk of old times.” We spent several evenings together. One man almost kept her, she thought he was going to keep her altogether, and hoped so.
I had taken her to the house in B.w Street, quietly there we talked all things over; we laughed over the affair of Pol and the coal-heaver, the sausage-rolls, the lost ten shillings, the afternoon her poorliness came on. “So you are gay, — do you like the life?” She really did, got lots of money, and now kept her mother who had been disabled by rheumatic fever. I saw her daily for a week or two afterwards, and we fucked to our hearts' content. Her motte was delicately hairy now, and of dark golden colour, slightly brownish. Then I went to the sea-side. When I came back to London, looking for her everywhere, I could not find her, and though I longed for her very much, was obliged to render myself happy with others.
To complete her history I must go forward two or three years when I had been madly in love with a gay woman as I shall tell, but had quarrelled with her for presuming on my love, and resolutely abstained from seeing her, doing however great violence to my affection and inclination. I used to go to the baudy house in J...s Street (not yet mentioned), and cry to its Mistress who would ask me to let her send to the lady of my affection (Miss M. . .$), — but of this more presently.
After reading over this part of my narrative relating to Kitty written full thirty years ago, I add these few words.
My secret life was written for my own pleasure, and to be a narrative of what I myself saw and did, and nothing else. I have pretty well adhered to that, but my fun with Kitty took place within a few years after I began to write, and describe the amatory episodes as leisure inclined me, and as they seemed to me unusually amusing or illustrative. I arranged them in order afterwards. Nothing at that time had been so piquant in my acquaintance with harlots as Kitty's had been. I had not then had much to do with lasses as young as she was, the novelty therefore I suppose made me write out her narrative intermixed with my own, at the length it has reached.