"Just get this over with," I told myself, loud enough for her to hear.

We turned the corner and started the slow walk to the pergola at the end of the lawn.

Everyone turned and stood, watching as we walked. I knew this. I was vaguely aware of smiles and waves and cell phone camera flashes in my face. But everything smoothed out into a blurry tunnel with the only thing that mattered standing at the end.

Bit stood next to her father, watching me with those brown eyes, and suddenly, I couldn't get to her fast enough.

"Slow down," my mother hissed, but her words rolled off of me. They didn't matter. Nothing mattered but how Bit looked, standing there in that ice-blue dress. Fuck, that dress was going to be my undoing. That dress was my heaven and my hell all wrapped up in one tiny, perfect package. I wanted to rip it off of her for more reasons than just the obvious tightening in my pants. That dress was the start of something that was about to end.

Right now.

As Nails took my mother's hand, I had half a mind to yank her away. "No, I object," I wanted to shout.

But I could only look at Bit.

Her eyes were sad and beautiful. She looked strong and vulnerable at the same time, and every cell in my body itched to make this right for her.

For us.

But there wasn't a damned thing I could do.

"Hey," she whispered, waggling her fingers at me.

"Hey," I said back, standing next to my mom and hoping like hell I sounded normal.

Like I wasn't breaking in half.

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Liliana

Jax doesn't look right.

That was the only thing I could think during the whole arduous exchange of vows. Every word my father said, all the lines I had written and then rewritten until they were precisely perfect, I had written for Jax.

That much was clear now.

He alternated between staring at me so hard I could feel the heat of his gaze scald my skin, and looking away, refusing to make eye contact.

His hair was a normal brown color today, out of deference to Annie's desire for "normal people" wedding photos, but that wasn't the only reason he seemed colorless.

"Are you okay?" I mouthed as our parents exchanged rings.

He shook his head slightly. Then darted his eyes away again.

Finally, mercifully, the ceremony was over. I clapped as Dad dipped Annie, kissing her with much more gusto than decency would call for, but that was par for the course.

Jax took my elbow as we recessed down the aisle. He held me tightly against him, the warmth of his body under his tailored suit pressed against the whole length of me. A strange echo of last night.

The reception was under a beautiful white tent rising like gull wings over the green ocean of lawn. The twinkling fairy lights wound around the poles made me feel like I was stepping into a dreamland. The faces of the people I loved most in the world swam around me—Diggs, Bash, all of the guys, the happy bride and groom, and there in the center of everything was Jax, looking like an inked Prince Charming in his tuxedo. On his arm, I felt like royalty, the prom queen I never got a chance to be. I sighed and leaned against his shoulder. "I really wish I could be happy right now."

"You can," he said.

"Are you?"

"Guess I'm happy for them, yeah." He gestured toward our parents who were stuffing cake into each other’s mouths. My Dad carefully dropped a piece into Annie's open mouth. She returned the favor by smearing frosting all over his beard.

"I am too." I answered. Was this what it meant to be a grown-up? Having to set aside your own most fervent desire for the good of those you loved?

Annie and my Dad shared their first dance to a medley of Annie's greatest hits—which had me laughing into the back of my hand as I watched Jax's face twist between happiness and utter disgust at his mother's narcissism. But when the song was over and the rest of the couples were called to the dance floor, Jax reached out his hand to me. "Come on."

I shook my head. "We can't."

"Sure we can, it's a wedding. People dance at weddings."

"We can't dance together, Jax. It's too dangerous."

"You might be right, but I don't really give a fuck about anything else right now. Please, Bit."

The unspoken plea hung in the air. This would be the last time he could hold me. Once I understood, I fairly sprinted into his arms.

The song started, an old classic rock ballad all wailing guitars and overwrought lyrics. It perfectly suited my mood. I buried my face Jax's jacket, my heart almost too full to speak. "So that's it, then," I choked.

He knew what I meant. "That's it, yeah."

"I'm your sister now."

Somehow he managed to pull me even closer. "I have the most beautiful fucking sister in the world," he said fiercely.

I laughed into his chest and inhaled his scent. "This is so fucked."

"It really is."

"Is everyone staring at us right now?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"Fuck. I'm just going to hide in here forever."

"That's fine with me," he said so quietly I more felt it than heard it. We swayed gently, slowly to the music. It was like he was rocking me to sleep, like he was still holding me last night. I wished I was asleep, that this was all a bad dream and I could wake up and be with him like I should.

When the music ended, his grip didn't loosen and neither did mine. "I'm afraid to let go of you."

"Then don't." He sounded so fucking sad.

"Jax …"

"I know." He pulled back a little. "I love you."

"I love you."

That was the second time Jaxson Blue broke my heart.

Part Three

Chapter Forty

Liliana

Angel had never been in my bedroom before. Even sitting at the far corner of my bed, curling herself as tightly as she could to stay out of the way, there was still barely enough room to maneuver. I had to stand in an awkwardly twisted and bent pose just to get the last of my books packed into their boxes.

" …could have at least scored us some back stage passes, or something." She was pissed, but pretending not to be.

"Angel, you don't understand. I can't ask that of him." I was really regretting telling her even the little she did know, but when I landed in New York, I was too raw and broken-hearted to keep it inside. As far as she knew, Jax was an old friend who I had once had a crush on, and wasn't-it-so-weird he was my stepbrother now?

She kept talking right over me." …completely, like, the pinnacle of my life if I met him. Seriously, what's he like? " I opened my mouth to answer and she just bowled right over me in an avalanche of aggrieved feelings. "I can't believe you knew him. It's like you're moving out just when you got interesting, Liliana. We could have totally hung out more, you know. That was totally always an option."

I pressed my lips together and taped the top of the box I was working on. "Oh yeah, I totally know it was," I answered breezily. "It was just our different schedules, and all that, made it hard you know?"

"Yeah …" She sighed and blew a puff of breath out of the side of her mouth in a pretty killer imitation of a Disney princess. Then she veered straight back for the most important topic. "So, you're seriously not going to his show tonight?"